This song is how i feel right now it probably rubbish. Attack me with harsh critque if you feel.
Elizabeth i still love you it just i had to do something and i'll always love you i swear.
It started out true and pure
Trust grew loyalty flourished
I trusted her as she trusted me
I do anything for her I swear
Loyalty, Hope
Trust and faith all
Were strong now
Are Weak.
A year passed and slowly
Threads started to come loose
Within months thoughts we
Never imagined could exist
Appeared.
Loyalty, Hope
Trust and faith all
Were strong now
Are Weak.
I’m not saying it over
I’m not saying it the end
I’m saying it fragile
Optimism can only hide
So much
Loyalty, Hope
Trust and faith all
Were strong now
Are Weak.
Loyalty, Hope
Trust and faith all
Were strong now
Are Weak.
I’m not saying it over,
I’m not saying it the end,
I’m saying it fragile.
Optimism can only hide
So much!
Loyalty, Hope, Trust and Faith all were
Strong, now are weak
Loyalty, Hope, Trust and Faith all were
Strong now, are weak
Optimism can only hide so much
Optimism can only hide so much
Optimism can only hide so much!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I pretty much agree with what Misty said. With this stanza:
You should use "it's". It's better grammar and makes sense.
I really have nothing else to add. This was okay, but I've seen better from you. I really liked the title, though.
You're going to have to sing this for me one day... but my mom just stole my phone so I'm basically an outcast... ... ... ... All but my books and Fizzy Moon.
To say the least Misty said a lot and I'm extrememly tired right now, but with all the repitition it did sound like a song... even reminded me a bit of Nickelback's Far Away.
I love you Vernon and it'll all be better soon.
The trouble with songs is that they're so hard to review, because a song can have the suckiest lyrics but have a rock-awesome tune and great accompaniment and it makes up for it. But, overall impression: First of all, the title was a stroke of genius...not something I'd really thought of before. A rather fatalistic approach, but each to their own.
This entire stanza is corny and cliche. Weak, to be honest. Until the last line, but what you need to do is go, "I'd do..." because that's better grammar and it sounds right
Ergh...well if you have a really great tune to this and a rocking like, frikkin electric guitar to play loudly, thenmaybe this would be....less...how to put it gingerly? Less "weak." Less cliche. And somehow you capitalize Loyalty Hope, and Trust, but not faith. Is this symbolic or just an oversight.
This, in comparasin to the last bit, is at least good. In a...different sort of way. As to the third line, you say, "I'm saying it fragile." This would be more effective if you said, "I'm saying it's fragile." Or else it's not good grammar and you have to say, "I'm saying it fragilly." Although these are lyrics so youreally needn't bother. But it isn't fluent as it is. As to the fourth and fifth lines, they are very insightful. The line break was sort of abrupt though.
I'm not knocking your song just because it's a bit on the corny side, though. On the whole this has some very redeemable qualities. And of course it's not fair because I can't hear the tune.
Preety good.
It does show ur inner feelings.
Worked well but I didn't like the reapitation of the last line three times,I know it does emphasis but still didn't sound well,u know what I mean.