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The Cursed, Pt. 6

by comrie


The Cursed

Part 6

~x~

For Magdalene of the Eleven Daughters, plans that went astray never worried her. Often in her endeavors, she'd seek for one thing, and then find something else in the process. And in Magdalene's case, those "something else's" were almost always more valuable than her original goal.

She wasn't one to detail every step in her plan, but she also wasn't one to go blindly into something. She liked knowing, but she didn't like knowing too much. After all, what better way to go through with something than with facing surprises along the way? She liked the wondering questions that would arise throughout them. The feeling of not knowing; the feeling of not knowing yet. It all excited her, pushed her. And it was this vagueness of her plans were what mostly kept her going to find out if she really would succeed.

Magdalene's Sisters - most especially Lyris - often disagreed with her at the beginning of their journeys, only to nod in satisfaction by its end. For their doubt in their Lady would often dissipate by their plan's ends.

Forgive us for ever doubting you.

You are a definite favorite of the Lord of Planning, Our Lady.

And Magdalene's ever favorite: Brilliant as always.

Because she was brilliant. Brilliant in her chaotic plans that would somehow straighten themselves out by the end.

It was with this mindset that Magdalene had approached Irma Pembroke with her vague plan. She approached with a clear mind, a simple plan that consisted of a simple beginning and a simple end. Her beginning was basic: meet with Irma Pembroke. Her end equally so: settle an agreement with Irma Pembroke. The middle portion was something she would often let for the Talmic Lords to decide.

The meeting with Irma was stuck with her, even now. The human did nothing but surprise her with her burning eyes, her ever-present calculative look, the firmness in her every being, her threat to spread word of this meeting to her higher-ups. Not many humans would have been able to have stand their ground like that; most would have delivered their only child with no hesitation, often to save their own skin. 

So Irma's constant steadiness was a breath of fresh air, mere proof just how strong Irma Pembroke hid herself to be. And it was these very things that forced Magdalene to give Irma Pembroke some credit; the woman was not easy to break. And that, also, Irma Pembroke had definitely made things all the more interesting.

It was obvious that she was fierce when it came to protecting her daughter, Celia Pembroke, whose presence just outside the room did not go unnoticed by Magdalene. Neither did the shakiness of Celia's breath when Magdalene bid her farewell. The gasp had only made Magdalene smile to herself as she'd left the house.

Her lady in second, Lyris, had been waiting outside the house the entire time, only looking up when Magdalene let the front door shut close behind her.

Lyris drew her hood back from her head. Through her wild mass of white curls, Lyris's eyes flicked over Magdalene's smile: wicked, but not unusually so, because wicked was the only word one could ever describe Magdalene's smiles. She asked, "Has she agreed?"

The wicked smile only seemed to grow. "She hasn't." Slight confusion filled Lyris's face. It was the kind of confusion that begged for more information. In a light voice, Magdalene said, "This only makes the game more interesting."

And interesting it did. Magdalene wouldn't deny the mild frustration that arose from Irma's refusal to cooperate, but the frustration had definitely lessened when she had found the time to think things from a rational view. Twists and turns were bound to happen in a plan like this. After all, what mother would give up their own child willingly? The question, though completely rhetorical, never failed to make Magdalene bristle.

And so they'd plotted. With all ten of her sisters, Magdalene had devised an equally vague plan as before: first, determine Celia Pembroke's location; then, capture her. And as always, the Talmic Lords would decide for the rest.

"My Lady," came Lyris's voice, bringing Magdalene out of her thoughts and into the present: her standing amongst her coven standing in a circle, cloaked and hidden, on one of the many hills shrouding the Chancellor's home.

Magdalene clutched her staff tighter, turning her body so that she faced her Sisters. She said, "What is it?"

Bowing her head, Lyris, loyal Lyris, said, "The twins have gained access."

