I spend most of my time alone in the basement of my house. “Basement” might instill in some people the image of a dark, cramped, somewhat unsettling room with no way out other than a narrow flight of stairs, but mine isn’t like that. Not at all. I guess it’s more of a lower level of the house - too comfy to be a “basement.” I sit on a fluffy red couch surrounded by soft white carpet across from a brick fireplace and a flatscreen TV. Most importantly is the lighting; when it gets dark I turn on these warm-light lamps which give off an almost orange hue - none of those lifeless white-light bulbs here. Hidden behind different curtains are a few windows to let in natural sunlight during the day. My favorite spot is in front of the two windowed doors at the far end of the room which lead out into the backyard (I’m not sure if “windowed door” is the right term for them - they’re like normal doors but just all glass except for a wooden frame). I love to start my mornings by coming down here, pulling back the curtains, and just sitting by those doors with a perfect view of the grass and trees, feeling the soft rug underneath my legs as the sun warms me up. I’m like a lizard, lol, basking in the sun like that.
Sometimes I forget to close the curtains before night, though.
I crept down the stairs once again at some ungodly hour. At two, maybe three after midnight - I had no idea - I found myself walking down the stairs and through the dark, narrow hallway until finally stepping into my basement sanctuary. With my footsteps muffled by the carpet there was nothing to hear except the distant hum of car engines. I flipped on the lightswitch. In the now comfortably bright, orange-tinted room my eyes were drawn to the black screen of the TV and then over to the windowed doors. There, at the center of the far wall, two windows revealing infinite darkness stood facing me. Their presence suddenly began to fill the room. The curtains were fully open allowing the darkness of night to turn the doors into black mirrors; I could see myself standing in the middle of the room staring back at myself. Somehow, the reflection felt more still than the air around me. The silence started to feel deafening. The doors seemed to threaten me, showing me that I could not see anything outside beyond my own reflection. Worse, I started to imagine what might lurk in that darkness, what creature or person might suddenly appear to stare back at me through the glass, or, even worse, that there might not be anything out there at all but the void. My breath became shallow and I felt my heart beat. The deep stillness of the black doors and the droning hum of a plane flying overhead almost compelled me to draw the curtains, or just run back upstairs. I did not like seeing the doors at night. Still, something drew me towards them.
The bright light of the lamps reflected off the gold painted door handles as I stepped closer. Finally, I could make out a little detail outside: the stone path which ran right by the outside of the house, a branch which had fallen from one of the nearby trees, and the grass at the edge of the path. My right hand touched the glass and I could see my breath on the window as my legs pulled me down to the ground. With my face pressed up against the glass I saw it: the moon, almost full, covered partially in cloud, trying to illuminate the outside world for me.
Maybe the moon shouldn’t have tried so hard. The trees looked much more alive during the day; at this hour they were just dark shapes barely standing out in front of a dark sky. They loomed over me, surrounding me, like they were waiting for me to step outside so that they could… do… something?
I heard a step on the stairs. Another. Something was slowly descending into the basement to join me. I stood up and looked down the long, dark, empty hallway. Then I looked back at the doors. I saw myself, and beyond that - what actually seemed to be past those windows - was the void. I could hear the endless silence of infinite blackness, I could feel it pulling me back.
The footsteps reached the bottom of the stairs. I saw a figure at the end of the hallway. I looked back at the doors one last time, and decided I would leave the curtains open. I placed my hand on the lightswitch.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hellooo! I'm here to leave a lil review/comment! ^^
Let me begin by saying w000w! That was well written and super spooky. Seriously, you had me looking at my blank TV warily.
The first person perspective and the imagery you used throughout the piece, like describing the reflection and the sounds, made it easy for me to imagine myself in the narrators perspective (always good for a spoopy story).
The transition between the introduction of the story to the body was nice. You lulled us into a false sense of security at the start and then you began to build tension with the sentence, "I crept down the stairs once again at some ungodly hour." The word "ungodly" leads us to think the time the narrator went down there was an evil or dangerous time, you have many instances of good word choice within this piece to set the mood.
But...there is one word choice that nagged at me a bit, in the first paragraph when you used "Lol." The rest of the piece is worded like everyday speech so that choice is a bit inconsistent and doesn't really match the rest of the mood (but it did make me chuckle so that's a win xD).
