A chance to make it right

“Dad! Look at it go, this is the best gift ever.” Kent came running up to me and dove into my arms giving me the biggest hug ever.

“I’m glad you like it son, next year we can enter the river boating race.” I smiled down on him and ruffled his hair. He turned ten this year and when I saw the boat in the toy store, I knew he would love it. He ran off again when he spotted his friend Alex coming towards us.

“It looks like your gift is most popular this year.” Sara came and hugged me from behind; I turned and gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Sure looks that way, yours was also a pretty awesome gift.” I winked at her

“I don’t think a team jacket of the lions can out beat a toy river boat.” My wife looked up at me again and smiled; I simply took her hand in mine and walked towards our son.

“Kent, it’s time to go home, your grandparents will be on their way.”

He scooped his boat out the river, said good bye to Alex and put the remote control in his back pack. He came running over to us and grabbed hold of his mom’s hand.

“I liked your gift too mommy.” He smiled at her and looked forward again. We walked hand in hand to our house.

I woke up in a panic and found myself lying on my bedroom floor, my dream had been interrupted by the phone ringing, and I left it to ring as I stared up at my ceiling. It had been the fourth time this week that I’ve been having these dreams and I don’t know where they are coming from and why I’m having them in the first place, they only used to happen every year around this time, around the time of the boys birthday and now it’s become a daily occurrence. I shot up in panic again when I realized that I had slept through my alarm, and I was late for work yet again!  I splashed water on my face, brushed my teeth and threw on the closest suit in my cupboard. Before running out the door, I listened to the message on the answering machine and like the last time, there was nothing but heavy breathing.

I work as a lawyer for a private pharmaceutical company known as ICE pharmacies. I was completely distracted and let all my calls go to voice mail as I sat in my office starring at my four walls, I felt like they were closing in on me, suffocating me to death. I didn’t even notice the boss standing in my door way until he cleared his throat, I immediately came to my feet and turned to face him, the whole motion seemed like a robot, something that was not me.

“Kent is something the matter?”

“No sir why would anything be wrong?” I knew it was a pointless reply

“You’ve been late four times this week, none of your calls are answered and you look like the life has been sucked out of you.”

“I’m sorry sir.” And another pointless reply from me.

“Kent, we’ve always need you on top form, you’re the best lawyer we have and I’d hate for something to go wrong when you’re in this state of mind.”

“Yes sir.”

“This is what we’re going to do, you are going to take the next two weeks off, keep your phone on in case we need you to come in. Go and clear your mind, please.”

I couldn’t believe what he just said; I was expecting to hear something along the lines of you’re fired!

“Thank you sir, I promise to come back in top form.” He turned to walk out the door

“Oh and Kent.”

“Yes sir?”

“If you don’t come back in top shape, then I’m afraid, I’m going to have to fire you.” With that last comment he closed my office door behind him and left me standing shocked and surprised.

I still didn’t understand what was happening to me, I’ve never had a problem with being late and I never used to have these dreams this often. This week has been my worst, I took my coat off the rack and made my way to my car, ignoring everyone in my path as I stayed focused on the thoughts that were running a mock in my mind. I need to get down to the bottom of this or else I won’t have a job in two weeks and not to mention I’ll go completely insane.

I climbed out my car and stood in front of the toy store; I saw the river boat in the mirror and made my way to the door. After I bought and paid for the boat, I sat holding it in my car; I did this every single year – bought the gift that I saw in my dream, for the boy I dreamed about. I looked up, he’s the reasons for my dreams and he doesn’t even exist! A mistake that happened a year ago, maybe this is my punishment, because I was the one who told Sara to end the pregnancy, to get rid of the child because I couldn’t be expected to handle it. Is she experiencing the same things? - The dreams and then going out to buy presents every year for a child that never even came into this world in the first place. I can’t go on like this anymore; I turned to put the boat on the back seat and then started the engine.

