Published December 14, 2011
They say nothing’s going on. They’re “just friends”. She has a boyfriend and he’s too busy with his girlfriends to settle for just one. They say that day will never come. But I think they’re wrong.
Supposedly, Alex and Hailey have known each other since middle school. They’ve always been real close. Like siblings. But brothers don’t look at their sisters the way Alex looks at her. I can tell he really likes her more than he’s allowing anyone to know. But that’s just his thing. He wears a mask. Just like I wear mine.
They walk in the halls close together, using closet voices only meant for their ears. Sometimes I wonder if they’re secretly whispering their undying love for each other. Hailey saying how she wishes she could ditch her bf. Alex reciting words recycled from last night’s date. Me watching by my locker wishing I had one of those invisible spy ear pieces, crashing in on their covert conversations.
She hugs him. Not with her arms linking around his neck or his arms snaking around her waist. The share big bear hugs. Her arms squeezed his waist with her cheek pressed against his chest, eyes opened. His arms wrapped around her shoulders with his chin resting on the top of her head, eyes on the floor. It’s like they’re squeezing the love out of each other so that their hearts quietly absorb it. Their way of expressing their feelings without it being obvious to the inquiring eyes in the halls because it’s so innocent. Their way of saying “You belong to me.”
They say they’re “just friends”. That they would never be anything more because neither of them feel that strongly about one another. I think they’re lying. I can see through the “just friends” act. “Just friends” wouldn’t make me feel as though I’m losing the one guy I’ve ever really liked. But I’d never let those words spill from my lips. Because being “just enemies” is just another mask to hide “just love.”
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
I liked this. It reminded me of a lot of 'Just friends' kids in my school, maybe even me and my friend.
I think you should make this a bit longer. Like write other things they might do that you would think suspicious of them to do as 'just friends'. Ya' know? Like, the way they talk to each other or if you ever catch them looking at one of them in class or something like that. Well, that's all I have to say so keep writing and Ihope to read more of your work.
This was pretty cool. Short and Sweet
I love it! I think there are a few things you could do to improve it though. One idea is like someone else said. I think you should tell us more about your narrator and why is she spying on them. Maybe she is jealous ; wishes she had a secret lover/best friend. Another thing you say "just friends" ALOT in just a few paragraphs. I knows it is to go with the whole theme of the story, but I don't think you need to say it that much.
Where did enemies come in? I thought they were friends. Ok that is all I have. Good luck on the reset of the novel. -Alyson
i liked this piece.......i thought it was really good. i want a sequel..
I really enjoyed this piece of work. I wanted to know more about the narrator, and why she likes the boy and what her view on the girl is, but not in this little snippet of the story. I'd be interested to read more about these characters.
I don't have any improvement suggestions to add to what people have already said...
I really liked it! Your story showed two sides to love. The sweet simple love that 's more like a freindship, but evolves into something stronger and deeper than any other form of love. You also show the more sad side of love where you hate them and you love them and you hate that you love them.
This is just my opinion i may have gotten a different message than intended.
This is a great writing piece. I loved how you described the secret love between them. It almost reminded me of a remake of Romeo and Juliet. How they love each other, but can't let it be shown. Personally, I love the emphasis you give to her thoughts.
I love this line. It gives an ominous insight into the narrator.
Love it! Great job.
Heya! insanity here to give you a review
I'd like to start off by saying that the idea wasn't exactly something... new. It's been used, quite a bit. When writing on such an overused topic, you've got to throw something in there to give it a little pizzaz! it's got to have something that they other stories don't. Throw in a crazy twist, or add something special just to make your piece independent from the others. I'd also like to mention that you could use a little further description and emotion in the piece. It lacks feeling and didn't really catch my attention enough for me to want a 'sequel' if you will. Spice it up and keep writing!
Hello. This work sounds pretty interesting. There are a few things, though, that could be improved.
For some reason the sentence about masks, at the end of paragraph 2, sounds misplaced and not synchronized with the voice of the protagonist. Second critique is that paragraph 4 sounds very fragmented. While the sentence length is identical to the preceding paragraphs the action and description do not seem to flow but rather they read as chunks.
I liked the description and the way their relationship is described overall. Some sentences seem to be more effective than others but overall the consistency is good. It would be interesting to read another segment of this work.
Keep writing and good luck.
Hi
So, I like this quite a lot. It's coherent, doesn't jump around through different ideas erratically. It's also kind of fun; you want to find out whether Alex and Hailey really are what they claim to be. It's written well, and I only found a few nitpicks.
Here's an example of where two sentences should really only be one. You've done this quite a lot throughout the piece, and I know it's for emphasis, but it can become quite distracting to people who know that it's incorrect, so maybe think about reducing how much you do it? Another instance is where you say "They’ve always been real close. Like siblings."
Should be "They", not "The"
I'm not really sure if you can say 'bf' in a serious piece of writing. If you want to keep it that way, I'd say capitalise it, or rather just leave it as 'boyfriend'.
Should be "secretly whispering about their undying love for each other"
Love that
This is a great line, but I think that just in the middle there messes with the just's in the quotation marks. Maybe think about replacing it with a synonym like merely or simply?
Think that's it. And just so you know, I would very much like to know what this world is like
Chelsea