This piqued her interest. Her eyes sought the identical pair of witches, finding them holding each other's hands, standing side-by-side. Their eyes colorless, staring straight ahead, staring beyond. They'd been standing like this for the past thirty minutes, and Magdalene was beginning to grow weary.

Magdalene took a step toward them. She lifted her chin. "Speak."

One of the twins, Delilah, answered, "The carrier — she's in the west wing of the home. She's sitting alone, drinking something."

The other twin, Rhea, continued, "Her moves are jittery, hesitant. On edge. It's almost as if she's jumping to get up."

"Do you know where that would be?"

Rhea's gray eyes squinted, moving as if following something. "She has images in her mind. The backdoor. To the gardens. Her home." With a low groan, Rhea briefly closed her eyes, and Magdalene understood this as Rhea taking a moment to recover from the prowess of her eyes. After a few seconds, she reopened them, and, in a weary voice, she said, "Her thoughts are a mess. From worry to excitement. To confusion. Her thoughts are an absolute mess. They are filled with you, my Lady."

Another one of Magdalene's wicked smiles made way on her face. "Well, I'm flattered. But I am concerned myself. She's considering leaving, and the best way to go after her is in a crowded place, where she wouldn't be noticeably discovered missing."

Lyris said, "And so, my Lady?"

Magdalene said, "So we move and position ourselves as planned." She looked to the twins, and opened her mouth to say, "You've —"

"By the Talmic Lords," Delilah whispered in a startled voice. Her hands gripped Rhea's tightly. "It's him. He's here, my Lady." A pause before she continued. "Cloud."

The wicked smile dropped from Magdalene's face almost as soon as Delilah stopped speaking. Her fists — one by her side, the other holding the staff — tightened so hard that for awhile she couldn't feel anything. And his name, as it always did, summoned old lines he'd recite in her ear:

You are the only one for me, Maggie.

My heart is forever yours. Forever. Forever. Forever.

And almost soon after her mind would replay those distasteful lies, her own heart would tighten and burn and make her feel like she couldn't breathe at all. Until, of course, someone else — as in this instance, Lyris — spoke, and broke her out of her thought cycle. "My Lady." Worry coated Lyris's words. Worry and hesitation. Magdalene was not surprised by this. More than anyone, Lyris was the one to be able to read her panicky thoughts and tense stances.

Magdalene of the Eleven Daughters would not be broken by a simple mentioning of his name. She would not show this weak side of her to her Sisters, or to anyone else.

She swallowed, all too aware of the concerned faces of her Sisters, but kept her voice steady. "Where is he?"

Wetting her lips, Delilah spoke again. "The courtyard to the back of the house. He's closer to her than we are."

Damn him. Magdalene fought to keep her voice neutral as she said, "Is he alone?"

With a shake of her head, Rhea replied, "He's with the Shadowwalker."

Typical. Even now, he seemed to have needed that useless being with him wherever he strode. She was not concerned for its presence. It was a factor, something she had to maneuver around to get to her goal.

Tapping her staff against the ground once, Magdalene said, "You two have done well. You may stop now."

With grateful sighs, the twins dropped their arms and moved their hands to their eyes, touching them tenderly. Both whispered a grateful, "Thank you, my Lady."

Lyris moved forward to Magdalene's side. "My Lady, do you want to do this now?"

She knew what Lyris was secretly asking underneath those words. My Lady, do you want to see him now? The answer was no. It was always no. She didn't want to see him now, or ever. But she knew she couldn't jeopardize her plan — her Sisters — over a bitter past and a broken heart. No, she'd never let anything get in the way of her plots. She wouldn't be Magdalene if she did.

So with narrowed eyes, she replied, "Don't be a fool, Lyris. If we don't capture the girl now, there's no doubt in my mind that he'd get to her first." She looked back over at the house, which was bumbling with people and music and laughter.

And of course he would try get to the carrier first. Because this was his plan to begin with: securing the carrier of the Halfmoon pendant and then use the pendant to his wishes. Magdalene herself didn't know why the pendant was so important to him — that part of his plan he made sure to never share with her — but she thought that stealing it, no matter its possible uselessness to her and her coven, would satisfy her. Because she'd be thwarting his special plan. She'd be stealing the goods from him this time.

