Driving home late on a Friday night, Jessica was as tired as ever. She arrived home around 9ish, not necessarily in a mood to do anything but to get under the covers. As she peeked through the bedroom door, she saw John still playing. “Wasn’t he playing when I left? Ugh...“ She thought to herself. She was unhappy. Actually, she hadn’t been happy for about a year now, wishing John would come around.
Jessica made herself a cup of green tea to help her relax, then headed to the bedroom and got under the bed covers without saying a word to her loved one. After taking a few sips of tea, she started to get agitated. “John!“ She said with an annoyed voice, almost spilling some of her tea. No answer. John was playing and enjoying himself while doing so. Jessica put her cup on the table and prepared to say something she never in her nightmares wanted to say. “John, dear, we’ve been living together for 4 years. I feel like in the last year you haven’t been paying any attention to me. I love you so much, but I don’t think I can do this anymore and... How did we get here?! Are you even listening? You come here right now and talk about this!“ Still after this she got no response. Jessica put her head on the pillow and tears started flowing from her eyes. The sadness and disappointment in her led to this every night, nothing had changed in a long time.
When John finally had time for her, he jumped onto the bed happily, started purring and fell asleep shortly next to Jessica.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, off to an interesting start here, we've got someone just getting home after what appears to be a relatively normal but quite tiring work day or something along those lines and for some reason this other person has been playing from the time this person left all the way to this very later hour in which they get home...which is an interesting detail there to include. A solid enough looking start here to this story.
Well things got quite dramatic, quite fast there, looks like this is one of those moments when this person has been understanding for a very long time but is finally deciding that enough is enough here. Things certainly seem to be coming to an interesting sort of end here because Jessica here appears to almost give up there as John appears to just continuously ignore here despite her declaration earlier...it certainly adds a bit of an element of mystery there as to why things would happen that way.
Well, this is pretty neat here...lovely little twist there cause if I'm not mistaken that means this is the cat here, and well, that's very easy to believe there...what with the specific use of "loved one" rather than "lover". All in all, a lovely choice of ending, a wonderfully wholesome little twist here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Oh my gosh! Haha, loved the ending!
Just a couple suggestions:
Whenever you start a speech, remember to put in a paragaph break. So it would look something like this:
After taking a few sips of tea, she started to get agitated.
“John!“ She said with an annoyed voice, almost spilling some of her tea.
No answer. John was playing and enjoying himself while doing so. Jessica put her cup on the table and prepared to say something she never in her nightmares wanted to say.
“John, dear, we’ve been living together for 4 years. I feel like in the last year you haven’t been paying any attention to me. I love you so much, but I don’t think I can do this anymore and... How did we get here?! Are you even listening? You come here right now and talk about this!“
Still after this she got no response.
Really liked the story, really original!!
love to hear more
TWIST ENDING! Loved it.
I really enjoyed reading this.
It's like a real life story and that's special.
I think you could possibly develop this into a longer work.
That I know I would really enjoy reading.
I hope you think this review is helpful. XD
That was a twist in the story!
This is a very short story, and yet all throughout it, I was convinced it was her husband or boyfriend she's been living with! Well written, you had me fooled
Whereas, the presumed "cat" could still be human. I mean, the only clue we got was due to purring. And humans can indeed jump onto the beds happily and make a noise similar to a purr, so the suggestion I'd make, is to make it a tiny bit more obvious?
Not so obvious it's REALLY easy to deduce, just a tiny bit more to indicate?
For example mentioning John curls up, or something like that. I'm tired, okay?
This was a good short story though, I usually make mind longer, but as this is three paragraphs this is a good length in my opinion!
A few little improvements...:
"neccessarily" - "necessarily"
And a few really easy things to improve like unnecessary spaces and not needed punctuation.
"this!“." Just get rid of that full stop
"“John!“ she said" Make "she" capitalized. So it'd be "She said."
"Ugh...“ she thought" Again, capitalize the "she" like above.
"anymore and... how did we" Capitalize the "how"
Those are the only mistakes I can find, and those are almost non-existent which means there wasn't much for me to correct as I was being picky
Great work, I'm certainly going to be keeping an eye out for more of your work, deeabler!
-CFG
I do appreciate the corrections, apparently there are quite some differences when writing in English that I didn't know about. Heh! Thank you for your review
Wait, your first language isn't English? :O
No
It's actually Estonian
What?! That's amazing! :O