Her husband's walk had taken on a horribly familiar stride. He wasn't simply strolling towards her; he was a predator, creeping towards its helpless prey.
She glanced hesitantly at the patch of open skin showing at his neckline. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. Tingles of fear ran up and down her spine, perspiration instantly dampening her skin. Her fists were clenched, sweat running down her arms in rivulets.
Regarding the rounded curve of his chin, the ruddiness of his skin, the overly moist fullness of his lips, her stomach muscles shuddered. A wave of nausea rippled through her body. The fact that she had been in this situation before and emerged relatively unharmed was powerless against her fear.
Her obvious discomfort did nothing to stop her husband. He was close enough to touch her now, the musky scent of his sweat surrounding him. He reached out with insensitive arms; she squeezed her eyes shut, aware of impending pain.
But she wasn't the only creature in the barn besides the man.
Just as the man's hands were about to close over her shoulders, a bristling mass of fur and teeth hurled out of the corner and bowled him over. Standing over the cowering man, saliva dripped from the wolf's fangs as it roared furiously. The woman had rescued the wolf; now the wolf would rescue the woman.
"No!" the woman screeched. "No! Don't kill him! Stop!"
The wolf immediately halted, turning its head to stare incredulously at the woman. Its eyes glimmered icily, obviously confused by the woman's plea.
The man wasted no time. He skittered out from beneath the wolf, his hands clutching at his belt. His fingers closed around the hilt of his knife; he found his feet as the wolf slunk to the woman's side, the hair along its back standing on end.
"I'll kill you," the man snarled, running towards the wolf. The wolf trembled with rage but didn't move towards the man. But this time, the woman was not so submissive. She ripped her own dagger from her belt and leapt in front of the wolf.
"Don't you dare touch him," she shrieked. The man stopped; there was no mistaking the woman's demand for a bluff.
"What do you mean, don't touch him? He tried to slash my neck open! He could've killed me!" The man failed to disguise the uncertainty in his voice. "Who are you to tell me what to do, woman?"
"If you touch him, I will kill you," she responded quickly. "Do not test me."
"You are crossing the line!" A foamy drop of the wolf's saliva was dripping down his cheekbone.
"I am doing nothing of the sort." Her tone was unapologetic. "The wolf was protecting me from you, and I do not begrudge him for it. He did what I should've done for years. I'm going to take it one step further."
The man glanced at the dagger clutched in the woman's hand. "And how do you plan to do that?"
"I am no longer your wife. Our marriage is over. I will take the penalty if it means being able to get away from you." Her voice had quieted slightly. The man's jaw slackened, disbelief clearly painted over his face. Next to the woman, the wolf lowered its head, its sweltering eyes burning holes in the man's chest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Surrounded by a small group of villagers, their eyes cold, the woman stood proudly with her arms fastened to wooden poles. A roaring fire and a man in a leather apron stood on one side of her, a man with pungently white hair on the other. The snowy-haired man declared:
"This woman, by her own free will, has declared herself separated from her marriage partner. By doing so, she has agreed to accept the penalty for her actions. From this day on, she will be known among our people as a pariah. Brander, execute the sentence."
The man in the leather apron grunted, donning heavy gloves and turning to the fire. He swung a piece of glowing metal out of the blaze. The woman's jaw clenched. She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, waiting. As the brander pressed the metal into the woman's arm, the merging of flesh and iron emitted a sickening hiss. The woman supressed a strangled yowl. The crowd looked on, making no move to stop the punishment.
After all, she had divorced her husband.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later that evening, the woman stood on the outskirts of town and looked back at the small cluster of buildings. She'd shopped at the market there, visited friends there, even married there. Yet no one in the town had moved to help her or support her when she left her abusive husband.
A soft whine drew her attention. The wolf nudged its cool nose into her palm.
The woman stared down at her companion, her eyes meeting his. Her right arm stung terribly. She gingerly raised her sleeve, wincing as the cool air met her newly imprinted skin. She would never be rid of the indelible scar, the burnt emblem that meant she was a disloyal, weak outsider.
Eyeing the town again, she suddenly felt a savage urge rising in her gut. There was no point in resisting; no one was there to listen. Raising her chin, she closed her eyes and howled like a deranged animal, anger and pain wailing out of her lungs. The wolf joined in after a moment, and together they stood screaming wordless obscenities at the pale evening sky.
As the first stars appeared, woman and wolf vanished into the blanketing darkness of the forest.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
I love the writing style used here. The story was so captivating and unique. I love how the woman stood up for the wolf and defended herself as well.
The ending also makes me wonder what would happen next; is the wolf a werewolf? Is she? Are they in love? Was her previous marriage arranged? What would have happened if she stayed? Will the others search for her? I could go on, but I don't want to bore you.
Over all, I really enjoyed this piece of writing.
I can't wait to hear the rest of the story!
w&w
Hi, i'm here to review
The first think i must say is i Love wolves!! And it's cool how the wolf protected the women, I really just wanted the women to kill the man when he threatend to kill the wolf.
In the line" the rough ruddiness of his skin" You should just use one of the words
" the roughness of his skin"
or
" The ruddiness of his skin"
Just not both.
And another sentence you added and extra word that made it sound clammy it's self." Her fists were clenched, clammy sweat running down her arms in rivulets." Clammy sounds a little weird in the sentence because it's really used to describe how skin feels not sweat.
"She would never be able to get rid of the seared mark" Also sound weird in the sentence. I also automatically think that she's been burned instead of whipped.
