A Kiwi summer

by cupcake

Published January 20, 2011

I wasn't sure on the puncuation of this poem, so any suggestions would be great. I hope it's still okay. :)

Pohutakawa trees
On flowers there are bees
The barbie is turned on
Cold winter days are gone

There's no shool for weeks and
there's sunburn on our cheeks
Some play rugby all day and
the kids go out to play

On the table's Christmas ham
and there aren't many lambs
in the paddoks that are close
Christmas cards are in the post

Maybe swim in the sea
a few friendsaround me
We yell "Waz up bro"
and to the beach we will go

Sitting in the sun with family having fun
Kiwi summers are great
hanging out with our mates

US KIWIS HAVE LOTS OF FUN!!!

Comments & reviews · 3
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Prats
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Prats commented Comment · Mar 9, 2011

It's a cute poem. It made me feel good because I like happy poems. Keep up the good work. :)

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Tommybear
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Tommybear commented Comment · Jan 20, 2011

This is a very good poem :D keep it up!

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Nutty
Review
Nutty wrote a review Review · Jan 20, 2011

Well. I don't critique poetry, or read it, or anything, so I won't be much help- but this made me smile. Possibly because I'm a kiwi too. XD
The only thing I can say about the poem itself, is I am not sure about the rhythm, between each paragraph (stanza? I swear, I know NOTHING of poetry) it seems to take a new rhythm which makes it a little awkward to read. Try reading it out loud, you may see what I mean.

Other than that, I agree. Kiwis do know how to have fun. (even though I spent the whole day inside stuffing my face ;D )



Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
— Groucho Marx