Published June 14, 2011
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Thank you so much for your reviews!
means you can't be finished smiling. If anyone has any suggestions on what to reword/change it to I would really appreciate it.This line:
Hello cupcake,
This is really nice and bubbly, it is full of energy and makes everyone happy. I like the simplicity of it because it is just a nice short rhyming poem that everyone can relate to without being confused or baffled. Personally I liked this!
I have to agree with the others the line "you can never be done" does sound slightly unusual and I am curious to what you meant by this it stands out I think you might need to reword it or change it completely, sorry it just doesn't seem right. Apart from that though this was excellent.
Just read the spoiler ( I know silly me!) So the topic was 'a joke'. I get how smiling stems off that but I still think you need to include a little bit about laughing because it seems like that was mistakenly left out. Other than that though I think it was inventive to use!
Overall this was good. Keep up the really amazing writing, you are certainly a natural rhymer so pursue it and keep on writing poetry!
From CuteJackRussell
I agree with theCodex about the "you can never be done" sounding a bit awkward, so you might want to consider changing that one - but other than that, I thought this was really cute! It's just a bubbly, sweet poem that makes you smile and improves your day!
Keep writing!
Ofir
Simplicity is obvious in this poem- I like it. Just a little more bare bones than what I usually like, but you've done this cute subject matter justice.
Should be "When you're happy, smile" Also, the "You can never be done" part sounds a little awkward to me.
Otherwise, kudos.
i liked your poem. it was bubbly and cute!! keep going!
I like the simplicity of this poem! it's cute and bubbly and just fun! it gives you a break of all the complicated, confusing, deep, dramatic, sad, depressing, cliche, and angry poems on this site. Cleaver rhyming and uplifting message! Great Job! Have a happy day to you too!
Love,
LittleLionWoman