‘I don’t want you going to school today.’
Evelyn opened a bleary eye, wishing her mother had waited a few more minutes to make this announcement. It had been far too close to dawn when she had finally fallen into a dreamless sleep. And the sleep had been such a relief. The night had been full of tears and tremors and her mind had been ceaselessly assaulted with images of Adrian; his blood dripping to the floor, his face contorted in pain, his body twitching on the ground. Now that she was awake again the night before rushed back into her aching head.
‘Whaz tha mum?’ she groaned.
‘I don’t want you going to school today. If those girls are bullying you enough to make you as distraught as you were last night, then you can stay home and I will have a talk to the principle after work,’ her mother declared. Evelyn closed her eye again.
‘K Mum. ‘tever you say,’ Evelyn sighed as she wished desperately that her pillow would open up and devour her entire body.
When Caroline had returned home from dinner, Evelyn had been forced to honor her promise. But how could she tell her poor, bubbly mother what was really going on? She would panic, call the police, send Evelyn to therapy. The entire town would know what she had witnessed within minutes and she couldn’t bare the thought of being questioned and poked and prodded about the event. And after they heard the whole story, they would probably begin to question her sanity, too. So she had fed her fretting mother a cock-and-bull story about school bullies. It would keep her occupied long enough for Evelyn to sort out what she was going to do.
Caroline walked over to the bed and sat down gently. She reached out to stroke Evelyn’s head tenderly.
‘I want you to take it easy today, okay sweetie? You had a rough day yesterday. But don’t you worry, I’ll get it sorted out. Those girls will get what’s coming to them,’ she said, an edge of menace to her voice as she thought of the sadistic monsters who were threatening her daughter’s mental health and happiness.
Evelyn pulled the corners of her lips up in what she hoped resembled a smile.
‘Thanks Mum. I know they will. Have fun at work.’ Caroline kissed her head.
‘Sure sweetie. Love you.’
‘Love you, too.’ Her mother rose from the bed and crept out the door.
~*~
The rain trickled down the window, making winding paths across the glass as drops met up here and there to continue their journey towards the ground together. The humidity had finally broken, letting go of the water that it had been holding captive over the past week.
Evelyn stared at the rain without seeing it. She was sitting in an armchair, hugging her knees to her chest and doing her best to think about anything but Adrian. The TV was on, an attempt to distract herself, but when she looked at it she couldn’t understand what the coloured lights on the screen where meant to be portraying.
She stretched an arm out to press her hand against the glass. She watched the way the glass fogged up around the edges of her skin. Presumably, that meant that she had some heat in her. But how could that be when she felt so cold?
Her ears pricked up at the sound of tires on gravel. A car was coming up the driveway. Caroline coming to check on her? She peered through the rain at the approaching car and her heavy heart suddenly gave a start. It was a Mitsubishi Lancer.
Evelyn jumped to her feet, her heart racing, her breathing rapid. She stood, stock still, as she watched the car pull up in front of her house. On one hand she wanted to race outside and wrench open the car door to trap the driver in her embrace and never let him go. But on the other, she couldn’t simply dismiss what she had witnessed. That terrifying ritual… What if he was… dangerous? Evelyn quickly shook that thought from her head. This was Adrian she was talking about. He loved her. Or had…
The pounding on the front door made her jump. She was still undecided as to whether she was going to open it.
‘Evelyn? Evelyn it’s me. Can you please open the door?’
The sound of his voice broke her resolve and she stumbled in her haste to reach the door. She flung it open and there he was, exactly as he always had been. His hair was dripping with the rain and his clothes clung to his lean form. Evelyn stood for a moment, watching him, waiting for him to speak.
‘Evelyn… I’m so… so sorry…’
She didn’t wait for him to continue. She flung her arms around his sopping form, her breath coming in sobs.
‘I know, it’s okay,’ she whispered as she pulled back to look up at his face.
But what she saw there wasn’t what she wanted to see. His face was blank, completely void of all expression. And his eyes… his eyes were like two shiny stones. They were hard, cold. There was no love in that face, nor was there regret. She pulled away from him.
‘Adrian, what’s wrong?’
He didn’t meet her eyes, preferring to stare at a spot just to the left of her.