Overall, this is a really good short story! I love the cliffhanger, and I wonder if turning the light off saves the narrator? They said that they've been down there before at some late hour...so I wonder if she can't see the figure or her reflection nothing will happen and it'll be fine when the sun comes up...? Ahh, I don't know! The beauty of a cliffhanger, I get to make theories.
You're a very skilled writer, keep at it!!~
Foxmaster is heeere!
Wow, I say! I just wonder who the figure was, and about the light switch thing. Also, I like the description of the basement. It sounds very relaxing and adds a nice setting to this menacing thing happening here. I really sympathize with the main character here, because always whenever I leave the windows open at night it always freaks me out. Anyway I really enjoyed this and if you are looking for so.drying to review I suggest my work.
Foxmaster!!!
Heelllooooooo!
First, I want to say how much I love this story. As I read it I got chills! "he silence started to feel deafening." Ahhh it was amazing! The eerie description of the events that are happening in the basement that the narrator feels so comfortable in is perfection. And then the ending leaves the reader with interest and anxiety I love it.
~Ellliee
The opposing feelings of comfort and anxiety in the underground sanctuary are expertly depicted in this interesting novel. The reader is drawn into the pleasant yet enigmatic environment by the evocative descriptions, where the interaction of light and shadow arouses intrigue and suspense. By expertly generating interest, the author leaves us with a gripping cliffhanger that keeps us eagerly anticipating what happens next. It is an engaging and thought-provoking story that investigates the limits of perception and the appeal of the unknown.
Heya! Mercedes Blue here to read and review!
I really like this writing. I like how at first it starts nice and calm and I like the description of the basement as well.
I like how closing the curtains is a habit that can lead to mysterious things happening if they are left open. How you first describe the curtains being open is a nice way to transition into the scary aspect of this story.
When I’m reading more towards the scary part of this story it feels like a faint memory of a horror movie and I’m in it. You write this so well to make it feel like I’m living this!!!
I really like how the darkness in the room is described to be like a person. Very interesting!!
I LOVE the way this ends. It’s such a cliffhanger! But a really good one. Is there more to this sorry??
I really like everything leading up the end. It held my attention the whole way through and i could imagine the room that this was all happening. Very good writing!
Thank you for sharing this story for us to read! I for one really enjoyed it!
Have a wonderful day/night!
-Mercedes Blue
For some reason, the vibe of this story reminds me of a piece entitled "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg. I suggest you give it a listen. It's ominous, spooky, and absolutely unnerving like your piece. (I mean this in a good way of course!)
Let's dissect it by part.
So first, you describe the place. It's beautiful, cozy, and an overall wonderful safe space for our narrator. Obviously they love staying there.
When outside is well lit by city lights, it's probably peaceful and nice. But most of them when you leave the curtains open after night, you are faced with the dread of the unknown that can potentially burst from the thickness of night. And everyone hates that feeling.
Your next paragraph perfectly sums up the feeling at night. There's a bit of dread at the possibility of some monster popping out. but there's also a sense of peace from the silence of the night. It's just on the person's preference whether they are inclined to one or another.
Your description of the moon is also simply wonderful!
Oh no. I have a badddd feeling about this. Great description by the way even if the narrator is really clueless.
Shoot, not footsteps. And to think there's a figure causing the footsteps! What could it be? A robber? A murderer? Something else? A weird monster? Then you cut us off with an abrupt ending.
As seemingly annoying as this can be, it gives the reader freedom to choose their own ending. Is the figure actually their friend who happened to sneak into the house? Is it a creepy doppelgänger that will initiate a life or death staring contest with them? Is it actually just their cat???
Overall, this was well written and it had me at the edge of my seat despite its brevity. Great job!
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
And then it ENDS?? WHAT??? I love the description in here. At least for me, it paints very vivid images of that basement because everything described is similar to things I have seen or felt before. I imagine most people would feel this way - the warm lights, the "black mirrors" windows make when it's dark outside, the still quiet of early morning hours, even thinking spooky crazy thoughts in the middle of the night.
My only suggestion would be to watch your consistency. You used a lot of sophisticated description, so "lol" feels rather out of place sitting there in a sentence. Little things like that.
So what HAPPENS? Presumably, the character turns off the light, right? But who is the other person??