He placed a single rose in my hand. I clenched it too tight, causing the thorns to cut into my hand. I was bleeding slightly now, but I didn’t care. He was there, talking to me, looking me in the face for the first time in two weeks. His lips were less then a foot away from mine; it’s been a while since the last time they met. They started inching closer and closer and closer until they couldn’t have been more than two inches apart. I could feel the heat of his body, the warmth of his breath. But then he muttered something, ruining the moment. He didn’t want to kiss me. He would of already if he wanted to.
“I gotta go.” He retreated. I wondered if he saw how my face fell, full of disappointment and hurt. I clutched the rose tighter. He started walking towards the car on my driveway, the car he had driven me home in.
“Don’t go.” I whispered. “I love you.” But it was too late. He’d already started his car and it was backing out the driveway, retreating again like he had before.
I watched the car until it wasn’t visible anymore, listened to the hum of its engine until it wasn't audible anymore, while twiddling the rose in my cut hands. As I fumbled for the keys in my purse, I spied a manila envelope on the ground so I picked it up. My name was written on it with sloppy slanted letters, his handwriting. I tore the envelope slowly, trying to make as little of it rip as possible. There was a letter inside written on a matching manila coloured sheet of paper.
Alice,
I can’t be with you anymore. You don’t deserve someone like me. I’ve cheated on you. There’s a reason for a single rose. I’m like this rose. I have thorns on my stem, thorns to hurt you. I know you’re probably bleeding now, you always tend to hold onto things too tight, like the time we were holding hands and I screamed suddenly because of how hard you were grasping. I can’t look at you anymore without feeling guilty. You’ll find someone better than me. Alice, I love you, but I don’t want to be the one to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I hope you understand why I’m ending this; it’s to end the guilt I feel when I see your face.
Tears trickled down my cheeks, smearing my mascara. But I love you. You’re hurting me more by going away. I let go of the rose, dropping it on the ground, but picking it up quickly after I realized it was his last gift. Sitting on the sofa, I took my phone out of my purse and dialed the numbers I knew by heart. The phone rang several time until finally, his familiar voice came on “Hey, this is Steven, I’m really sorry I can’t reach my phone right now. Please leave a message.”
“Thorns hurt more when they have to be removed,” I said gently then whispered the familiar words, “I love you.”
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140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
This was beautiful in all honesty. You made me think that I could put a whole new depth into my pieces, I thank you for that. It was a little long but it was good. Keep it up I look forward to reading More of your pieces.
Hello,
Okay, firstly, I love the idea behind this. However, it may work a little bit better if you don't have the revelation in a big letter form...maybe have her already know what's happened, and still love him, and this be their parting. Adding a bit of bittersweet mystery could definitely help amp the romance. The single rose metaphor definitely works, but maybe try not to make it as obvious. Remember, sometimes thinks are better the less you see them.
Redundant.
The underlined is not needed.
There should be a comma after "Sloppy," and a semicolon after "Letters."
Very improper grammar here. The bolded should be a start of a new sentence, excluding the "So."
Overall:
I see what you are trying to do with this small piece here, but sadly, it isn't working much for me. The girl keeps going on and on about how she loved her boyfriend, but that's it. She doesn't describe why she loved him, or anything of that sort. You're not giving the readers much details here.
Hey sara here
This was a little repetitive for me at some times and in the beginning paragraph you were viewing the scene in first person then in third person... also how you repeated a few things as a description of something. I like how at the end on the letter Steven told her how she held onto things tightly but to make it better you should have said something like why she did that. Maybe she did it when she was nervous or sad or something like that. More description was needed but overall i like your idea. What happens after her massage on his phone?
let me know
I love it, the use of symbolism with the rose was amazing! The best bit was the ending. Well done!
It was so good. I really liked the tittle. The first line of the story was my favorite.
Great beginning to a story!!! Overall it had great detail, and a grasping entrance for the reader! The rose thing definitely made since to me and it was very clever and original! Please PM me when you have more to read!
Thank
-Sparkle8744
Hey crescent, KD here to review.
To make it more dramatic, I would say: 'I clenched it too tightly. The thorns cut into my hand.'Again, I think it would sound better like this: 'As I fumbled for the keys in my purse, I spied a manila envelope on the ground. I picked it up.'
Should be 'tightly'. Period after 'on'.
I really like the rose idea! I liked the way you ended the piece. Overall, you did a really good job.
*likes*
~KD
Thank you
I'm glad you guys liked it and thank you for the reviews. I'll think of adding more description to the characters.
Hey,
I loved how you started this story and how it ended. The use of symbolism was magnifisent! The rose fit perfectly with the story's meaning. I admire writers that use symbolism in their work. Good job!
Hey Crescent, WOW first off this was really sad and sweet , I liked it a lot and was very unexpected. It was something new. Anyways as love stories goes, yours was well written. Sadly I wished there have been some descriptions of your characters- this is just my opinion. Keep writing and Thanks for the read.
Hello crescent!
I love this line.I liked your story. It was short but sweet. For me, the rose actually made sense in the story. It was nice how you symbolizes the rose and the thorns between the love of Alice and Steven.
Keep writing!
Peace out!