Look at the ocean,
If I'm not there
Look at the lake,
If I'm not there
Look at the sky,
If I'm not there
Look in your heart
Because I will always,
be there. <3
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Heyo!
You have a very sweet idea, and this poem has a lot of potential, but try to add more detail! Your poem at the moment is somewhat cliche, as thousands of other writers out there are writing about the exact same thing. Add some depth, make it your own! I would love to see this poem when you've added some more lines to it and expanded on your ideas.
My second comment would be repetition. Many people may like the repeating line, but I'm sorry to say, it doesn't really work in your poem.
Finally, delete the comma and the <3. You don't need either.
You have a great idea, but it needs some work.
~blu
Hello there!
I'm not good in reviewing poetry but I'll try my best to be of help.
Okay, I like this though it was short but it was cute.
Things that I want to comment about:
Length & Idea: I like how you kept your poem short but you also really need to express the message you are trying to tell us. You need to expand more the feelings or the emotions of the poem but it doesn't also mean you have to make it long.
Repetition: So, I didn't really like how you repeat "I'll be there" after each lines. It could be really better if you use a statement with imagery that could still manage the shortness of the poem.
Others:
Try deleting that "<3". It's too improper to read the ending line with that. I like the last line but you really need to experiment more. By I mean of experiment, try using figures of speech and do not use those cliche' words.
Overall: I really like this though you can use good words to make it better and sweet.
Keep writing!
Peace out!
_yuri_
hey there!!
i actually liked this poem very much. it was what it should be: short and sweet!! it was nicely in ryme and even though it didn't have actually very much substance it was still nice to read.
My main critism on this poem would be its length. if only you could make it a little bit longer. Maybe try and write it out like the poem was following a story. but other than that it was fine.
- budding writer
Hi there
This was awesomely sweet and romantic. I like the repeating line because it fits into the mood. I also enjoyed the general flow and your choice of words. This was an effortless good poem. I enjoyed it. When I first looked at it, I had my doubts because it was so short, turns out the length is just right. Good job.
Noo, i dont agree with "LastPaladin" Okay, it might have been a bit repeative--
But still, it doesnt have to be complicated to be a good poem, this was short and sweet and I liked it (Y)
Hello I'm LastPaladin and I feel bad here as this is sweet, but really it's nowhere near enough to stand up. You never even give us substantial images, it's all telling us the story and ending. Look, take my advice don't post anything like this as it doesn't stand to the scrutiny of the rest of the site.
It's cute but it has no substance nothing keeping it together.
Also it's terribly repeative and the image are given then ignored.
...
I hope you understand this is meant as kindness.
Aoow, this was aweesomly sweet <3