Judix dragged his axe across the cold floor of the Linearth dungeon.
The horrific scraping noise a reminder to prisoners of their fate.
He held the heavy chains of the newest captive firmly in his other hand and then forced her into her cell. She seemed far too young to be involved with such crimes. Although, there had been an influx of younger criminals since certain blasphemous rumours had begun to spread.
Allegedly, a man had successfully harnessed the power of the abyss. This was almost certainly nonsense. Nobody could mess with the abyss and come out on top. Judix then unchained the girl, and slammed her cell shut.
“You’re on the wrong side, sir.” The girl blurted out. “You must still have a heart, right?”
Judix was shocked at this comment. Not only because of what she said. But also, because most prisoners did not speak to him at all, and if they did it was not to call him “Sir”. They only saw him as death incarnate and treated him as such. And perhaps they were correct to do so.
He did not let this shock show on his face. Executioners couldn’t display emotion, not in front of prisoners. This was something he had become an expert at in these three years. Countless times he has had to sever the heads of people he would never get to know, end the lives of both men and women, who were once just children with dreams, like he himself was at one point.
Judix had always wanted to be a sorcerer. He studied at the Linearth Academy of Sorcery, where he tried his hardest to compete with the other students. But he simply wasn’t talented enough. Upon his failure to graduate, he wanted to return home to his parents. His mother and father supported him throughout his whole journey. they paid for his tuition and travel expenses to make it to Linearth. But he was informed of their untimely deaths before he could go back.
Dungeon Master Carcer had explained it to him. His parents were killed by rogue abyss-seekers, who they had captured and were now facing capital punishment. That was his push to join the Knights of Linearth, and to become an executioner.
Abandoning this role would lead to exile from Linearth. It wasn’t an option for him. He had no home to go back to, no family left. This was his entire life.
There was one question he constantly found himself pondering. If he did still have family, and they were up for execution, would he do it? He’d never been able to come to an answer.
Judix exited the dungeon that evening still thinking about the girls' words. He was supposedly on the side of those fighting the abyss and protecting Linearth, and yet all he did in practice was vanquish defenceless prisoners. Maybe there was some truth in what she said. But they were still criminals.
“What is that young girl charged with?” Judix asked Dungeon Master Carcer, whom he maintained a good relationship with since he joined. He was like a father figure.
“Tried to raise the dead, necromancy it’s called. Our knights seized her before she pulled it off.”
The Knights of Linearth were of course not limited to the dungeons, they were also the patrolling guardians of the city. They snuffed out all attempts of rebellion and use of dark sorcery. Using the power of the abyss to reanimate corpses was something he hadn’t heard of before. Was it possible?
The next day, Judix awoke in his quarters and prepared to head to the dungeon. His first task was to ensure no prisoners had died overnight, and then he would bring them their meal for the day. A slice of soggy bread and a tiny amount of water was all they were given. Although after a few days down here, they would become so desperate as to be excited by this meal.
Once he arrived at the girls' cell to check on her that morning, she was not still asleep or trying to distract herself like the others. She was standing, unmoving, facing away from him. Could she be trying something?
“Turn around.” Judix said sternly, needing to ensure she wasn’t attempting any magic.
The girl turned around as instructed. Tears ran down her face, and her eyes red like she hadn’t slept a wink.
“I just wanted to bring them back.” She said, her voice full of regret.
Judix stared intensely at her, could she be trying to trick him? He shouldn’t ask what she meant. It wasn’t permitted to acquaint oneself with a prisoner.
“Bring who back?” He asked.
“My mother and father.” She replied. “Do you still have parents, sir?” She added, the tears continuing to fall.
He didn’t answer her. But the question had certainly rattled him. He didn’t still have parents. And if she had tried to resurrect her own, perhaps he could get his back too.
Judix walked out of the dungeon to retrieve the prisoners’ meals. But the girls' words continued to chip away at his resolve. She was just a young girl without her parents, and she’ll be killed for trying to bring them back.
“I need just six prisoner meals today.” Judix said to Soplen, who prepared the food.
“You won’t be needing any today Judix, you’re doing the executions early. We have an inspector from the Royal Palace here who is going to oversee them.”
The Palace would prefer to pretend the Linearth dungeons did not exist. But occasionally they did send someone to ensure procedures were being followed. For that reason, it was always a surprise. Judix always received extra payment on these days to impress the inspector, and so he welcomed it. After all he was always spot on with following the rules.
This time though, the inspection could not have come at a worse time. Judix wanted to find out more about necromancy from the young girl. But now her death was impending.
“Very well.” Judix said.
He went back to the holding cells. He held his axe with him, he brought it everywhere. It was a show of force. But right now, he wanted to leave the axe behind.
Preparing the prisoners for execution involved chaining all of them together and dragging them single file into the execution chamber. It was brutally rhythmic. But Judix did not even flinch at the process anymore. What would his parents think of his work?
He pulled each prisoner out of their cells, one by one, and added them to the queue of death. The young girl was in the last cell. What if he just omitted her from the line? He could claim she came in after, they would be too focused on the inspection to notice a prisoner left in their cell. And this way, he could find out more about the re-animation process and maybe bring his family back.