‘Can I come in please?’
Evelyn mutely let him pass and closed the door behind him. He walked into the kitchen and she followed him. For some reason she had the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction as fast as her legs could take her. The ice inside her grew ever colder. Adrian turned to face her.
‘You saw something you shouldn’t have last night,’ he said.
‘I know. I was worried about you so I went to find you… and I heard the drums… so I followed and… Oh Adrian! What was going on? They were torturing you! How could they do such a thing?!’ Evelyn cried as she grabbed his hand.
He gazed down at her hand for a moment before answering her.
‘The Guardians must be fed. We must make sacrifices for their favour, else they would consume us when we raise them,’ he replied in a flat, toneless voice.
‘The Guardians?’ Evelyn asked, nonplussed.
Adrian looked at her as though what she had said was utterly stupid.
‘The spirits of the Other World. They were banished long ago by the gods that the humans brought with them to this world. We must release them.’
Evelyn gaped at him in horror. He had lost his mind! How could he believe such nonsense? Enough to give his blood… Blake Waterman has tortured him into this foolish idea she decided. What he must have done to Adrian to twist his mind she couldn’t bare to imagine…
‘You don’t need to be a part of it! We can run away, Adrian. Just you and me, right now. We will go where they can’t find us.’
Adrian shook his head.
‘It is my duty to stay with the Brotherhood. One day the Guardians will reclaim the world that once belonged to them and we will be rewarded,’ he said, a hint of excitement in his eyes.
‘Can’t you see how crazy this is, Adrian? Spirits from another world? How could you believe-’
He held up his hand, cutting her short, his face angry.
‘You will not speak of them in that manner. What do you think really happened to Marilyn? Austen? Mrs Harrison? These are powerful beings, Evelyn.’
Evelyn gazed at him, her eyes wide, her mouth open slightly in shock.
‘It… it was you. You and your insane friends…’ she whispered in disbelief.
Adrian smirked at the look on her face. What had they done to him? This wasn’t Adrian. This was a monster in Adrian’s skin. He began to move towards her, smirk still in place, his eyes blazing with anticipation. Evelyn stepped back to find that she was pressed up against the counter.
‘And we can’t have you ruining the take-over Evelyn. So I regret that you are going to have to be erased,’ he sneered.
Evelyn’s hand searched discreetly for something, anything, on the counter behind her that she could use as a weapon. But he grabbed her arms, ending her search.
‘Who are you?’ she gasped as fear flushed through every particle of her body.
He squeezed her with inhuman strength and she felt her flesh bruising. She cried out. He bent his head towards her neck and touched his lips to her ear.
‘I’m your ending,’ he breathed and with an incredible show of strength he lifted her off of her feet and flung her across the counter.
Evelyn hit the floor with a crash, her back smacking into the wall. She gasped for breath. She couldn’t move. Her body was burning with pain. But the greatest aching was in her chest as she felt her heart shatter. She moaned in hurt and anguish.
The monster grasped a knife from the knife block and pulled it free. He admired its gleaming surface briefly. Evelyn reached out her hands, grasping at the cold tiles, trying in vain to pull herself away. Something was trickling down her forehead and it dripped to the white floor. She was bleeding. As she moved one of her legs she screamed out. It felt as though fire was racing along it. She gave up trying to move and lay still, her chest heaving, tears trickling down her face.
She heard the quiet footsteps of the monster as he moved towards her. His face came into view as he leered over her. He was grinning sickeningly. Evelyn felt her stomach lurch in repulsion. He brought his face closer and she realised he was kneeling besides her. His hand stroked her cheek and she flinched.
‘Now now, not so long ago you longed for my touch. So what’s wrong? Don’t you want me?’ he mocked as he grasped her chin and turned her head to face him.
‘You said that you would never hurt me,’ she rasped.
His grin widened. Evelyn gazed up at the face that she had loved so much. How could she have been so blind…
‘Just kill me,’ she pleaded.
She couldn’t stand this anymore. She just wanted to die. She wanted the pain to end. The monster bowed in mockery.
‘Your wish is my command,’ he said as he moved the knife to point down at her chest…
Suddenly he began to tremble. His body twitched and shook violently and his face, which had been so smooth and composed moments ago, wore and expression of fury and frustration.
