Published November 9, 2011
Hear my cree,
listen to me,
I'm not the person-
I seem to be.
Look in my eyes,
Don't say goodbye,
learn the truth-
behind the lies.
Read my lips,
release the whips,
And then I'm stuck.
Please help and give me some advice. 
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
First, it dpends on what you're trying to make a point of in the poem
this doesn't rhym but it might fit in wherever.It seems like you could make anything work if you try hard enough.
I added another paragraph and got rid of that part I just added.
Hear my cree,
listen to me,
I'm not the person-
I seem to be.
Look in my eyes,
Don't say goodbye,
learn the truth-
behind the lies.
Read my lips,
release the whips,
feel the cold steel,
see the blood drips.
I scream and shout,
without a doubt,
no one can hear me,
no one's about.
I added another paragraph and got rid of that part I just added.
Hear my cree,
listen to me,
I'm not the person-
I seem to be.
Look in my eyes,
Don't say goodbye,
learn the truth-
behind the lies.
Read my lips,
release the whips,
feel the cold steel,
see the blood drips.
I scream and shout,
without a doubt,
no one can hear me,
no one's about.
Yeah, that sounds good and personally I think it seems to fit well with the poem.
I scream and shout,
these chains wont slip?
Does that sound good?
by the way,
thanks for the help.
I'm unsure if you want help with only this stanza or if you'd like help writing more of it or if you just wanted it to be three stanzas... If you want more help, I'd be happy to, but I guess that all depends on whether you like my input or not. Anyways, I like what you have started here.
Hmm this is intriguing...I'm going to try to help.
Correct me if I'm wrong but, I notice that you have an AABA rhyme throughout the entire poem...and that the stanzas follows the pattern of hope followed by rejection...
That is one of my ideas. If you dislike, let me know and I will try another idea! I'm not sure where you want the poem to go from here, but I would be happy to help you continue on!
Hope this helps,
-Jessa
I like it, but it's kinda boring........ Otherwise good. Try to put more emotion in it! It's dry, like there's nothing more than the words on the page. Try this
Hear my righteous cree,
please listen to me,
since I'm not the person
I appear to be.
Look into my eyes
Don't say your final goodbyes
Learn the horrible truth
Residing behind all lies
Read my lips,
finally release the whips,
And let it fall upon me
all of your screams.
That's all I got, hope I helped!!
-Young
Hi there, craz33me.
I'm Solly, and I will try to help you. What you've got is good. But there's a problem. What is this poem about? I can't know for sure. But I'll show you how I start my poetry.
1) Start a poem by making a concept map that starts with a bubble, insert the Title of the poem there.
2) Then, create more bubbles that tell me what do your poem want to tell/express.
3) From each of those bubbles, create more bubbles. In those bubbles you should insert ideas. Like metaphors or something original you want to share.
4) Think about a shocking end. Something that makes the reader want to read it all over again<3333
Then you take all that information and with that boring organization, you create art. XD Make it flow! And rhyme, if you want.
Best of luck.
~Solly<3
I love the start you've made! It flows brilliantly, there's no fault with the rhythm or rhyme at all. The only problem I have with it is that it's not longer
I can't really give you any help, because it's quite a soulful poem, and the words really have to come from you. If you really want to finish it, maybe stop rhyming the sentences. That way, it gives you a lot more freedom, and it doesn't restrict what you can write. Then, once you've got the non-rhyming basis, you can change it so that it does rhyme. So far, so good, I'll say!
-Anna
I'm not poet, so i cannot really help you, but I love the theme in it. It really flows well and the ryhme scheme gives a very nice rythem. Great Job, and I hope that you eventually figure out how to end it.
Here some words that ryhme, and I think will go with your poem are blithe and myth. Good luck!