She wouldn't deny that she'd stolen this special plan of his. She'd stolen it from him when she'd found the truth about his feelings for her, about him. It might have been petty but it was the only thing she could do to get back at him for using her. Hurting her.

That was why accomplishing it before he could ever get a chance to was imperative. At all costs.

Lyris's voice came again: "My Lady." Still with worry, still with hesitation. But Magdalene would soon give reason to Lyris that she need not be worried or hesitant about anything. She would.

And so Magdalene lifted her chin, her eyes staring straight ahead: to revenge, to success. She said, "We move. Now."

-Hey guys. I'm so sorry that it's taken me forever and a day to finish this one part. It's actually been the hardest part I've had to write, and it's because, as you can see, from Magdalene's point-of-view, who I've always deemed as a mystery. Like Irma, she still is a mystery. But for some reason, she was harder than Irma. And I still don't know why.

Anyway, I'm happy to have finally finished. I hope you enjoyed this. Please feel free to leave your thoughts, con/crit, that sort of thing. I'm happy to hear them, especially since I don't really know what to think of this. (I'm just happy I'm done with it). But yes, please let me know what you think! Good/bad. And I probably have mistakes that I didn't catch myself, so please let me know what they'd be so I can fix them. 

I hope you guys understand. I don't ever want to drop this project. When I stop, it'll definitely be after "The End." Definitely. 

-comrie:)


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Sun Oct 25, 2015 9:00 pm
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PickledChrissy wrote a review...



Heya Chrissy here for a review!

I haven't reviewed in forever, so I'm really out of practice. Sorry if this review turns out terrible, I give you the fact that I am super rusty as my excuse. And sorry for spending so long getting to you. I haven't been going online as much, so reviewing kinda went out the door. Well, here I go.

For Magdalene of the Eleven Daughters, plans that went astray never worried her.


I think that the comma in that sentence is unnecessary. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm mostly sure, anyways.

For their doubt in their Lady would often dissipate by their plan's ends.


Okay, so their doubt doesn't dissipate BY the plans end. It's dissipated by the plans end. And it isn't THEIR plan, it's hers.

Magdalene really is kinda conceited. :D I like her! A very elegant, dangerous, arrogant, lady.

So Irma's constant steadiness was a breath of fresh air, mere proof just how strong Irma Pembroke hid herself to be.


I don't really know what you mean right here. Hid herself to be? Am I just reading it wrong, or did you mess up?

You are the only one for me, Maggie.

My heart is forever yours. Forever. Forever. Forever.


Oh, dear. He appears to be a bit of a flirt, isn't he? Or just enjoying using people. Can't really decide. Guess I'll find out!

When's the next chapter coming out!?!?! :D The excitement is building, and I want more. I had thought, after reviewing the first chapter, that this was just going to be a normal novel, just okay. But each chapter keeps getting better. The last two chapters especially.

KEEP WRITING! :D




comrie says...


Hey!

It is totally okay. Your reviews are never rusty, not even this one. It looks fine to me. Thanks for taking the time to read and review in the first place! :)

For that first line, I never considered no comma when writing that, but I agree now, looking at this sentence over again. It doesn't seem like it needs to be there. I think I just added that out of reflex, but I should definitely make a habit of checking my commas (and punctuation in general) and make sure they're placed in the right places.

You're absolutely right. This plan is Magdalene's plan, no other's. It is definitely her plan.

That part I think I might have messed up on. I think what I meant by that part is that Irma hides her strength. That she, though human, can I can see how my wording can be seen as a bit off. I'll look it over again and try to come up with a different way to write it.

