Published June 17, 2011
Sometimes I feel invisible yet I am standing in the middle of the crowd
I can speak but I don't have a voice
I can sleep but I don't have dreams
I can taste but everything tastes bland
I can see but only in black, white, and gray
But when I write, I write life
I write in colors
It shouts and can be heard a mile away
It speaks yet it has no mouth
It dreams of glamor and also wickedness
It is so great, music comes out of it
It can inspire and create envy in others.
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139,418 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
I like it but this part kinda confused me with the second I...I can speak but I don't have a voice
I can sleep but I don't have dreams...I think it would sound a little clearer like this I can speak but don't have a voice
I can sleep but don't have dreams...but that's only my opinion sorry if it sounds kinda mean.
That was an amazing poem. And well written. Keep writeing!
I like it. I agree that this is very well writtten and it's nice the way it is. But I really don't like the "create envy" part. I guess you do say "write life" earlier and that is a part of life, but when I first read it, your examples sounded like reasons why you write. And to create envy didn't sound like a very nice reason to write. So I don't like how it ends on that note.
Maybe it's just me. Even if you don't change that, it is a good poem. Nicely done.
Hi,
Personally, to make this even more fantastic, you should have kept going!! You should not have just cut it off there. It feels like a surprise ending. Kind of like someone give you a plateful of your favorite food, let's say spaghetti, and after you get halfway, they take it away! You expected to get the rest of the spaghetti but they suddenly took it away. Don't take away from the reader. Otherwise, this is just phenomenal. It relates well to most readers. Good job!
Farewell,
A.
You should probably break the first line into to lines for better flow of the piece and maybe instean of black, white, and gray you could put monotones, or monochromatic. I'm not sure which one. You'll have to look it up. Nice piece. You could also seperate the line that says but when I write, I write life into two lines. Just my opinion. You don't have to though, it's still good the way it is.
Really great poem... the words and imagery used was amazing. I think it can relate to a lot of people who often feel different and misplaced. extremely well written.