Published October 23, 2011
Sometimes life is always hard,
can't play the right card.
Love gets lost and never found,
sometimes keeps you forever bound.
There's a reason,
behind every season.
So live it up no matter what,
'cause I'd rather have you than not.
What do you think?
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140,511 Literary Works • 673,270 Reviews
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
This is a great poem! It flows really nicely and has a great rhythmic beat to it, which is exactly what you want with lyrical poetry. I can't think of too many changes that I would suggest you make. Definitely keep writing because I would love to read more from you! Kudos and keep up the good work! Happy writing!
Jess
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
Great job, I really like your poem. It's truthful and it's something all can pretty much relate to. Bravo. I would definitely like to thank you for putting it up for others to enjoy. Awesome job! Keep on writing.
--Maya
How about this?
Sometimes life is hard, (I got rid of the always)
can't seem to play the right card. (I added seem to)
Love gets lost and is never found- (I added the is and the - I agree it does sound better)
sometimes keeps you forever bound.
There's a reason,
behind every season. (kept these three lines the same.)
Live it up no matter what, (decided to keep this the same too. It has a lot of meaning to me.)
'cause I'd rather have you than to not. (I just added the to.)
Thanks for the criticism,
I really appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Here there! I'm here as requested! I think this is a nice little poem you have here. Let me start by saying welcome to YWS, again!
Now on to more serious things -the poem. I liked it, it flowed well and you didn't have many grammar mistakes. You kept it simply and added a lovely touch with the rhyme scheme. But there are some little problems I would like to help you fix:
I've underlined 'always' because at the biginning of your line, you said 'sometimes'. Hmm, you need to choose which one you want to keep and I suggest you keep the 'sometimes'.
I would suggest adding 'is' between 'and' and 'never'. I don't know, but it would make more sense. After 'found' try using a hyphen or a semi-colon because I don't really like the sound of the comma here.
These two lines are nice. Not much to say here.
I uderstand that rhyming is difficult, especially if you don't want the poem to sound horrible or cliché or forced but I really think the end could have been much better. Why not because one life's really all you've got if you want to stick to this life and love thing? I don't know. It's your choice and anyway there isn't really much wrong with how it ends - I'm just being difficult!
Well, all-in-all, it was a lovely poem and I hope that as you keep posting, you improve to achieve great things!
Good luck! And keep writing!
- Mikko.
I agree wholeheartedly with this poem. Punctuated as it might be, it was accurate and simply effortless.
I suggested a couple minor changes. great writing. keep it up.