BEEP BEEP! GRAMMAR/SPELLING ALERT! Actually, they aren't too bad. I can still understand what you're saying, but I think you need to fix it up.
I hear the whisper through the night,
i hear the stories of it greatness.
I wounder what the hell it all about,
An I see the whithering ruins that was once
I hear the whisper through the night,
I hear the stories of its greatness.
I wonder what the hell it was all about,
And I see the withering ruins that was once...
There's also the occasion an when there should be and.
I agree with TBR, the hell in the first verse is unneccessary(sp?). I think it might work better like this.
I wonder how it fell
As I see the withering ruins that was once...
I also think you should separate the last two lines from the chorus. In fact, you could just type out the chorus one time and then write (Repeat Chorus) wherever else you want it. That's what many people do, including myself. But you don't have to do that if you don't want to.
Overall, I think this is good. I would probably have gone around the subject differently, talking more about the beauty of the city than the aftermath, but every writer has their own style. Good job and keep writing.
Points: 36349
Reviews: 1276
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