z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Starry Night

by confetti


The curves sing. Their soft voices tell of a man who had once been mad – a man who had favoured the colour blue because that is how he had always imagined his insides to look. Which makes it all the more curious that, if you took a single step forward, you would notice the unmistakable aroma of orange peels. The air around you would leave a tang on the back of your tongue – a subtle salty and bitter blend. It will bury images in your head of those awful lemon meringue pies your mother used to burn every Thanksgiving.

If you stand closer still, you will notice the hills trembling. Beneath the melodies, they speak in fearful whispers of the blazing skies, which are sharp in your eyes and rough on your fingertips. You will stop briefly to observe how, despite their rugged texture, those skies are entangled in stars that twist and twirl in a graceful dance across the canvas.

Another step closer brings a new smell – one that reminds you of the corner in your grandmother’s living room where you read your first Hemingway novel. It is an unusual mixture of musk and rhubarb pie. The same skies that had resembled smeared lemons and blueberries from farther away now appear before you as a single hue.

Then, when you are so close that your nose presses against the roof of a small blue house, each stroke will reach toward you like a living entity. The gentle curves will swirl around your wrists and seep through your skin and the tumbling hills will entangle in your hair and soak into your scalp. Those same stars that led a tango earlier will flood your ears with a quiet hum that brings you back to a time when your mother sang quietly to herself as she chopped vegetables. It will make you miss home. Then, for a brief minute, you will stop to wonder if your insides are blue, too.

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299 Reviews

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Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:44 am
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Nice to meet you, confetti. Today, I'll be reviewing you work. :D

My goodness, what an amazing story that you have here. O_O It felt like an elaborate poem, the way it was built. In particular, your imagery and descriptions are sheer beauty, and I love the way that you conveyed this world of emotions and thoughts within a single paragraph. The story starts out with an eye-catching opening - discussing a man who had once like the color blue because it was how he imagined his insides - and then goes onto to provide all sorts of wonders to the reader's mind. You captivate and enthrall your reader throughout the entirety of this story, sending them along this path of not only memories, but of a world of sights, sounds, and the reader's graceful surroundings. You even managed to take a point of view not often used - second point of view - and conveyed it so excellently within this poem. In all, this is simply beautiful to read.

There were a few parts of the story that I, perhaps, enjoyed the most. I enjoyed every one of the examples where the reader is drawn into the story, and the narrator invokes memories. The burning pies, the corner of the room, the reader's mother humming were all so beautifully conveyed. Your usage of details made each scene so vivid. I could see each memory as though I were participant of the memories you describe. I can envision those feelings, the emotions, and even all of the senses. I can feel the sadness and see the mystery and feelings of reading a new book - I can quite clearly picture all of your emotions. They were incredibly well-built, and do a nice job of intertwining the reader into the story, making their experience even stronger and more profound. I even liked how you showed the blazing sky and how it feels in the eyes of the reader, but how, despite how rugged it looks, the stars are dancing so gracefully across the scene. Those images left a strong impression in my mind, and it was a nice element in your story. It illustrated both the beauty and fear in our world, and was incredible.

In conclusion, words cannot describe how much I appreciate this poem. It is a journey of memories of all kinds, a magnificent quest across the realms of thoughts, sights, sounds, and the mystical world around us. It opened beautifully, and concluded just as well. Your descriptions and imagery are something to be beheld, and I enjoyed reading this story from start to finish. No, not even enjoyed - I hung onto every word, jumping from exquisite detail to detail in the course of the story. Thank you for this story, confetti. Well done! :D




confetti says...


Thank you for that kind review!



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498 Reviews

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Mon Sep 14, 2015 11:56 pm
Que wrote a review...



Hey there!

I just had to say: Wow. This is some amazing imagery right here, and I think it's really neat! This seems rather hard to review, but I think it's mostly just because it's all one, big, imposing paragraph. I would suggest dividing it up into smaller paragraphs, for example each time "you" step closer, or any other places you feel like a division may be needed or would sound good.

I really enjoyed how this piece mixes senses a lot, like how you show sights through taste, almost.

The same skies that had resembled smeared lemons and blueberries from farther away now appear before you as a single hue.

For example, for me, these words convey taste before I think of them as sight. I think of the taste of lemons before I see the color in my mind. I think that's really neat.

– one that is both sour and bitter at the same time.

This part seemed a little odd to me- usually when there is a sentence like that, "both __ and __", they are two contrasting things. When you think about it, "sour and bitter" are really more similar than you'd think. They are not as contrasting as something like "sweet and sour" because sour and bitter are more often than not used rather negatively compared to other taste words. I suggest that you either change the words themselves or the way you phrased the sentence around it.

Overall, I feel that this is very unique and I can't look deeply enough because it probably means more to you personally, but I like it a lot and I think it's beautiful. Lovely work!

-Falco




confetti says...


Thanks for the review!




Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein