Published July 28, 2008
I fell so hard for you
I've tried so hard to make you like me
To make you laugh
To make you want me
I've tried buying expensive clothes
To show of my curves
I've tried being really thin
So maybe then you'd watch me
I've tried being shy
I've tried being crazy
I've tried being hard to get
Yet you still won't call me baby
But I've had enough
This road is too rough
You have to know
That it's too late
I'm throwing the towel in
As I wipe the the tears off my chin
If you actually liked me
You took much too long
Because waiting for you now
It just feels so wrong
And if you never liked me at all
I'm sorry I wasted my time on you
You must understand I will always love you
I'll always stand by your side
But you won't see me around
I won't be coming down to see you
It's too late
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to be completely honest, this should have been put somewhere other than dramatic poetry. just make sure you are aware of what goes were next time ok?
hmmmmmm... i didn't really like this, it sounds like the drama at my school. honestly it sounds like a middle schooler talking about her crush. sorta pathetic. if you've gone through this im sorry and hey, if writing makes you feel better about it then feel free. but i dont think this poem is well written at all.
Very cliche opening lines.
Suddenly you have a rhyme here? It's odd to create a sudden rhyme in the middle of a poem. Maybe there's a synonym you could replace one with?
Good imagery, but there's the sudden rhyme again.
This seems way too contradictory to make sense.
Overall, this needs work. Take Sportgurl's advice with more showing and less telling. Incorporate more imagery. You have plenty of chances to do so in here. Especially with the clothes. You could also describe being shy and being crazy, etc. Good luck and keep writing!
~Yoyo
hey
great poem
here are my thoughts
this should be off in stead of well...of.watch you do what? you should explain.
this verse is too long, try shortening it.
coming down were?
in your poem you do more telling then showing. you need to try and show us what is going on instead of telling us. i know it's hard (i struggled at first) but the more you practice the easier it gets. i hope this helps
happy writing