*This poem is based off a Christmas tale I wrote, which is in my folder “25 Christmas tales!”. This poem is under my folder “Zechariah, snowflake spider”. Gacha Club character designs are under my character design forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=960 . Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
One Christmas Eve
Before the dawn of electricity
There was love from the laughter of children
From the songs of a choir
And the hugs of family
Farther in the woods, near a bent, dying tree
A claw crawled out of the snow
From there came a spider creature
Slightly human, more spider
He weaved webs of ice
He let them grow throughout the branches
All thought that it was nice!
He did it every Christmas
For he never wanted to cease the joy
Yet in his heart of hearts he felt quite lonely
That poor boy
He calls himself “Zechariah”
He makes snowflake webs
He brings wonderment to all
But where’s the love for him?
Why does Christmas have to be so grim?
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, Creeper! Okay, I've been meaning to review this one for a while now, so let's give it the review it deserves!
To start, OMG, I love this concept so much! The idea that snowflakes can be spun by spiders, or webs spun in the shape of them, is just too precious in a delightfully creepy way—you just gotta love it! The poetry format makes it feel like a little legend you would hear around Christmas time, sitting by the fireplace with a mug of cocoa in hand, and there's something charming about that...
*ahem* For technicalities, I've nothing to recommend, so let's chat favorite lines and parts instead!
I kinda like that you clarified a timeframe in the beginning—not only does it add to that "old Christmas folktale" vibe, but it makes Zechariah seem like more like this ancient, eldritch being. Not in a horrific Lovecraftian way lol, but in the same way you would think of faefolk or elves ~
Aw
I kinda like how this poem ends, grim as it is. It feels like it's a subtle reminder to just be more aware and more kind, if not in general, then for the holidays. It's a time of peace and giving, after all ^^
Anyway, overall, that was lovely! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
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Thank you!
(I tried sending emojis and it would not work lol)
Hi! Great work! firstly, I like the way you describe and format your story, almost like old folklore, like something that your grandpa would tell you because his grandpa told him. stories that were spread only verbally always have a certain format, and this really reminds me of those! I do feel bad for Zechariah, and I hope he gets a friend. I have no constructive criticism for you, so good work on that! all in all, great work, keep writing!
^v^