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I agree that you should exaggerate a little more. Think about creative ways you can put the properties of a paperclip to make it seem grand, or use the paperclip as a metaphor/basis for a message about something more exciting. But, you have a cute poem so far. Good job!
Thank you so much for your review!!! It is very helpful and I really appreciate it.
I'll try adding more as soon as I can think of something good enough. Thanks again!
Hi cupcake!
You're right, this is quite short. I have seen the what the contest is about, I'd suggest that you put in things about how magnificent and extraordinary it is. My main suggestion for you is to exaggerate it. That's what the contest seems to be all about. Exaggerate it, make a paper clip into something great. Like one of those poems, where is talks about magnificent things, but with hints that it's something else and that something else is revealed in the end. Like this. Yes, I know that's a story, but that's the idea that I'm getting to. I've written a short summary of it if you don't want to read it. But I think that you will get a better idea of it if you skim it quickly or something to that effect, although, of course, you don't have to. In the beginning, we get the idea that it's all about this beautiful girl. But it's revealed at the end that it's not, but rather something very different. That's what I'd try and do if I were writing the poem.
You have a very good description of a paper clip right now, making it something more magnificent than it actually is. Another advice I have for you would be, not to mention the obvious, or if you do, say it in a way that no one will have thought of before, that way it won't be boring, flat and "well duh!". Not that I'm saying your poem are like that, but that's just what would happen if you mentioned the obvious. I can see that you mentioned the more subtle things in the beginning of the second stanza, but I don't think that the poem would hurt if you put more of those in. Have a good hard think about the paper clip and see what you can come up with that no one would've thought of before.
Another thing I'd suggest you to include is probably imageries and metaphors, I find that they always give the poem more depth and meaning. A thing to watch out for if you do decide to include it in is to watch out for cliche. Although I don't think that that will be too much of a problem since not much people would've written about a paper clips before. But I'd still suggest you to be mindful of them.
At the moment, I think that you have a good poem, if not on the short side a bit. I don't have any critiques as to what you've actually written, it seemed pretty good to me. But I think that you can definitely add more to it. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!