Happiness is a present,
Given to you by friends.
Take it for granted,
That’s when your friendship ends.
Kindness is a present,
Doesn’t grow on trees.
Is very rare,
seen occasionally.
Love is a present,
It is always there.
Although you cannot see it,
It is everywhere.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Quite insightful,yet feels a little incomplete.
Stanza 1:
Happiness is a present,
Given to you by friends.
Take it for granted,
That’s when your friendship ends.
Very well written lines showing how friendship is wrecked.An important aspect of friendship is brought out here.
Stanza 2:
Kindness is a present,
Doesn’t grow on trees.
Is very rare,
seen occasionally.
The last two lines somehow seemed to be forced and not in the rhythm of the poem.See if you can come up with other words if possible.Try a different phrase for the second line as this one is used quite commonly.Small spelling error on line two.
Stanza 3:
Love is a present,
It is always there.
Although you cannot see it,
It is everywhere.
Well constructed lines with a simple message.Lines two and four make it slightly monotonous with the words "It is".
Overall:
Has great possibility for being improved by expanding the ideas and presentation.Gaps between the lines in one stanza itself are not required.
this feels very bland to me.
the rhymes are a bit basic - Friends - Ends, there - where. they didn't work for me.
"Is very rare" (2nd stanza) would fit better if you changed it to "It is very rare", that flows much better then.
Also i would changed "Take it for granted" to "taking it for granted" for the same reason.
This feels like a bit of a generic poem, if you could expand on the ideas, use some imagery and give it some more depth it would be a lot better
Good luck!
Aqua X
the repetition of blank is a present didn't go to well for me.. i didn't like that... and when you used occasionally that threw it off...
the rhyme was okay...i'm not a fan of rhyme though lol...
over all i sort of liked it.. not enough to it eh ? like nothing is happening ... it'd be nice if there was action like where friends fight and it leads through the poem with a story... what you have here is good for what can go inbetween the stanzas...i guess...