Nothing disturbed his room, a peaceful breeze whistling from outside the window to make his flowers stir. Azure had chosen them for Two Time, decided five years of calling them his flower was enough of an excuse to keep them in his room. Two Time was spending more time at church lately, still themself but far less of them appearing in Azure’s life. So he bought flowers.
His boot tapped softly against the floor, pale fingers fiddling with the most important thing he’d ever had in his possession. A ring, a request, maybe even a promise. The silver crystal’s shimmer caught the faint light through the window, the shine shifting around as he played with it.
The front door squealed open, then shut gently closed. He flinched still at the small sound, dropping the ring and letting it roll off of his desk, landing somewhere on the tile floor that just so happened to be the same color as the ring.
He cursed under his breath, dropping onto his knees to search for the ring, his fingers reaching the cold silver item just as Two Time appeared in his doorway, head tilted. He cursed again, in his mind this time, curling his fingers around the ring and sitting up, dropping it directly into his back pocket with a small sigh.
“What are you doing?” Two Time asked, approaching carefully and tucking their calves underneath them to sit, placing their hands on their knees. Azure couldn’t help but smile, his eyes meeting Two Time’s. Oh, how he longed to be kissed again. It had probably been just this morning that they had, but it’d simply been a goodbye, no meaning behind it.
“Pushups,” he grunted, blinking as he remembered to answer the question. “Trying to get fit. You know, ‘the Spawn waits for no one’, what if it wants me to go fight off all your enemies and I’m too weak?” They both laughed and it felt normal again, the sinking feeling in Azure’s chest rising back up as he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Two Time’s soft white cheek.
He felt their dimples appear for a moment before they pulled away, turning their face back to his parted lips, pressing their own to his and completing the kiss. A real one this time, one of passion and love. What Azure had been longing for, and now he had it back.
He gently put his wrists on Two Time’s shoulders, connecting his fingers behind their neck before he pulled away, a grin breaking open both their faces. Two Time pressed their forehead to Azure’s, giggling quietly. “Miss you.” It sounded slightly off, missing the ed at the end, the grammar wrong. Must have just not heard the end, Azure told himself. They were whispering.
“Missed you too. You want to make dinner together tonight? You’ve missed three in a row with church and all.” He pulled away, wiping his lips on his arm. He stood, holding out a hand to help Two Time up, hesitating only when he saw their face.
They blinked as if they’d been spacing out, their eyes unclouding. “Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Though I found this really cool sunset spot, I thought we could maybe have a picnic there. Watch the sun go down. Hold hands, like we’re teens again.” They took Azure’s hand, pushing themself up with their foot as Azure pulled their hand. They felt lighter than usual - had they not been eating lunch at work, or church? He was supposed to keep them healthy, safe.
“Sandwiches?” Azure asked, leading Two Time towards the kitchen. He squeezed their hand before letting go, opening the pantry to find bread. Something with protein to keep Two Time full, if they were indeed eating less.
They nodded. “Sounds good, I’m gonna go grab my bag.” Their voice sounded strange, words forced and maybe even strained. Azure shook it off as their footsteps turned, focusing on making Two Time’s sandwich. Extra peanut butter for protein, enough honey that they wouldn’t notice.
Suddenly he felt the cold metal of the ring against his leg and remembered it, looking around before dashing back to his room to place it back in the box. It wasn’t damaged, thank the Spawn. He hesitated, then grabbed the box and ran back to the kitchen to place it in the picnic basket. Tonight would be a great opportunity to propose, and he was certain they were both ready.
Two Time came back the same time he closed the basket, laughing at his quick flinch. “Peekaboo,” they said, walking over to squeeze his hand and begin Azure’s sandwich. That was the rule: they made each other’s food. Established without words years ago. “Crispy with lots of jelly and butter,” said Two Time, inserting two slices into the toaster.
“Lightly toasted with honey and peanut butter,” Azure responded, holding up the finished sandwich before wrapping it up and placing it into the basket, covering the ring box. He exhaled softly, pulling his hat out of his eyes. Two Time would say yes, of course they would.
They’d eat, Azure offering some of his sandwich and Two Time cringing and refusing at his awful taste. Azure would laugh, and they’d sit and watch the sun set as they ate. Then it’d reveal the ring box, and Two Time’s face would glow and they’d lean in and then—
“Done,” came their voice, snapping Azure back to reality. How long had he been thinking about the proposal? Two Time stepped over to place Azure’s sandwich in the basket, then picked it up. “Ready to go?”
Azure nodded, pecking their cheek before taking their hand. Tonight would be perfect.
But it wasn’t.
End of chapter
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,991 Reviews
I cannot say I am familiar with the source material, but you clearly know how to write gestures. I believe the love here, or at least the longing for it. Azure’s adoration radiates through nearly every sentence, and in that regard the piece succeeds: it is very clear who worships whom, and how much.
You present a relationship with at least one fracture already running through it; Two Time is drifting toward church, their absence forming the emotional cavity in which Azure plants their flowers and hides his ring. This is great grounds for conflict, but the story avoids conflict the way Azure avoids confronting the question of why Two Time feels "lighter," why their voice is strained, why their grammar slips in that tiny, uncanny "Miss you." These are signs, but the story so far never follows them anywhere. Instead, we get domestic motions: making sandwiches, preparing a picnic, imagining a proposal. The ritual is sweet, but sweetness without tension dissolves quickly.
If Two Time is changing, why? If church is taking them away, what does that mean? If the story is building toward tragedy as that final line implies it desperately wants to, why does it refuse clarity?
The entire middle of the story, in fact, sits in a holding pattern. Azure worries, briefly. Two Time says odd things, briefly. Something is off, briefly... If there is thematic intent, such as fear of change, the encroaching strangeness of faith pulling a lover away, the story does not seize it. Yet. Eventually, something must happen. Are we meant to suspect that the Two Time standing in his kitchen is not the same one who left the house that morning? If this is meant to be tragedy, then we need the shape of the loss; if this is meant to be romance, we need something to overcome; if this is meant to be mystery, then the wrongness surrounding Two Time must be more than a suggestion.
I'll be sure to check out the following chapter.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the nightmarish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - In the midst of horror, there is still love in the air. Azure wants to propose to Two Time, but will Two Time accept the proposal? Most importantly, will there even be a proposal? After all, monsters still lurk and are closer than they think.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - Oooh a Roblox fanfic! A FORSAKEN fanfic! How exciting! One thing I love about this is how excited Azure is to propose to Two Time. He cares about them so much that he puts honey in their sandwich and carefully picked out a ring just for them. <3 I also love how you pointed out that Two Time sounds a little off, this shows that their mind is elsewhere and that this proposal will not go down as Azure thinks how it will. :<
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a rather sad and romantic chapter. I see that you have published a second chapter, so I will be sure to read that tomorrow. I have enjoyed reading this and I fear for Azure, but also Two Time because I’m not sure if they even want to kill Azure. :< This horrible cult thing has ruined a chance of peacefulness they could have had together. Anyway…
I wish you a fantastical day/night! ^v^