Sebastian is... something. And he's definitely left an impression on Magdalene. I'll just say leave it at that. Whether he's genuine or just good at fooling/using people, you will find out. Hopefully, soon. :)

I wish I could say the next chapter is coming out soon, but sadly, it's not finished yet. I have indeed started on it, so I hope that pushes for me to work toward the end of the chapter. I'll definitely get back into it this weekend. I'm curious to see where this all leads too, and this is something that's revealed to me more and more as I write. But I'm glad you're excited and that you're liking the story. It makes me more motivated to keep writing for this story and hopefully finish it. It's funny, my favorite parts so far are this one and Sebastian's. I just feel like I've found a few pieces to a very big puzzle after writing them. I hope I can unravel more as I write.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I will definitely rework the parts you pointed out. I think I was just in a rush to publish this that I didn't think. But it's good. You've given me something to work on ;)

-comrie



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Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:57 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello! Happy review day! Let's get this out of the green room! :)
I apologize as I have not read the previous chapters, so I will be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.

I'm going to keep this review fairly large picture (but if you'd like me to come back and talk about more specific things, I can do that as well!) :)

You have a very rich style of writing with a lot of great description! The only thing to be wary of is the whole first chunk of this was a lot of telling and a lot of introspection and it got a little dull because I didn't know when the plot was going to start. I think thoughts are really interesting, and part of my problem very well could be due to the fact that I'm coming in late, but I kept waiting for the plot to start.

Then when the plot did start, I was confused. There are a lot of characters here and I wasn't sure who was who or who was on which side and exactly what was going on. I'm not sure where they are, what they're doing, or what the plan is. All of this is discussed but not really explained, (if that makes any sense :p). Like they talk about the plan without describing what the plan is.

I love how rich the writing is and I don't want you to change that at all. I think you should think about what you want the major point of this chapter to be - what's the big plot thing that's going to drive the plot forward into the next chapter (I'm guessing this plan they're coming up with). Then think about what has to happen and what has to be in this chapter for that to come across (I'm guessing the meeting with everyone and a big conversation about what they're going to do and why). Then look at what you have left and ask yourself what purpose it serves and if you really need it in this chapter. If you're a visual person, you could highlight the major point in one color, the supporting details in another color, and then you can see what's left. I think you'll need to add more to the supporting details and maybe take out some of the telling/introspective stuff.

I'll leave things there for now, but please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :)




comrie says...


Happy Review Day! Late, but I still said it! :)

First off: thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me! :)

I think a lot of your confusion stems from the fact that you haven't read any of the previous chapters. And that's okay. You don't have to apologize for it all because there's absolutely no obligation to read it all (it's a lot anyway). I'd surely feel the exact same way if I were to open a book at a random page and guess who's who and what's happening. It just wouldn't work for me. I'd spend more time confused, all the while guessing what's going on then focusing on the story itself. I wouldn't know who the characters are or whether or not they're new or introduced previously. I wouldn't know what's happening. Not as thoroughly as I (hopefully) would had I started from the beginning where everything is first laid out for me, to a degree. But your words do give me an idea on making plots more clear. I just have to find a way to.

I know a personal problem of mine is not knowing how much of a plot/story to reveal as the story goes on, and so I end up writing in a slower pace than some writers. The funny thing is, I like this slow build but I know it sometimes isn't the best way to tell what's going on, especially in certain types of scenes. Sometimes things need to happen quicker, and sometimes things need to take place outside the character's minds. But even though I know this, I'm still a huge fan of slow builds instead of just laying everything out on the table in one go. So I like to implement that in my own writing. I'd like to keep this slow build, but I wouldn't mind tips in making it more interesting and less dull. Are you suggesting I don't stay too much inside the character's head? What kind of other things do you think should be focused on? If my questions don't make sense, let me know! :)

Sorry if you were expecting Magdalene's plan to be revealed here. But I had planned to write it out in another part, with the characters actually acting out their plan for the readers to see for themselves what happens. I also like to make peeps guess, but this may not be a good thing because it may frustrate/confuse them. So I should hold less back, yes? Also, I thought this part in general was pretty essential in terms of having readers get a look into Magdalene's head in all this, whether or not her plan was revealed. I think this is also related to the fact I like slow builds even in terms of character development. But if you have suggestions on other ways I could have done that, instead of dedicating a whole section/part to this one scene, then please let me know!

