Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this one was kind of vague. I feel like that last line is maybe made to give us chills and realizing something along the lines of a maybe some monster in the closet type thing but the thing is most of the description seems rather vague and the things that happen appear so disconnected in some parts that I just don't get a good sense for what is actually going on here which kind of ruins it.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I can't see you.
Hmm I see we are definitely upping the overall shock factor there with that kind of start. Very interesting choice there for that because its just enough information to get your attention but its not too detailed. Usually lines like this end up too vague to mean something but this one was chosen well.
You're like a vaporous substance that clings in mid-air beside me. Your intangibility grows less and less, more and more as I sift through the clues in my mind. In the dark I bend the shadows so you're sitting in my window. In light I watch the rays move and decide that it's you confusing me even more into the abyss which is my mistaken imagination.
Well now that was even more interesting. Quite a lot of broad sounding in this one if you get what I mean. I just seem to be having a little trouble picturing some of these things take place and that is interfering somewhat with my ability to process the story.
I can sense you.
Well that got intense with that one.
When have my instincts ever been right? I feel as though your tabooed to even think about. I think anyway, reconstructing you piece by piece examining all the parts. I put you back together slowly reviewing the possibility over for a third time. Do I need more evidence that I don't know how to get? No one knows what you are?
Okay so now it takes on yet another tone which is again like throwing me for a loop as to exactly where this thing is headed.
That could be my ragid breathing reflected off the wall. Refracted into the giant empty house while I sit at the computer alone. I turn slowly listening, I still hear you. Glaring into the empty hallway behind me I hold my breath. I mumble something stupid, maybe cuss.
This morning I woke up and my closet light was on.
Okay that tells me a couple of things about what this might be all about but then it still isn't all that clear which is not great. I mean vague and mysterious is great but then when its really vague to the point that you don't quite understand that detracts from the reading somewhat.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its got some great parts. The one line paragraphs do a tremendous job and the descriptions are also pretty good but the message of this thing and the plot overall just seems absent from the piece nor does it give a message as a monologue so it just feels like some really good random words which you need to ground a bit more so that it can be easily deciphered.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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