Published December 17, 2012
She ran through the trees, pushing to go faster, run harder than she ever had. Her breathing was painfull and all but non existant. Rough barks scraped her knuckles, and brambles stuck in her legs. The small gnats of the forest smashed on her skin. She felt so sick. She had to keep going. Had to push on. It was the only thing she could do. Keep going. Keep running on and on. An unwelcome thought slowly crept into her mind. Starting in the back of her brain it slowly oozed forward, overcoming all of her thought waves.
What if she had chosen the wrong way? There were 2 paths, each sooo different. There was no way to know which one to take. One was totally right, taking her to her destination, and the other utterly wrong. In everyway.
She stumbled. Oh God. What if she was wrong?
Oh God.
Her head over flowed with worry. What was the chance that she had the right path? Fifty fifty. She knew that. Only some how, it didn't seem that way. The wrong choice always seemed to have the better chance.
Stones crunched under heer feet, and she slowed. She shook away the darkness from her thoughts, and surveyed her surroundings. She stopped.
There was a large plain building,with a group of peple standing outside. Two stood away from the rest. One was victum,the other exicutioner.
Oh God. It was her. She was here, standing and watching her friend prepare to die. She was in time, she could stop it.
But the scene in front of her was 200 feet below her.
Damn. Why was she always so wrong?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
This was a very good story. It left me wanting more. There were a couple errors, though. "Her breathing was PAINFUL and all but NON-EXISTENT." Two spelling errors in that sentence. I love the next part, about pushing and keep going. It makes me wonder why. Also, the last sentence of the first paragraph was spooky and I really liked it. I kept repeating it in my head because I liked it so much.
When you put "sooo," it reminded me of an immature girl. If you want to express great difference, instead of "sooo," you can put "extremely" or "immensely."
"Overflowed" is one word.
You wrote "heer" instead of "her." Also, "victim" instead of "victum."
The last sentence was really good. It was a great conclusion to this awesome story!
I would like to open with that I really loved this story. I loved the descriptions, and the word choices you used to describe every thing. I feel as if I'm actually there, and with this type of story, in my opinion at least, that is one of the most important things. There are spelling errors, but those are inevitable. One thing that I would change, though, is the "2" instead of to, but that's only my opinion. However, I agree with Lycando in that the ending was rushed. Overall really good (maybe expand a little on the details?), keep writing!
The title was great i.e. short and captivating to the reader however I find that the content has too much subjects and it really gets hard to outwardly I identify the wrong choices taken by the character. I don't find them all that straight really which I guess should be the case.
Hello there it's Lycando here to review!
This story has great potential, the starting captured my attention, like a wild chase through the woods.
There are quite a few spelling errors here. The corrections are in ( ).
"Stones crunched under (her) feet, and she slowed. She shook away the darkness from her thoughts, and surveyed her surroundings. She stopped.
There was a large plain building,with a group of (people) standing outside. Two stood away from the rest. One was (victim),the other (executioner)."
It's always a good idea to spell check before submitting a work, if you're using MS Word or another word processing program, they have the spell check function.
Other than that, the ending was a little too rushed. Describe her friend. If she was being executed, how was her facial expression? Was she already hurt before? Was she tied to a pole or kneeling on the ground? Details like these help to let the reader see the picture much more clearer.
Hope my review was helpful!