Kyra wasn’t sure there was a word for it, she couldn’t think of a word at any rate and Kyra knew a lot of words. It had come out of nowhere (well of course it had come from somewhere, they just hadn’t seen where) snarling and foaming with red eyes like the burning fires of hell. Then it was attacking Laya and there was nothing she could do (something, there must have been something) as it ripped her apart as if she was made of nothing, it’s razor like teeth ripping through metal and flesh alike. And then it was done and it was as if Laya had never been there, all that remained was a pile of flesh with a few bones and pieces of metal mixed in. Then it turned to Kyra, its silver snout stained blue with blood and once again there was nothing (nothing, there was nothing) she could do about it. She stared deep into its eyes and lifted her head; she would die with dignity, if nothing else. It was in those last few moments that the word came to her and that perhaps was some small comfort. Horror, she thought numbly, the word is most certainly horror.
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139,495 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
I loved this, you did quite an amazing job describing as others have said before me, the monster. Now, it isn't perfect, reading it, as was said before, a little choppy. The pace was not consistent, which took away the fast pace feeling it first had. But that can be fixed with more polishing. It's quite a short piece, but has a brilliant ending. I think a lot of readers would love to know where the monster came from though and why it's attacking them. (Maybe just because it wants too?)
Overall this is a good short story you have here that could use a little bit more polishing and maybe even another take at it to improve what is already written. It has potential to be longer.
good writing i could really see this happening
Your description of the monster was very realistic and interesting. You should probably add where and how Kyra found the monster so this story could be less confusing. The sentences are choppy but I'm sure you'll get better. This does catch my attention though, good job.
Startling! How you described the "creature" was purely advanced. The story had amazing imagery, wow! I was given chills. I also like to write horrors, I find enjoyment of writing about the unsettling. The sentences were a bit choppy, but do not stress you will get better. I think you can improve this story is developing the character's relationship. You should describe the setting, maybe there add a reasoning for why this "creature" would be after them. You are very talented and your passion for writing deffinitly shows. I hope this review was helpful!
Interesting... Interesting indeed.
I find it difficult to read. A bit choppy and full of inappropriately placed "and"s. First, it was quite confusing for various reasons. Second, there seemed, at least for me, to be too many phrases in parentheses, interrupting the fast-paced flow of the story. Don't get me wrong, phrases in parentheses can be good, but just like appositives, they can be easily overused. Third, in your first sentence, "Kyra wasn’t sure there was a word for it, she couldn’t think of a word at any rate and Kyra knew a lot of words." the second time you use the name "Kyra" is extremely unnecessary. "She" would flow much better, even though you used it before. Another idea is to entirely rearrange the sentence. Fourth, you spoke quite repetitively. For example, in the first sentence (the example I used before) you repeated the idea that there wasn't a "word" for it over and over again. This can easily and quickly bore the reader. Fifth, I would have liked to know what the beast looked like more in depth. Explaining that its eyes are fire-red explains that it's evil, but it doesn't explain everything else about. I immediately imagine a panther with bright red eyes. This is just what I imagine, but someone else may imagine something else. It's good to leave it up to the imagination of the reader, but it's not good to give one or two somewhat minor details and let everything else be freestyled in their mind. Lastly, I felt no real sympathy for the characters. "Why?" Because I had no context. Seldom now do I think of horror stories, but one thing I know is that thing are much scarier if it seems much more real and if you "feel with the characters". Take time to write a story with context and emotions. Don't be afraid to get the reader attached to the characters.
I do not mean to offend you in this. Once I wrote like this, I would open stories in the middle of the primary action with no purpose for doing so, and no context for the entire story or characters. I feel I write much better than I once did, in fact, perhaps I spend too much of my time writing about context, such as with "The Riviith". Don't get discouraged, as I say many times, "When you are writing, you only can get better." So keep on writing, listen to your English classes, and try to imagine more and more unique things and ideas.