Published October 2, 2005
I wish could dive in the black sea(sky),
with little studded stars around;
I wish could play with em' o Thee!!
n bring the moon on earthy grounds.
I wish could fly like a bird n see,
far apart from gibberish sounds;
I wish could hum like a bee,
n stay forever in flower profound.
I wish could fathom all good in me,
n give a biff to all the bounds;
I wish to boast n sing n flee,
n let the world to astound.
I wish could sleep in the shell n glee,
as a pearl of the sea being impound.
I wish to reach the Zenith-Grantee!!!
...with silent peace n love abound.
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
This made me give a little giggle of joy, because I like the character of it so much. I love anything with a unique feel, and this is nothing if not unique. It reminds me a little bit of James Joyce, with the "three quarks for muster mark" and all of that.
I especially liked the third stanza, and I don't know if the last line was supposed to be ironic, but I interpreted it that way. Absolutely wonderful.
I disagree. I think the n thing was distracting and juvenile, kind of unofficial. The poem itself was pretty good though. I felt like the rhythm was off a lot of the time, but it had a kind of an awkward flow that worked nicely with what you were trying to say. Hmm. At the beginning I was planning on writing a politely negative critique but, thinking back, the poem is starting to grow on me. You know, it was actually really good. It made me really think about it. Bravo.
At first the "n"'s irritated me, but now, I think they give the poem a nice touch...a kind of accent, perhaps. I also think that "(sky)" doesn't need to be in brackets. This flowed well and made good use of rhyming. Very nice.