Published January 8, 2011
So, what do you do when you wake up one morning and realize your so unhappy that it takes your breath away and what's worse you haven't even got the energy to care if it does. You've tricked yourself into believing that getting up every morning and wishing you'd stayed glued in the abyss of the night is a ritual of Man and not the sad dreams of a lost soul.
Make up, hair, clothes, money; you cling to them almost magnetically,anything to help you escape the bottomless pit of screams errupting from an empty well inside your chest. The pulling strings drag and scrape; light pummeling like a savage beast attempting to make a break for it. For freedom.
Faces pass by like a montage of ignorance, people look but never see. Stroking the casing of rainbow shaped hell, emcompassed in a cloud of vanilla. Greetings spring from my every pore like beads of perspiration, the boy at the bus stop that meets your eye for a little too long, the burly truck driver who toots his horn in appreciation at your shapely behind; just meaningless utterances that cut like a knife. No one wants to know that in those rare moments of happiness I scare myself so much I have to bite my lip to stop myself screaming, no one cares.
Truth is no one will ever care.
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139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
This was really great! I loved out it was so vividly described in detail and similies, also I understand where you're coming from in this writing piece and I hope if this really is your confession that it works out for you and your feeling become more happy. Or better...... yes I hope.
Thanks for posting!
*SnickerDooly
Yeah. the busy world at times don't make sense. Looking but not seeing. Hearing but not listening.. Losing your passion to go on. Not having much enthusiasm for a dream.. Its a very empty and sad thing to feel.. An emotion we must get over with.
I actually liked this quite much, which surprised me because I'm generally not too fond of "angsty" pieces, even if it is only faked angst. However, your imagery was very fresh, especially in that third paragraph, so I'm glad to say that this definitely was an "original" piece.
Only two points of critique, or rather suggestions:
1. Watch your grammar in that first sentence (you're, not your, and maybe a question mark on the end?) ?
2. The ending was the only part that seemed like it was teetering into the realm of angsty-cliche. Yes, no one cares, you're not special, but we've heard that from everyone. Try using some of that honestly wonderful wording you've got before.
Just small things, of course. Good luck with you're writing!