I like your highlighting tips. That's a very creative way to go about planning a novel/novella, something I definitely have difficulty in (because I let myself ignore the fact that planing is pretty much essential in almost all writing). I'll definitely try it out, because I am a bit of a visual person, and seeing it drawn out in front me helps sometimes. Thanks for the tip!

Also, quick question, where did you feel like the story was telling? Was it with Magdalene's thought? Was there a certain bit of the part that was straight up telling? Or did you feel this way throughout? Please let me know! I'd like to correct it! :)

Thank you for taking the time to read and review this, and also knocking it out the Green Room :D You pointed out some neat points, and got me thinking. I appreciate it!

-comrie



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ParanormalMyth wrote a review...



Heya Comrie! I saw this in the Green Room, and after reading through the rest of the story I decided to read and review this chapter as well! I'm sorry if this review is short, I don't really have a whole lot to say.

First off, The Title. I personally really like the title of this, and it's what made me wanna read this story. :)

Okay, so Basic Plot. I always love witch stories, and this one is not a disappointment! It feels really original and doesn't fall into any cliche-ness. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about it all, but I'm glad I continued reading.

Why do I feel like Cloud is also the "him" Irma talks about... And Ceila's father... I always have the craziest suspicions!

All of your characters are really well written, and don't seem to fall flat to me.

Ok, so I have a small question type thing. I'm a bit curious as to why the pendant is called the "Halfmoon Pendant", when from a previous chapter I thought it was shaped like a five-pointed star. Of course I could be way over thinking this. For all I know the pendant may be do something magical on the night of a halfmoon, and that's how it got its name.

Ok, so noticed these two things~

And it was this vagueness of her plans were what mostly kept her going to find out if she really would succeed.

This sentence seems to be worded a bit oddly to me, and I had to re-read to try and get what it was saying. I think the part that threw me off was the "were what", since it doesn't seem to fit with the sentence. Maybe "that" would sound better?

The middle portion was something she would often let for the Talmic Lords to decide.

Okay, the second half of this. "Let for" sounds a bit weird. For this to read better, I'd say get rid of the "for", or replace "let" with "leave" :)

I think I may have noticed something else, but I can't seem to find it now.

Have A Great Day, and Keep Writing!
~Myth




comrie says...


Hey there, :)

I'm replying on my phone so there's bound to be mistakes while writing this. Please bear with me :) First off thanks for taking the time read all of the chapters. I'm glad that you took a chance with it!

Yay for liking the title. I was honestly thinking about changing it somehow while still keeping the word "cursed" but I think I'll hold off on that. I'm also glad you like the plot, and that you felt like it wasn't cliche and original. I'm happy that you feel the characters weren't flat because characters are a big deal to me.

As for Cloud being the "him" Irma and possibly Celia's father, those are interesting theories but I will try and complicate things and say that perhaps this "him" is someone else altogether. Someone who's been directly/indirectly introduced somewhere. Maybe it's Cloud or... maybe not. Who knows? Only time will tell :)

As for the Halfmoon Pendant thing, the necklace on Celia's neck is indeed a star shape. But maybe it's name has nothing to do with its shape, which may have a different meaning altogether. Your theory doesn't sound all that bad honestly. But I promise things will be explained as the story goes on!

When it comes to the errors, yeah I totally agree with you. That sentence is worded in a very weird way. I can see how it can throw people off. But I like your suggestion a lot. I think "that" would be better. Same with the other sentence. Both of your suggestions sound good to me; I'll likely go for either of them. And you probably did notice something; hopefully, I can find it when I go back and edit!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Thanks especially for catching the mistakes you could. I greatly appreciate it all!




We're all stories in the end.
— 11th Doctor