At home I took the boat and put it in the cupboard with all the other gifts and afterwards I stared into the closet for what seemed like a long time. I went and sat on my bed, I needed to sleep, but I didn’t want the dreams to start again, and yet I could feel my eyes were fighting back and I slowly let myself fall back onto the bed and closed my eyes.

“Kent, we need to talk and it’s urgent.”

“Sara, babe, can’t it wait? I’ve got practice now.”

“No, it can’t wait, be at my house straight after school please.”

“Sara, if I miss practice, I’ll be benched for the next game and you know how important this season is for me, can I not come after practice? I’ll come straight to your house, I promise.”

“Fine Kent, just be here.” I heard the click at the end of the call, she just hang up on me, no bye, nothing.

“Having lady troubles again Kent.” My buddy Nick said as he slapped me on the back

“Whatever Nick, just focus more on your serves today and less on me!” With that, I ran out onto the court.

Practice was a complete mess up today, that phone call with Sara screwed up my whole game play, and on top of that I wasn’t focused at all. Sara’s house came into view and I found myself dreading the conversation that was to follow, after parking, I just sat in the car staring dead straight ahead until I finally found the energy to climb out and walk towards the door, through it all my legs felt numb. I knocked and felt myself go week in the knees cut it out Kent; you have nothing to worry about! I heard myself saying to calm my nerves. She opened the door and said nothing as I followed her in and closed the door behind me.

“Sara is everything ok?” she immediately shot words at me

“What do you think Kent? Why would I phone you in a panic, only for you to turn around and tell me you’re busy! Then you expect me to wait until your practice is over and you come to my house asking a question like that!”

“Babe I’m…”

“Don’t babe you’re sorry me! I don’t want to hear it. Just sit down so I can get this off my chest please.”

She lifted her on hand and rubbed her temples as I sat down. I felt myself wishing that I could be somewhere else and then the words hit my hard.

“Kent, I’m pregnant.”

I looked up from the ground and looked directly at her for what seemed like hours, my mind was telling me to tell her that everything is going to be ok, we’ll get through this together. While I held her in my arms as she cried, but what I did instead was something not of me. I rose from the chair and looked down onto her.

“Get rid of it!” she stood up just as quickly as I did, we were now face to face, the tension rising.

“What! Kent, this is our baby, I’m not just going to get rid of it like it’s a bag of rubbish.”

“Sara, you WILL get rid of it, I don’t have time for a kid, it will ruin my life and ill end up ruining its life like my dad did to me! I’m not going to have a child.”

“It’s not just your decision to make, it’s ours!”

“Just get rid of it and that’s the end of this discussion!” with that I stormed towards the door and as I was slamming the door shut I heard the words “Fine!” I slammed my trucks door shut and raced out of her driveway. I didn’t know that, that would be the last time I would ever see or speak to her again.

I sat up firm in bed when I heard the phone ringing again, this time I would answer, this time I would know who it is that’s been calling me, I picked up the receiver and spoke.

“Hello, who is this?” nothing but silence

“Hello, why do you keep calling here.” I waited for a reply and was just about to speak again when a young ladies voice answered.

“Hello Kent, this is Amanda, my friend said you were a great lawyer and I was phoning to find out if I can please hire you.” Disappointed, I replied

“Hi there Amanda, where do you stay and what case do you need me for?” there was silence on the other end again

“I stay in Johannesburg and I would like you to help me divorce my husband.” I felt my brow lines fuse together

“I’m sorry Ms. But I’m based in Cape Town and don’t handle family law. If you want, I can give you contact details of a few lawyers in your area.”

“No thank you, I want you and no one else, be on the next plane here please.”

“Miss, I…”

“I’ll pay you a large sum.” She gave me the address and then hanged up

I stood in my lounge holding the paper in my hands, why on earth would she need me so badly? I’ve got the next two weeks off and decided I would go anyway.

