choking on air

I came across this poem, already expecting a metaphor of drowning to sum up the feeling of isolation. My expectations were answered in the passages about being underwater, feeling "impossible to speak a word". I like your use of metaphors, and I can safely say that they are your strongest suit. More to the point, the speaker is responding to a statement- more to the point, a criticism. The speaker explains why, i.e. they were left alone. When someone is so used to being on their own, they become like that. You addressed that theme well, and your presentation of isolation is also commendable.

Now, I must elaborate on what I think you could improve on. First of all, the opening line is singled out. I don't know if this was a formatting issue or a deliberate choice. If it is a deliberate choice, it doesn't really add anything. If anything, it detracts from the themes of isolation you mention later on. If you want to make a serious point, using words like silly make the speaker sound like a butthurt eight year old, as opposed to an introverted individual with existential despair. Your punctuation is also lacking, with a lack of capital letters, though this could be deliberate.

Overall, despite some errors, I did like this poem. It just needs a little bit of tweaking to smooth over some rough edges.

Hi,
I asked you, how's a person choking on air. Nevertheless, it is an interesting title.

**REVIEW STARTS HERE**

The opening is quite normal and the second and third line seem to be plain as well. I don't know the exact reasons why, but the things I can share you are, you lack some important descriptions here. For examples, silly in what? writing what? talking what? See, you're merely telling us now. And please show as much as you can and avoid telling. For examples again, show us the proofs on how the speaker writes so much and talking so little. It would avoid confusion as well.

Moving on,

“you won’t ever have anyone
if you always stay closed.”

as the oceans that you fear.

Hey darlig! Here for a quick review!

First off, I want to say I can pull out SO much from your poem. Mostly because I feel as if I can relate to it in a lot of ways. I really like the idea of being open and comparing it to the ocean, the world's most open area.

"as the oceans that you fear"
This part really hits me and gets me to think. Are you saying that obviously, yes, you are as open as the ocean. But the fear part, I feel a sense of confidence in showing that you can overcome the ocean that other people fear. I understand the feeling of feeling unstoppable, like you can take down any situation

I feel like the flow of the poem is a little choppy (get it? Like the ocean?), possibly revise and find a syllable pattern that helps the overall poem move the feeling.
I also would love to see what you could do if you expressed more about the ocean part, make the reader feel the ocean, make them feel unstoppable.

and then..

"I drowned in myself"
I totally feel you. As if your whole world just crashes down onto you. I adore how you came back with your ocean idea at the end where you drown in yourself. Possibly from a bad decision? I don't want to assume things.

Overall, I really love it! I would like to see what else you put out and if you put out another version of this!

Hey, darlig.

First of all, welcome to YWS!

The title of your poem is awesome. The theme is good, too. But its appearance isn't so good.

You know, punctuation is said to be the jewel of writing. You should have used in a better way. You could have capitalized the first word of every sentence. I said sentence, not line.

I have liked the lines, specially, "But like a doorframe/ with no door/ All anyone can ever do/ is pass through".

But I thought the line, "I didn't know how to tell you" a little bit, just a little bit, plain, simple. I would like to twist it a little bit.

That's all I would say. I have enjoyed the poem. Hoping to enjoy more ones like this.

This was really cool! I liked the way it flowed. But its really short. I suggest making it longer. That's really all. I liked that it didn't have a rhyming scheme. And what you said is true. You did good. Keep working on it!