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David Echoe: The Island Of Shadows

by davidechoe13


Chapter 2

No, It's Not Over.

Rick walked home by himself, he was tired, covered in dirt and cuts from being dragged around by shadowy tentacles. He wearily walked up the stairs on his front porch and stepped inside. Rick's parents were at work so he had the day by himself, he walked past the cardboard boxes full of his junk, he was moving to Old York in just a few weeks, to find a good job, and a good college. His room was now consisted of just a bed and dresser, which contained a few clothes. Rick practically collapsed on his bed, he felt too tired to do anything else. He lay there wondering, what had happened in the cave? Well now that he thought about it, what happened became quite clear. He was nearly killed by a Shadow, Rick did think the name was appropriate considering that the Shadows looked just like well like shadows. Oh, it was making Rick's head hurt, Shadows, shadows, the difference? One kills and one doesn't, except, Rick wasn't dead, he was alive thanks to David Echoe. A kid had saved his life, and never even showed the slightest sign of fear, he didn't even seem surprised. David was a strange person, with a hobby of life and death situations.

Rick closed his eyes and tried to push the thoughts of the day out of his mind so that he might try and get some rest.

“Where's the mayonnaise?” Asked a voice from the kitchen. With a groan he yelled back.

“Try the fridge!” Wait a second! Rick jumped up out of bed and burst through the house and into the kitchen.

“Oh, Hey thanks.” David said as he opened the fridge and got the mayonnaise.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?” Rick screamed pulling at his hair.

“Oh, this is your house?” David asked genuinely surprised “Talk about luck.” Rick took a deep breath and sat down across from David who was eating his sandwich as if he hadn't noticed that Rick was on the verge of a total breakdown.

“Why are you here?” Rick asked “If it's got to do with those Shadow thingies I want no part in it!” David gave him another strange look.

“I came here for a sandwich; and quite possibly to see if you wanted to have an adventure of a week”

“Adventure of the week?” Rick asked questioningly, the comment made absolutely no sense.

“Well you see” David said “Most people say that your gonna go on the adventure of a lifetime but I go on those like every Thursday, so its more like the adventure of the week rather than of a life time.” Rick just gave him another confused look, this guy made absolutely no sense.

“Why would we have to go on an adventure?” He asked grabbing the mayonnaise he himself was starting to feel hungry.

“Because there's a Shadow on the loose” David said, his mouth full “ And since you opened the little black box I figured you might wanna help catch the thing.”

“It's not my fault somebody put a Shadow in a little black box and put it where nobody would find it.” Rick countered “And why is it so important that we capture this thing?”

“Because” David said “ There’s an old friend of mine coming, well I say friend we are more like rivals, he tries to kill me and I save the day, his name is Blake Hamilton, heard of him?” Rick nodded, he had read in the newspaper a while back about Blake finding several ancient treasures in the newspaper. Mercenaries were not cool.

“Why is he coming?” Rick asked as David shuffled around in his pocket for what appeared to be a napkin with words on it.

“My notes” He said laying it out on the table. “Oh yes, Blake is coming because the shadow is a weapon.” David read his words off the note as if he was a droning 3rd grader still learning how to read. “The shadow, when captured and tamed turns into a sword of some sort!” David hopped up out of his chair he was getting excited, the race track was in front of him, “It's pretty powerful so we don't want people like Blake getting ahold of it.” Rick looked at him curiously, he had a decision to make, get mixed into something he really had no desire to be a part of or, just hang around and wait it all out.

“I'm in.” He said already regretting the decision “But can I ask how you know all of this?”

“Google” Was the adventurers reply.


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Sun May 26, 2013 11:58 pm
EloquentDragon wrote a review...



ED here to review

First of all, I liked this. A lot. I want to read the rest of it sometime---so if you need more reviews on this just PM me. It’s review day and humor is such a nice break from what I’ve been wading through for the past ten hours. ;)

Anyways, let me say something first of all: Humor is a very personal thing. One person finds something funny while the other doesn’t see it that way. Here, there is a cute innocence to the characters and situations. But I would have liked to see a lot more irony and sarcasm. And bizarreness, bizarreness is goo. As-is, I found this to be rather dry. It almost seems like you’re trying too hard to make these things funny---humor should feel and read naturally. Write without any pressure to make it “funny,” if your characters and story are strong enough, the funniness will come out anyways, without you having to over work it. Like I said though, humor is quite personal.

The only other problem with this is that you seem to do a lot of telling here and not much showing. Use visual descriptions here! Show us how David makes his sandwich, how Rick slumps in his chair, etc. They say God is in the details, and you need a lot more here.

Other than those two things this was great. Keep up the good work!
-ED




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Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:31 pm
Jony wrote a review...



Hey! Nice job! I'm liking this story a lot and I have to say chapter 2 seems more polished and well, easier to read and comprehend than chapter one.

I like David a lot, I think he seems like a very funny character. I think the dialogue is very funny and witty, it made me smile reading how David replies so nonchalantly to all of this. I'm not sure if you intended for it to read this way or not but it all seems kind of rushed, like Rick is all of a sudden being thrown into this out of nowhere.

I'm really not a grammer dictator so I can't help you much there but from first read through, it seems all grammatically correct (ask VeerenVKS to review your work if you want an extremely thorough grammer review, trust me it helps a lot)

I like the plot, but I think some background information sooner than latter will help things move smoothly and keep people from getting too confused. And then there is just some nit-picky minor stuff like commas after quotations and adding some periods here and there but I think people who know more about punctuation than me would be more helpful than me in pointing out all that stuff.

All in all, I think this story seems very good and funny, with adventure coming our way (the adventure of a week not a lifetime haha) I look forward to reading more, so keep me updated, and don't be afraid to message me if you want me review any more of your works or just to keep me updated. I hope this helped!

Oh and one more thing, when Rick referred to "Old York" I was a little confused, there is not such place called "OLD York" Only York or New York. Or is "Old York" supposed to be like our equivalent to New York and this is being set in a different world than ours. I think you should make that distinction a little more clear.




davidechoe13 says...


Thanks for the review! Old York is in fact a fifferent place i will definately work on clarifying everything!



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Sat Apr 20, 2013 1:13 am
davidechoe13 says...



My computer was glitched when i tried to submit this chapter, as maybe you noticed it's not an essay it is part two of my story.





Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou