David Echoe walked through the debris. Old York was gone, Atlantis in its place. He walked over the top of a bank vault, money, blowing in the wind. David looked at it but, it didn’t feel right. He knew he shouldn’t be out there, they could find him at any moment. A dark cloud was closing in; the suspense was almost too much. The Atlantean spires rose high in the sky, David closed his eyes and the memories came flashing back.
He found himself back in the diner, his coffee getting cold. Molly sat across from him. Rick was paying for some more food. Steven was outside looking at the sky. He looked around not believing he was there again. Then the earthquakes ripped the ground like it was paper.
David opened his eyes. He hid behind a broken wall, dust fell onto his shoulder. David waited in agony to hear what he knew would come. The eight foot lizards. the building was crashing around him. He closed his eyes.
David was tired; the creatures were shrieking their heads off, earthquakes ripping through the streets. Time slowed down, he felt a sharp pain in his back, as the building fell behind him. Debris shot out everywhere, more dangerous than bullets. He instinctively hit the asphalt as a chunk of concrete rolled over his back scraping him from his tailbone to his back.
David opened his eyes again the noise coming louder and louder. Or maybe it was just that it was small and in fear he heard everything. But he saw the shadow, long in the dying sun. He watched as the shadow pulled a weapon of some sort off its back. Sweat rolled down David’s face as the creature got closer and closer. David knew that if he was caught the alarms would sound and he would be chased by the massive lizards. Mystroe would stop at nothing to kill him. The shadow got close and stopped it turned to the wall of concrete and took a step its foot crunching the gravel. It’s face peeked around the corner…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! David yelled. Then he sighed and looked down. “Dustbunny, the next time you do that im gonna drop kick you,then im gonna let you float down and then im gonna kick you again.”
“David, David, David, oh dear come on there’s a long journey ahead.”
The sort of End (kind of a spoiler in a sense with some parts 
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Alright, so I noticed a few grammar mistakes:
The comma should be after "it" and before "but" (David looked at it, but it didn’t feel right.)
This is more a matter of opinion but I would combine some of this instead of having so many short sentences. For example: Molly sat across from him, Rick was paying for some more food and Steven was outside looking at the sky.
Here "the" should be capitalized. (The building was crashing around him.)
Here you say "back" twice near the end, try changing up the wording a bit. For example: He instinctively hit the asphalt as a chunk of concrete rolled over him, scraping him from his tailbone to his back.
Here you missed a quotation, it should be: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!," David yelled.
Other then the grammatical mistakes though, the story is good. Your idea is definetely unique which is important when there are so many other stories out there. Keep writing!
Alright, so I noticed a few grammar mistakes:
The comma should be afterit and before but (David looked at it, but it didn’t feel right.)
This is more a matter of opinion but I would combine some of this instead of having so many short sentences. For example: Molly sat across from him, Rick was paying for some more food and Steven was outside looking at the sky.
Here "the" should be capitalized. (The building was crashing around him.)
Here you say "back" twice near the end, try changing up the wording a bit. For example: He instinctively hit the asphalt as a chunk of concrete rolled over him, scraping him from his tailbone to his back.
Here you missed a quotation, it should be: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!," David yelled.
Other then the grammatical mistakes though, the story is good. Your idea is definetely unique which is important when there are so many other stories out there. Keep writing!
Thank you for reviewing and thanks for reading and the support! your awesome!