out there
lurking in the shadows
lies the one that wants me
the on that loves me
but they don't know how to ask me
no way could they ever do it themselves
i keep looking in the wrong places
the Internet
the school
even at church
but never did i think to look where he is
where he is waiting to be mine
and in my heart i knew that i was waiting for me to become his
but little did i know i was being watched by him
he look at me when i crossed a room
and he loved me all this time
then one day my heart said leave
and so i did
then i went into the dark
and i found my inner being come out so clearly
so mystical ordinarily created but
with a beauty so exotic
so exquisite
it could only be a goddess
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I really like this poem...
I'm going to be a bit vague here, and not very technical since I don't know enough about poetry to do so.
First off, I think it's a very cute poem. The words you have chosen are ordinary and I don't feel like the poem conveys a strong enough meaning about love. Actually, it made me laugh because it reminded me of my junior high school days, and all of the hormones floating through the school.
This is what reminded me of junior high school. The giddyness of first crushes and first loves.
Of having a friend of a friend ask the boy if he likes so and so.
while i adore this line, there is a tiny spelling error, where it says "on" rather than "one". I also think a comma would work well after "me". Speaking of punctuation, your poem has none at all. I know that you break apart your lines in a way that lets the reader understand, but punctuation is a useful tool that can really enhance a poem.
Over all, keep up the good work!
Michelle