Published July 4, 2010
Running,jumping and flying as i speed through the forest.
I run to try to get away from the wounds you just inflicted onto me.
Sadly i know i can not run from my troubles, but it helps me escape.
The feeling of sticks and twigs crunching under my bare feet.
My senses become energized like a live wire. I hear the
scattering of the animals as they flee from my approach.
I smell the crisp cleanliness of a mountain stream running
over the rock bed. I look and see the blood blotting my shirt.
I finally see and feel the wounds you inflicted onto me.
You broke my heart and now it bleeds. I am getting away
from you, my heart will heal in time ,
from the wounds you inflicted.
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140,234 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
All I can think right now is that that is some great imagery. I saw the whole thing play out in my mind in great detail, and it takes a lot to do that. It's short, but in my opinion it's powerful. So great work :]
You have a crisp and clear imagery laid out here. Kudos to that. However, no matter how I force myself to recognize it as a form of poetry, your "poem" really looks to me more like a prose with lyrical undertones. Additionally, the last line seems to be forced and a bit tired. And I think that the use of repetition (which usually make a poem more dramatic and powerful) didn't work here. Please
Keep Writing!