z

Young Writers Society



The Islander

by conceptane


THE ISLANDER
That moment in a man’s life when he wakes and feels like that which has been abandoned by a lake, you turn around and everywhere seems a vacuum, all you hear is the echo sound of your heart beat, the gentle whispers of the wind, all you see is the reflection of the man you have been, the footprints, standing legacy and the life you have lived before now, how bad it has been, how terrible it has been for you and how mockery seems to have taken the best of you.

Now you are found In an island where only you exists, all you think about is just you, you feel free, no one around to worry about, think about or lookout for, no one to judge your actions, no one to criticize how you are living your life. You feel comforted by the gentle waves of the water, the cool silent whispers of the wind feeding your heart with triumph. A life where the competition was just you, you have everything to live for but nothing to die for, at that certain moment life seems to be fair. Every morning seems to be filled with some sort of joy, that great man who you see his reflection in the water before taking a bath, the perfect life you have always dreamt about.

Then one moment a strange feeling struck, and that queer voice telling you how perfect your life was began to fade slowly, the perfect life began to seem a life of squalor, things just flew swiftly as though a heavy squall blew them away.

That moment of awesomeness flashes through you thought and then you realize that something was missing, everything was missing, it takes more than two to make a life, it takes more than two to earn happiness, that moment when a leaning shoulder is needed but seem not to be there, someone to confide in, someone to look up to and someone to prove something to, someone to love and love you back, then you realize at that moment that every one else in life matters a lot. No matter how sad or how happy they tend to make you, they made you who you are and gave you whatever you have. Everyman that comes your way has a role to play to make you a person. There are no accidents, just coincidence.

At that time you realize even the island depends on the water for survival.

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19 Reviews

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Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:18 am
RachelLescano wrote a review...



Hi! :)

As I have glanced at your title, it made me more interested to read your work. :)
It is nice for you to be descriptive in working with your article. But I think it would be better if you have used more descriptive ideas that will really bring your readers on the actual setting of the story and will let us experience the things you have cited. It may not that be easy to do but I know that you can be into that because I've seen your talent in writing.

"That moment of awesomeness flashes through you thought and then you realize that something was missing, everything was missing..." Is it really 'flashes through you thought' or just a form of typographical error? Well it's just a minor mistake. :)

Over-all, I liked it. I got your point and I'll just suggest the comment I have noted above. This is just what I think would make your work better but it's still up to you on how you'll gonna beautify your piece. I'm impressed of your work. :) Good job!
Hope this helps. :)

-RachelLescano




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42 Reviews

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Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:34 pm
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Quibbons Quill wrote a review...



I'm confused, he's on his own seemingly, but at the moment of realization it's 'more than two', so I assumed that the moment of bliss was, for instance, when you love someone and they love you, or when you kiss someone you love. However you would have "someone to confide in" and "someone to look up to". Indeed if there were two then one could have the island and the water. Anyway may seem a bit picky but the key to a piece like this is two fold and the first is making sense.
The second is appealing to the audience and quite frankly, when I read the time when "everything feels like a vacuum" that sounded horrible rather than desirable. So the moment of realization was a bit of an anti-climax.
The piece was well written though and, apart from my confusion mentioned at the top, well expressed and if we're honest me disagreeing with the premise is no crime of yours. All you can do is express a feeling well and by and large you did that.
Any questions ect feel free to PM if people still do that here
Quibbons Quill




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Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:54 pm
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conceptane wrote a review...



thanks Quill got the errs dont really have any question





Don't gobblefunk around with words.
— Roald Dahl