Through These Eyes Chapter I

Chapter I: Broken Dream

I woke from a dark sleep, a nightmare of reality, fear and disgrace. Voices swirled around me as I rose, my face showing my fear as they howled their terrifying moans. Their voices spoke a prophecy of my doom. Their faces were those my enemies, everyone who had scorned me in the place I hated. Their faces were ugly, and misshaped, like wild beasts stalking their prey.

As I tried to push passed them, their voices echoed louder in this strange place.

“Your life for theirs . You will end them or yourself. Your rage will take hold of you, and the peace will never come.” the tyrants squawked as they chased me, haunting me as I ran.

They followed me through the thick jungle I had stumbled into, trying to escape their treachery. But their pursuit continued, their faces yearned for my death, lusting for my carcass.

As they chased my heart grew larger, beating faster than it ever had. I saw everything around me, the beauty of the jungle. For a moment it was as if I were not being chased and time stood still. The serenity of this jungle surpassed anything I could ever have imagined. The trees teemed with life, animals scurrying about as I fled for my life.

I could not describe the full beauty of that place, as words would and could not describe how that environment made me feel. Being chased by mindless creatures wanting nothing but my destruction, my utter annihilation made me feel alive. But at that moment I did not realize what they were warning.

“Your life for theirs! Your life for theirs!” They chanted louder, forming into one voice.

I turned to look as I ran, still scared beyond the human limit, to see that the faces had spawned a child that was one, engrained with their disdain for me, and hatred for paradise. He lumbered behind me yelling what his parents had, but in a tone that seemed caring. I knew that could not be true, but somehow my heart felt he was not trying to harm me.

“No!” my mind screeched to my heart.

“Do not trust that voice! It will destroy everything you are, everything you have worked so hard for. That mindless creature behind us spells nothing but death for you.”

My heart overtook my mind and I turned to the monster, tripping over my own feet. I fell to the ground hard, almost losing consciousness when I did. The creature behind me lumbered the distance between the two of us and stopped, cold in his tracks. He stood over me, I looking up, trembling at what he might do. Had my heart been wrong? Was I about to become victim to another ruse that I had played on myself, one that falsely told me that beast would accept me, and I could belong.

“No please don't kill me! We are one and the same, the two of us. We are blood.” I yelled in confusion.

His eyes showed what he was thinking, what his mind was. He did not want to harm me, but help me. Those faces that had spawned him did not anticipate his compassion for a soul such as mine, broken by time, by the injustices laid upon me in the real world.

I lay upon the ground, cringing in pain, looking a pitiful sight. His massive arm reached out to me.

He spoke in a gentle tone now, comforting me, rebelling against the demons that created him.

“Your life will be for theirs. But it is not certain. The hatred you feel for them is deserving, and wrath will lay waste to what they know, but not by your hand. In time the fire in your heart will smolder and eventually fade into the wind. I worry for you though, for your mind may indeed rule what the fire becomes, and if the smoldering ashes still have a small flame you may find yourself the cause of the destruction you wish to avoid.”

When he finished his speech my wounds were healed. My trembling ceased, and a euphoric feeling swept through me. The anger I felt before left me, my spirit now invincible. My euphoric state led me to ponder the prophecy the faces predicted.

But before I could I felt a sensation and looked upward, trying to thank the creature that had just freed me, but I could not for he disappeared, disintegrating into the fog that was now my mind.

My thoughts wandered back to the wise words of that towering creature, half beast, half man. I knew the words he spoke were true. The darkness inside me was rising with every passing moment. Fear should have set in, and my heart should have been pounding, but it was not.

My mind was calm and at last I looked around. I cannot truly describe in words how beautiful that realm was. The chase had brought me to a beach, far from the peak where I had awakened. It was a masterpiece of serenity, and the quiet played as an orchestra did. The ocean's waves rolled in from the sea, but did not crash. Every aspect of this place was gentle, calm, and non-threatening. The sun above did not burn as in the real world, nor did the ocean present itself as ominous. The words that flowed from the mouth of that great beast before echoed through my mind, like a drug that kept me sane and wanting more.

With this my mind faded into another, greater state of euphoric pleasure. My thoughts ceased and my worries became nonexistent. I let myself finally breathe, not of necessity but to take in the new world I now inhabited. I began to explore my new home, and it was indeed as I thought when I first saw the beach.

“Free at last!” I yelled, my voice echoing for miles.