The transport service dropped me off outside her house and I made my way towards the door. A young girl answered the door

“Kent?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Come right in.” she lead me to the lounge I put my bag down as I sat on the couch, the voice sounded like the one I spoke with on the phone, but she’s too young, in her teens maybe, I placed her as Amanda’s daughter.  A little boy came into the room and sat down next to the young lady.

“Is your mom on her way?” was the only reasonable question I could think of asking

“No, she is a way till this evening.” The little boy replied with a shy smile, I immediately became confused, why she would make me get on a plane if she’s not even here. The young lady interrupted my thoughts.

“Sir.”

“Yes?”

“It was me who called, I’m Amanda.”

“What? I take it this is not about a divorce lawyer then is it?”

“No sir, it’s not, and I’m sorry that we had to lie to you to get you to come here.”

“Why am I here? And where are your parents?”

“His mom is away on business, she’ll be home later on tonight and his dad isn’t in the picture. I’m the baby sitter.”

“You still haven’t told me why I’m here.” I was starting to get annoyed and could see that the young lady was starting to feel upset, she didn’t answer my question, but instead the little boy did.

“I asked her to call you sir.” He continued with a question that caught me completely off guard.

“Ten years ago, did you get a lady by the name Sara pregnant?”

I froze and looked directly at him and then the girl, memories of the past come rushing back and my dream of early was on repeat mode in my head, I didn’t answer, I couldn’t.

“I’m sorry if I’m being forward sir.” I just looked directly at him and then it hit me, he looked exactly like the boy from my dreams; he sounded different, but still looked the same. I looked around for the nearest picture and then she caught my eye, on the wall was a photo of Sara holding a baby boy and it looked like the very first dream that I had. I looked at the young lady and boy again who now was staring at his lap.

“Yes I did.” I said in a whisper and dropped my head, his head shot up after I said that

“Dad.” I looked up at him again, shaken by the words he just said.

“How can it be? How do you know if it’s me? I don’t understand.” None of this made sense to me, unless, unless Sara kept the baby.

“Mommy never talks to me about my dad, so I asked Amanda to help me find you, she didn’t think it was a good idea, but I begged her.” He continued speaking

“I found an old year book and it had a photo of you and my mom, we looked up all the Kent’s that we could find and then I saw a photo of you in a group of people for some medicine company. You looked the same. I asked Amanda to call you.”

“Your mom, won’t she be angry?” I was just trying to process the entire thing

“Yes, I think she will, but all I want from you is why did you leave us? Then you can go home.”

“I think you’re too young and your mom should be here.”

“I’ve waited long enough and I’m ten years old, mom says I’m the man of the house, I want to know.”

“What’s your name?”

“Andrew Kent Burrows.” His middle name is my name, how can that be? I was sure Sara hated me after what I did

“You sure you want to hear this?”

“Yes please.”

“I didn’t leave you Andrew, I didn’t mean to do what I did to your mom, my mind was telling me to say one thing, but I said another and regretted it ever since. When she told me that she was pregnant, I didn’t want her to have the baby because I couldn’t handle a kid then and I didn’t want to be like my father and end up leaving you both when you’re small. Looks like I did do what he did after all, I wanted to tell your mom that we could figure this all out. Instead I forced her to end the pregnancy and left, I didn’t see or speak to her again after that. She left school and the country; I thought it was because she did do it. I’m sorry Andrew; I can’t fix any of that, if I could do it over, I would.”

“You wouldn’t have me born?” I looked up at his face and saw the hurt that filled his face; this was not the type of conversation to have with a ten year old kid.

“No Andrew, I wouldn’t leave you or your mom.” He smiled at me

“Really” I got down on my knees to be level with him and put my hands on his knees.

“Really” with that I heard a door close

“Amanda, Andrew I’m home early, so I was thinking we go see a…”

She walked into the lounge and I immediately sprung to my feet, Amanda and Andrew did the same thing. She still looked the same way she did ten years ago and still took my breath away, memories of us flooded up my mind and I couldn’t focus on anything. Amanda and Andrew left the room and she started speaking, but I didn’t hear anything until she slapped me on the arm.