‘How dare you,’ he hissed through clenched teeth, but Evelyn had the feeling that he wasn’t talking to her.
Abruptly he threw his head back in mirthless, lunatic laughter.
‘Return then! But here is your punishment!’ he shrieked as he plunged the knife into Evelyn’s chest.
She felt the cold steel cut through her flesh and suddenly she was choking. The monster slumped on top of her and lay still. Evelyn gasped for air but it wouldn’t fill her lungs. She coughed and spluttered as the monster began to move.
He slowly pushed himself up as he rubbed his head. He looked around for a moment as though he didn’t know where he was, then he caught sight of Evelyn. His eyes took in her gasping and the knife hilt sticking out of her chest. His expression turned from one of confusion to one of terror.
‘Evelyn! Evelyn, no! Oh god, what have I done?! Oh god, Evelyn! Please, no!’ he pleaded as his hands tenderly wrapped around her shoulders to pull her to him. Tears sprang into his eyes as he kissed her face and stroked her hair.
‘Adrian?’ Evelyn gasped through her choking breath.
He gazed at her as silver tears ran down his cheeks. His eyes… they were his. They were her Adrian’s eyes.
‘Evelyn I’m so sorry, for everything. I should have listened to you when you said Blake was trouble. I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you,’ he wept. Evelyn raised a shaking hand to his cheek.
‘I don’t… think we will… have the rest… of your life,’ she coughed.
She felt light-headed. Adrian shook his head in denial, a fresh wave of tears flowing down his cheeks.
‘No don’t say that Evelyn. You can pull through. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t me, I promise. It was him. Oh please, Evelyn, you’ve got to pull through.’
Evelyn smiled weakly.
‘I wish… I… could stay…’ Her vision was growing darker, but she strained to keep watching his face. He kissed her lips gently.
‘I will always love you, Evelyn,’ he whispered through his sobs.
He kissed her again. Evelyn savoured the taste of his lips.
‘I promise you. Forever,’ he swore without taking his mouth from hers.
Finally, Evelyn could no longer get the air into her lungs. She faded into darkness with his kiss lingering on her lips. The pounding in her chest ceased as the ice finally claimed her heart.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hello, satina. Since this is the first time I've critiqued anything of yours, there is probably two things you should know: one, if you have any questions, ask them; two, if my handwriting is illegible please tell me. I really love this chapter, I'll have to find the rest to post.
STATE OF ELECTRICS
The only thing that bothers me is that when Adrian is Adrian again after stabbing Evelyn, why doesn't he call someone or get help? Or why isn't he more in shock?
Ta,
Cal.
Satina, I think you just made me cry. I can barely see the computer screen cause my vision is all blurry. It was that good.
You made me bawl!
hehe))
How could this happen to more Evelyn! How could Adrian allow this to happen to her! He says he loves her but then she dies! Ah, this just breaks my heart.
But I’m guessing that’s what you were aiming for with this, huh? I just hate that you let Evelyn die, though. I didn’t want her to do die!
Well, I can’t praise you enough for this piece. It was simply flawness. The flow was superb and the plot beyond amazing. I can’t even find words…it felt like I was reading out of novel or something.
Now, I think a gold star is in order, huh?
*smiles happily as she presses the star button*
I know this review isn’t very helpful but at least you now know that I liked your story
Don’t ever stop writing, Satina!
((I like Fall_Into_The_Sky's idea about revenge in the cult
Thanks for pointing those out. I've always used single quotation marks as I find it doesn't matter, so long as you're consistent.
And the bit where she is speaking incoherantly is because she had just woken up. Guess I didn't show that properly. Shall revisit.
An interesting idea... Adrian's revenge... **makes a mental note**
What's that mom
Whatever
You should use “ quotations not ‘ and separate the conversations from the other writing.
is honor
This is my favorite part ^
P.S. I liked the concept of this story.
Though it would be great if there was a part two.
Maybe where he takes revenge in the cult..
Just a thought.
Thanks for reading everyone. I'm glad I've finished this story. I'd love to hear your feedback as I'm still a little unsure as to whether some parts worked or not