Other than those small things i really like your story. I could hear the voice in it and feel her fury at being banished, though i think it's personally wrong that she got banished and not her husband since he's abusive. I don't understand why she would marry him, I mean did she know him before, why was he abusive to her and the wolf. Why does he protect her? Oh and why didn't she just kill the man.
how could the wolf talk to her to, is she like a werewolf or something?
Questions, Questions....
Hello, this is my first review so bear with me!
I really liked your opening lines because they instantly grabbed my attention and made me interested in your story.
"the rough ruddiness of his skin"
This description would sound better if you either got rid of the "rough" or the "ruddiness". Personally, I like "ruddiness" as a descriptive word, but if you wanted to use "rough" you could write something like "the roughness of his skin".
"Her fists were clenched, clammy sweat running down her arms in rivulets."
The word "clammy" here sounds a little weird in the sentence. I'm not sure if sweat can actually be clammy. Usually "clammy" is used to describe how skin feels.
"She would never be able to get rid of the seared mark"
"Seared" also sounds a little odd here. When I see "seared" I automatically think of the verb instead of a descriptive word. Maybe try something like "she would never be able to get rid of the mark that was seared into her skin".
The things I wrote above are mainly just nitpicks. Overall, I really liked this prologue. You give the reader just enough information to set up the story. I'm curious as to how you're going to play out the whole wolf element. I was a little confused as to whether the woman could read the wolf's thoughts or not, but I'm sure all will be explained in later chapters.
Good job and keep writing!
Wellabella
This was really great! I can't wait to read more. This was my favorite part:
"Eyeing the town again, she suddenly felt a savage urge rising in her gut. There was no point in resisting; no one was there to listen. Raising her chin, she closed her eyes and howled like a deranged animal, anger and pain wailing out of her lungs. The wolf joined in after a moment, and together they stood screaming wordless obscenities at the pale evening sky."
Really well written -- all of it!
Howdy, I'm Rubric and I'll be doing a run down of your piece.
My overall impression is that I like this as backstory: it explains how the woman becomes a wanderer, gives a brief introduction to her relationship with the wolf, and gives a sampling of characterisation for them both. I think the punishment scene is a little handed,and I'll deal with that more specifically later. But yes, overall a nice piece of work.
"horribly familiar tinge"
"tinge" reads strangely, a if it should be a tinge of something: an adjective rather than a noun. A quick remix would be "a tinge of something horribly familiar", but I'm sure you know what you want.
"overly moist fulness of his lips"
I think "overly" is kind of redundant here. Also, it should be "fullness"
"nausea shimmered through her body"
"shimmer" is an odd pick. Consider how you might otherwise use it descriptively: a mirage, the evanescence of a fading firework etc etc etc. Does this match what you're describing?
"Even the man stopped"
How does "even" operate in this sentence? If there were a group, and he the least likely to be stopped and he is stopped, then it reads well. Problem is, there's just him, so no comparison is drawn.
"demand for a bluff"
"sincerity" could be (as a matter of personal taste) more elegant. What you've got is fine though.
"He failed to disguise"
in the direct speech immediately preceding this phrase "he" refers to the wolf, whereas it now refers to the man. It might be an appropriate spot to refer to him as "the man" "her husband" or even consider naming him.
"You deserve to die for your impudence"
"Deserve" and "impudence" make me wonder at this guy's characterisation. If he's a character who feels self-entitled and powerful, he probably wouldn't bother with "deserve": you cross him, you die. If it's a hierarchical entitlement, a matter of rank and privilege, then "impudence" sounds a little rich, whereas "disloyalty" "betrayal" or such might carry the idea of rules and transgression more clearly. What you've got is fine, but clarifying it for the discerning reader wouldn't hurt.
"Foolish woman. She should've let me kill him."
You need to distinguish internal monologue from ThoughtSpeech; you shouldn't italicise both. If this is directed at the woman "She" should be replaced with "You", if it's not then you need to decide what kind of narration you're running. Hopping between internal narratives will confuse a reader. Also consider how a wolf might think and express itself. Is "woman" a human concept, or a universal one? Would a wolf identify her as a woman, a female, a she-wolf? It's a bit complex, but that's the story you've chosen to write. Robin Hobb explores this in great depth in her Royal Assassin, and Fool's Fate Trilogies.
"the clashing of flesh and iron"
Flesh does not clash with burning iron: it melts.
"the woman surpressed a strangled yowl"
Your narration is shifting a little here, which is fine. The last few lines have been a fly on the wall, but this takes it into the territory of understanding what she's trying to do rather than a purely descriptive point of "seemed to suppress a strangled cry" or something similar. Extra "r' in supressed.
"She was a stupid woman."
Your point has been made: patriarchy sucks. You don't need this line, it's like hitting the reader in the face with the conclusion you think they should draw.
"even gotten married there"
"gotten" is a dodgy word, and in this case you don't even need an alternative. "even married there" reads fine.
"help her or support her"
"help or support her"
"unfaithful, an outsider, weak."
I appreciate your choice here, but these three things seem to be distinct characteristics or accusations. I understand the perception (in the villagers' eyes) that weakness led to her unfaithfulness which led to her being exiled, and maybe that progression should be clearer in this summary. Something like "had been weak, unfaithful, and exiled for it." Up to you though, it's a bit of a nitpick.
Feel free to PM me if you need clarification on what I'm trying to say, or if you want to dispute my opinion. If you did like my critique, feel free to let me know. I'd be happy to look over any other irons you have in the fire.