My eyes widened as he yanked a familiar knife from his leather boot. A murderous look came across his face. I gasped at the sight of it, terror filling my body.
“Please. You don’t need to do this!” I begged him. My body began shaking with sobs as he advanced towards me. I thrashed around wildly, trying to somehow break the metal chains off me.
“You KILLED her. She had a chance to survive!” He screamed out in rage. I jumped at the emotion that filled his voice. “I COULD HAVE HELPED HER.” He stared down at the weapon he held in his hands as if he were in a trance. “This is the last thing I have from her.” His voice was quiet, like he was talking to himself. He rubbed the tip of the knife with his thumb almost admiringly.
“Please.” I whispered out to him, my voice cracking. His head jerked up so fast it was a blur. His eyes glowed fiercely with hatred that sent shivers down my spine. It was a hatred I’d never in my life seen before. It paralyzed me, pulling the air from my lungs.
“You’re a waste of space,” He spat at me. “You deserve to die!” He raised the knife above his head, a crazed smile on his lips. All I could see was the tip of the knife as it sped toward my chest.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this off to a properly chilling start here, it looks like someone is very much about to get murdered in this here prologue..and it is properly terrifying to have this open with a character begging for their life. It is hard to tell if this is an innocent character that's about to get the knife or if it is a more evil person...and this is revenge...but well, it certainly grabs your attention quite well as a reader.
OKay...so this seems to suggest the one about to die ended someone else's life and said person was perhaps someone innocent...the one about to do the killing certainly seems to have cared a lot for that person and is almost a bit too angry there, they seem to have slightly lost control of their mind potentially due to grief. A very powerful picture being painted there.
Well that looks like its not going to be a quick death either...phew...a properly terrifying image to end things on there...oh wow, nothing being held back on that one. You can see the craze come to a bit of a head there and then despite her pleas, it looks like that's the end of the road there...well a powerful end to this prologue.
Overall, this was quite a scene here...you've certainly painted a very interesting picture here, and this is more than intriguing enough for me to want to read on and find out more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I have to second Fighta's review and say that whenever you had caps lock on, it looked a little immature. I'd emphasive the stressed words with italics or add an emclamation point at the end to show emotion.
Also, I'd add a bit to the first part. You just say a 'murderous look', and that's pretty vauge. Describe it instead.
Other than that, not much to say for the short prolugue x)
Wow, this is really good.
The description is not too fancy, which is actually great because everythings really clear. Even though the piece really short (which is perfectly fine for a prologue) I was fully drawn into it from beginning to end. I honestly can't wait to read more, even though from this alone I still have no idea what the rest of the story will be about. Which is a really good thing. Congrats on that.
The only thing I think you should change is where you've capatalized things. In my opinion t looks messy and immature. If a character is yelling someting, put an exclamation mark at the end. If they're yelling it and you really want to emphasize the way they say it and all the emotion, write it in italics. it just looks a lot nicer.
for example;
"You killed her."
"I could have helped her!"
"You deserve to die!"
I mean, its only a little thing, and it is totally up to you as the author, but i think many would agree that capatalizing things like that isnt as affective as other methods.
So yeah, overall, it was epic! Nice descriptions and it was exciting and had me hooked. Great job.
-Fighta
Whoa! That made my heart speed up at the ending! Very intense. I just have a few things to say. Corrections in violet:
And that's really all. Very exciting and dramatic! I can't wait to start reading this, please tell me when you have posted more!
Fadewriter.