Jelly Beans

I love how you made a cute poem
by just reading the flavors of jelly beans
It shows that poems don't always have to be dramatic
this is a lovely poem

Thanks for the help guys! They are really helpful. And lilymoore, thanks for the dancing/jogging jelly beans. I love them.

Hey there, cupcake! Jelly beans and cupcakes all at once and I'm going to have to see the dentist soon.


I like what you’ve definitely tried to do here. You’re taking something as random as a bag of jelly beans and you’ve tried to put a poetic twist on it. But I also think that there is a lot more you could do with it. Use what you have now as framework. Expand a little and use creative imagery like “popping a root beer bean between my teeth” and “pinching chocolate pudding.” Things like that, which may sound ridiculous can also turn into something more poetic. You can have the best idea for a poem in the world (like this really great idea that you have here) but if you don’t put it into effect the right way, you lose that greatitude. [I know that’s not a real word. Bear with me.] >.<

I also like what you tried to do with the endings, how they’re similar but in some cases it seems a little forced, especially with:

Cantaloupe (melon),
Sizzling cinnamon,
Watermelon.

Spoiler

Dancing, jogging, they’re definitely doing something.

This poem is positively delicious! I really like the idea here, cause it's something not a lot of people have done (at least I haven't read many of them). I can sense the jolity and frivolity of the narrator as they rattle off the names of all the jelly beans. It's like a tasty rainbow!

The one thing I would recommend is maybe adding some detail about the shop, the way they're packaged, what it's like to eat them, etc. Just something to think about.

All and all, this is a very fun poem, and I hope you continue to write more like it! If you ever need another review or just an idea or kind word, you're more than welcome to drop me a line.
- SOCKS

Thanks for the comments! I really appreciate them.
tinkembell, good idea. I think I can see where you're coming from.
Thanks again guys!

This poem made me want jelly beans. Thanks. ;P

I really don't know what to say, other than that I enjoyed this. It seems kind of drablle-esque, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially since I enjoyed it.

Hi cupcake.

You have a (literally and metaphorically) sweet poem. It's like a rainbow, with all the flavours you threw out there. Your poem flowed naturally. Your structuring and grammatically (as far as I can see) is immaculate and perfect. I can't see any flaw in it, as it's a bit short on words, not stanzas. The poem wasn't short, but there weren't enough words in it. Not that that's a problem, it just meant that I couldn't comment on it as much.
So yes, you have a very nice poem there. Keep it up!

Hi Power Ranger! Here to bamboozle you ^_^

First off, I really loved this poem, it was sweet and tasted yummy - no, I did
NOT try to eat the computer - it made me hungry too. I could just imagine all these different jellybeans as I was Reading it. I wanted one

I also think the way you set it out was interesting, it was simple yet quirky, and it it meant that every line brang a mouth watering rainbow, and that it didn't stray from the topic.

However, there's always going to be a critique-y part
I thought that the first stanza was perfect, it flowed brilliantly, and had
rythym.

Buttered popcorn,

Strawberry cheesecake,

And caramel corn.
But then after that you kind of faltered a bit:

Pink grapefruit,
Toasted marshmellow,
Passion fruit.

Although the syllables go 3 5 3 and there's nothing wrong with that, when you read it out loud, the last line seems lacking, even just comparing the amount of syllables in this stanza to the first, it seems strange, maybe like this?

Pink grapefruit,
toasted marshmallow,
__________ passion fruit.

So, you add a word where the line is, maybe an adjective like sharp/sweet/squishy
or a word like and/plus/also, anything to even it up a bit.

So, I think it would be brilliant if you read your poem aloud, and looked at syllables, then I would be perfect xD

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem