Asleep at once

Nails piercing my brain

Glass shattering around me

Metal crunching, smashing together

Crying all around me

Screeching, Screaming

Howling, Wailing, Weeping

It seems like a hundred years have passed

Just when you are about to blow a gasket

The baby falls asleep

We shut off the phone

Take off our shoes

We talk in sign language

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Trident
Comment

This member has already been banned for plagiarism.

User avatar
BFG
Review
BFG wrote a review · Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:59 am

Yeah, read lots of poetry... but don't copy it. I'm pretty sure I've read this before. It's fine to imitate poetic styles, but it's just plain sick when someone wants to pass off someone else's work for their own. Why?

Travis Wilkins-Smith wrote this when he was 12 years old; it was originally entitled "Asleep At Last" and was published in Stone Soup, March/April 2003.

User avatar
gyrfalcon
Review

What Claudette said, read LOTS of poetry. This just seemed kind of pointless, and way too violent. I mean, violence is okay when used in moderation and with a point. I have no idea what you're trying to say here, it just sounds like you're trying to be shocking and it's coming off rather badly.

User avatar
Emerson
Review

First off, go read this, Poetry & Punctuation.

I assume this is poetry, right? Though its in the "Other" section?

It doesn't really make much sense. Until the end, then it gets weird with "We talk in sign language."

Yeah, if you are a beginner poet, my suggestion is for you to read poetry. Read lot of poetry. Lots, and lots, and lots.



No person can be a great leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those under him.
— W. A. Nance