As I walked along the beach all was still, except for the wind which blew gently across the sand. It was cool on my face, and the smell of sea salt filled my nose. I felt free for the first time in my life. This island was a testament to my seclusion, and an escape from my past. The faces that not so long ago hunted me no longer dwelled here. I was alone, isolated. I should have felt a sense of what was coming, but did not, for peace in myself was rare.

That first day was amazing, though tough. On that beach I made my home permanent. These two hands I now hold before me built a campsite fit for a king. I was quick to set up a hammock, a house made of branches (but this was stronger than any brick could ever be), a fire that roared with the blazing fury of hell itself, and two beds, one under the stars, and one in the comfort of that fortress.

I finally accomplished something in a wretched existence with no meaning, something I could be proud of. My heart grew that day, and happiness swept me. When I began my journey from the peak of the island, scared, alone, and scorned I wished for nothing more than death, but the anger subsided, and settled with a new home and was buried under all I had built. With the sun setting over the ocean's horizon I finally lay down, resting from an adventurous first day in my own Eldorado. What short time was spent here bred in me a new found confidence, one with no ill intent, no evil in it, but one that was proud to be this person in this body, this soul who dwelt in hell for the majority of his life.

The twilight now descending on my face. The world opened up even further. The place I called Eldorado was more tranquil when nightfall came. The sand turned to gold in that dim light, the shapes of trees beginning to dance. My eyes wandered around my dwellings and saw what the trees and bushes were dancing to, and in. The wind blew harder, causing the trees to sway more.

Calming at first their dance moved me in ways I could never have been in the days before, in my essence in that past life. The horrible things done to me in reality were a faint memory then; scenes of horrific torture, and brutal inflictions upon me no longer weighed heavy on my heart. The disgusting faces of my tormentors became that of legend, of myth in my thoughts. The blood that once flowed from these veins had finally stopped dripping every moment, killing me slowly, destroying all of what I stood for, all of good that was once inside me. The good feeling days past had returned finally, and these trees exemplified my paradise.

Yet, with each passing moment the wind howled louder, the trees' dance turned more fearsome, and their delicate figures began twisting, twirling, and becoming deformed as the storm approached. They whistled a silent warning, much like what the spirits before had told me. An ominous signal indeed that my world, my home that I had just created was to fall apart now. And for what?

Before I move on with my story I must tell you reader that my heart at that moment bellowed its angry cry, exploding at the sight of its work being completely obliterated.

“Damn the gods! Damn reality! For all I have created is gone, or is leaving me!” I yelled. I looked as one who was savage, with no qualities of one who lives in the cities, or civilization. My body could withstand that horrid storm, but my mind was again led astray from the path I sought, from the utopia I craved for so badly.

The winds ripped my house, its sturdy base completely and wholly ruined all of what used to be mine. It cackled and laughed as it whipped me on my back, leaving gashes which bled a sanguinary liquid. The water began to crash ashore, now hungry for land, turning red as the wind beat me. The wind fed the water, and gave it strength with each wave of soldiers crashing on my beach. With every second passing my beach grew smaller, engulfed by the red rising tide. Trees began to uproot, and crash into others, causing a domino effect, effectively annihilating anything that stood in its way. I watched in agony as a huge wave then suddenly crashed into the beach, flooding the land, swallowing everything, including me, casting my body into a swirling vortex of blood, of water, of tears, of everything, every aspect of humanity that was in me.

When that huge wave swallowed me I cursed the world, and under the water I still held spite for my creator, an those who lived such miserable lives on the other side of that dream who sustained themselves by preying on me me, and throwing vicious, relentless taunts in my direction. This water was their doing, their misguided hatred for those who were different. The waves beneath the surface threw me in every which direction, twisting and contorting my body into shapes I would never fit into under normal circumstances. I fought for my life, as voracious as this monster's appetite. I had to live, but I did not know why.

Then I stopped, not fighting anymore as the water quickly calmed. The swells stopped, and everything went blank, into perpetual darkness. Why so sudden? Was I dead? No I did not feel my body slip away, yet I could never truly live again for that place was lost to me. Finally I could think no more as the pain set in as I fell into the blackness, reasoning no further for everything had disintegrated before me. Such a fascinating world now gone, and I was the root cause. I solely created and destroyed a world with my own anger and rage, my stupidity and everything that was bad. It crept in and smashed the entirety of any good left inside of me, leaving only a hollow shell.