To none I can remember
To all I can see
This life that was given so dearly
To me.
Shatter the pane that stands between
The way to light
And the way to purgatory.
I know not of what comes
Nor of what was.
You can’t take my presence;
I’ll set your world abuzz.
There is no wall
There is no hate
That will ever put me
In society’s rightful place.
Hell to the damned;
Damnation to the hell-bound.
Forever in disgrace
Never the forlorn.
To all I can remember
To none I can see.
This life I’ve been handed
I’ll love it well;
You’ll see.
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139,616 Literary Works • 672,626 Reviews
This was simply W.O.W ! I loved the way you wrote it. this topic has been dealt with a number of times but I really liked your approach. The first four lines set the tone-
" To none I can remember
To all I can see
This life that was given so dearly
To me "
I loved the message you gave in the end, that you will love your life well come what may. An optimistic and uplifting piece. Great job.
This is something I wrote in class that just flowed. They were the first words that came to mind, and they worked, so I put them in.
Thank you for the reviews, by the way!
Here to bamboozle you ^_^
(although I didn't really understand it, for me it was some sort of hazy reckoning of defiance and life and weird stuff) Ahh, after reading it again it kind of makes sense *hits head* although I like how you don't actually tell the reader what you're on about, you leave a little to the imagination. The rhyming is kind of there when it wants to be, which is okay in my opinion, because it works for certain places.
I thought that this was brilliant
So, after the full stop, it doesn't really make much sense, it sounds like you're sticking it in for the heck of it, unless it's linked to the first part, which it doesn't really explain.
for me, saying 'that' seems kind of flat, maybe reword it?
I feel like there should be words before 'be', it sounds a bit strange, also it would add more syllables, because at the moment those lines are 4, and the the next is 6.
<3 this part
Keep up the writing!
~Tinkembell