Published November 3, 2010
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I was emotionally hurt enough at the time, this is just what wound up on paper from my feelings. :/
It paints a nice picture for sure, I felt it could've been more personal, more emotional. But it isn't bad at all!
the rain is a very delicate subject...
i like your poem....
keep it up man!
i loved it!!! keep up the good work
Wow, thanks James. I think you went a little far with analyzing it, but that's good. I like that someone is actually taking my imagery into mind.
I like the abrupt change on the third stanza, I do that quite a bit in my poetry and it's more subtle and just simply my style.
Thanks for the thoughtful review. x)
~Devon.
Okay. I feel as though it's the general consensus that this is pretty. However, I'm here to break it apart a bit more and fiddle around with its innards. Shall we?
You first set a gorgeous little faction of the poem aside for pure imagery, and it makes for a captivating introduction. By the latter half of the second stanza, however, you avoid using the repetitive "Eyes of pane glass", which was interesting, and made a slight and abrupt transition with "Nature's intentions shouldn't be questioned" to what was seemingly a persuasive argument. This is fine, but the transition as said before was a bit rapid.
This switch would have worked a bit more if you had maybe added another stanza or two. x) What I mean is, I so much enjoyed the way you were going with it that I expected more details regarding how the overpowering effects of nature can be personified and then condensed into simple aspects of 'the perfect rain', like 'perfect droplets'. In contrast, I sort of enjoyed the simplicity too.
One thing I wanted to make a note of was "lightning strikes serenity". I don't believe I've ever read anything like that, to be honest. In the good way! Haha. It was interesting - an odd combination of something as fierce and sudden as lightning and something as (by definition) as calm as serenity.
"The winds howl with wisdom" - my thoughts exactly! I love this. It matches well the statement you make about nature in general being all-knowing.
One semi-issue I had upon reading it and re-reading it was the third stanza in general. "Pollen over hills" and "Dust through valleys" kind of hit me like a ton of bricks when compared to the effects that the rain had; not in the sense that lightning and rain belong together despite their differences...they just seemed to be VERY different from your central point. Dust and pollen connote dryness/death and the beauty/life-giving aspects of spring, respectively. These implied descriptions, while securing your point about how nature should not be questioned (because the forces of life and death should equally exist without tampering) don't go along with "lightning strikes serenity". I don't know, I'm sure some would disagree, but that's simply my opinion. Also, I would like to better understand how "her plans are like perfect little droplets". Are they only alike in that they are both "perfect"? Why are the little droplets perfect, just because they are portions of the 'perfect rain'? These don't have to be answered explicitly, or even at all. They're just a few things on my mind.
In summary - I'd personally like to see more of this, whichever way you're going with it. I know I sort of went in circles with my analysis but I really hope I was able to provide some sort of profitable insight. I can already tell you have a knack for precision, and you know how to use imagery to your advantage. Keep it up! x)
-- James
Don't be silly, every comment helps in some way. Thanks.
I love the rain, therefore I like this poem.
Good job.
-Shear
(Sorry for being unhelpful but when I see a poem I like, I have to at least comment on it.)
Slow and steady
The rain falls
Eyes of pane glass ( Do you mean for these last two lines to rhyme and not the first ones? Interesting idea)
Drops glide past
Lightning strikes serenity
The wind howls with wisdom ( I love this line!)
Eyes of pane glass
Drops glide past
Pollen over hills ( I would look for a new word to replace 'over', it doesn't do the line justice)
Dust through valleys
Nature's intentions
Shouldn't be questioned
She isn't to be judged
For her planes are like
Perfect droplets
On the eyes of pane glass
Over all I think this poem has a lot of potential, and I really love the title by the way. I think there are some areas that you could definately work on and rephrase some things but other than that good work and make sure to keep writing!
Emms Grayce
I do indeed love the rain, and pretty much any type of storm. Although the poem was supposed to be about a girl but I wrote it during a storm and this is how it turned out, haha.
This poem is really .. beautiful. It seems like you find comfort and serenity in the rain. I like that. The rain restores and renews things.
Thanks guys. I appreciate it.
beautiful. i really like it.
that's all i have to say.
I like this part of the poem, beautiful lines.
I actually can't find a fault in this, I like it very much.
I'll give you maybe a 4.5 out of 5
Have a nice day.