loneliness is when nobody is around
a moment your feeling lost and cant be found
loneliness is when you shout a profane word
yet over all the calamity you cant be heard
loneliness is when your father turns his back on you
leaves you defenseless with noone else to look up to
loneliness is waking up each morning to noone at all
no friends nor family you have noone to call
loneliness is when your friends walk away
leaving you a feeling of emptiness through the day
loneliness is crying yourself to sleep each night
theres no one around to wipe your tears or make you smile bright
loneliness is that feeling you get when you realize nobody care
your left to yourself and you know who got you and who will always be there. god.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I liked what was happening here.
Except for spelling and grammar problems.
I tried to like it, but was instantly drawn away from the meaning of the poem by the ubiquitous errors committed against the English language.
I really did like this poem though! I thought the mood and tone of the poem conveyed the emotion you were going for nicely!
I also thought that if this were well structured, I would have LOVED it.
Keep it up!
This definitely features talent. Each line flows well and it's easily read, which is a nice change of pace from most pieces like this that I've read. The emotion is conveyed with great success and this made me feel AND think. A lot of sadness and melancholy is involved, and it's put in such a way that makes the reader feel something.
Spelling and grammar seriously needs to be watched though. Read and re-read. If this were structured correctly, it could be taken a lot more seriously and I think that the emotion you are trying to establish would have a greater impact on the reader.
It was great to read though and keep it coming!
Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I'll take that into perspective.
I don't usually read poetry unless it's something I have written but I read your tittle and had to.
Believe it or not I can relate to every line there maybe because I am going through a rough time like you are/were so I want you to know you aren't alone.
Just proof read it and correct a few minor grammatical errors here and there.
If you're feeling lazy you could just copy paste it on Microsoft Word so it can point out those mistakes, that's what I do.
Happy writing
Thank you and its nice to know someone else can relate to how i feel. Thanks
I love it!
You need to make some changes to the grammar and such, but everything else is great, how you can feel the emotion.
Some lines, though,I felt were repetitive, as if we could predict what the next line would be. It came to a point where it could be over used, could you say.
Do keep writing!
Thanks for the advice.
I like this a lot. I can relate to everything in this piece, especially the part about friends walking away and not caring.
I don't no if this is about you or just how the character is feeling, but it must be about you because it's so .. I don't know how to describe it, personal almost.
It's deep and you can feel the feelings behind it, it's amazing in a sad and sort of tragic way which is great.
Your really good at writing, this is a great piece and I've read some of your other writings which are also good, but back to this ^, I like it a lot, it's great. ~The Written Girl
Thank you I appreciate your feedback.