He left the dungeon without the girl. And he brought the five other prisoners to the execution chamber to meet their fate. Perhaps they had similarly noble reasons for their imprisonment. But it was too late for them now.
“Welcome, Executioner.” The inspector said, as Judix entered the room. The inspector wore purple robes and had a golden necklace.
He bowed down to the Palace official, his axe held behind his back.
“You may begin.” The inspector announced.
Judix yanked the first prisoner up to the stage, where he would subsequently behead him. He never felt guilty doing this. But now, all he could picture was this man's family. He was an older man. A father perhaps, with a beautiful wife who was at home, not knowing of her husband's whereabouts. His children asking when daddy would be back.
He lifted his axe and prepared to swing, but before he could bring it down, someone burst through the doors.
“The executioner is a traitor!” He shouted.
Judix snapped his head toward the door. It was Soplen. How could he have found out? Nobody was supposed to be in the dungeon, not while the executions were ongoing.
Judix feigned ignorance.
“I know nothing of what you accuse me of.”
“You brought five prisoners to the chambers. But you had previously requested six meals from me. I checked the dungeon to determine the discrepancy, and I found a young girl still in her cell.”
Dungeon Master Carcer ordered the knights to subdue Judix. They rushed him and pinned him to the ground, chaining his hands together. His axe was stripped from him too.
The knights then picked him up and escorted him out of the room, toward the cold dungeon. The place he had watched over for so long, now where he would surely spend his final hours.
Only certified executioners could perform the act. So, all the prisoners were marched back to the dungeon. But it just was a matter of time before another came in place of Judix, and all seven of them would be executed together.
His cell door opened. Was it morning already? Or had another executioner arrived so soon? He looked up at who had intruded on him, it was Soplen again. The man who had sold him out.
“You must come with me.”
Judix did not dare talk back. Not in his current position. He stood up slowly and sheepishly followed him all the way to the head chamber, where Dungeon Master Carcer sat in his chair at the end of the room.
“I don’t know how you did it, Judix. But the girl is gone.”
She was gone? He didn’t help her escape in any way, he was locked beside her as far as he had known.
“You have committed a grave crime” The Master said, the anger in his voice palpable.
“Nothing would bring me greater joy than to execute you myself right here. Unfortunately, I am not permitted to do so. We have a shortage of executioners. The Mire have been looking for one for a long time.”
The Mire was an awful place. The word itself tasted like bile. He’d seen the corpses sent back from there. It was full of grotesque creatures, vile corruption, and a horribly polluted atmosphere. Capital punishment was becoming the more appealing option.
“The Palace has decided that you will never set foot in Linearth again. And instead practice as an executioner in the Mire. Until death catches you, which we all know it will.”
The gates to the Mire groaned open. Shadows within reached out at him, not with claws, but with familiar skeletal hands.
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This was an interesting story. I like how you gave your character a background, showed that he had not always wanted to be an executioner, i also like how you connected the girl and the executioner, through their pasts. How you expressed emotions in this story was also very good, the executioner's grief and anger in his backstory could be felt by the reader. Your story allows for the reader to empathize with the characters, with the executioner's complex emotions, such as how he starts to see the prisoners differently, now viewing them as people instead of just criminals to kill. Also, I also like how you included some loose ends, it is a perfect way to allow for expansion on the story. Overall, very good story.
Hi there! Plume here, with a review! And welcome to YWS!
What an interesting short story! I first want to commend you on the tale itself-- I feel like I oftentimes see short stories that feel rushed, or try and pack too much in, but the plot of this one felt wonderfully suited to the form. You paced the character arc of Judix very well throughout the story-- from doing his job (if not a bit reluctantly) to learning about the girl to deciding to finally break free, his path felt natural and was engaging to the reader!
One thing I enjoyed a lot was your worldbuilding-- I think that's always a little hard to do in short stories, just because they're so short. One thing I will say is that I could've used a bit more showing over telling. It's all about balance, but there were some moments throughout that I craved more from your prose. One way to work on that is to think about unique ways of describing things-- I always find that more figurative language can help with that!
The standout feature to me in this story was the interactions between Judix and the girl. It was so heartbreaking to learn about the parallel between them both losing their parents. The idea of her using necromancy to try and get them back was also super sad and compelling.
One thing I would like to know more about is the Mire-- I feel like we never get a good idea of what exaclty it is. Is it another dimension? Another branch of the dungeon? A different region of the country? I felt like I was able to follow along fairly well up until that part. I get what you were trying to convey, but the lack of explanation at that part kind of took me out of it.
I'd be curious to know to whether you plan on doing anything more with the world! If I'm being honest, this almost felt like a short story elaborating on a side character for a longer work-- given that the girl escaped, it seems like her story could be one worth telling! If this was just a one off thing, that's still wonderful-- I just think there's a lot of potential here!
Overall: great job, and welcome to YWS! I hope to read more of your work soon-- until next time!
Thank you so much for the help, I do see what you mean about the telling rather than showing, this is the second short story I've written in this world and I intend to write more, the first one is posted here too. And I see what you mean about the Mire's introduction being rushed/out of place. Thank you so much for the feedback