The wind howls, scattering leaves in it's wake, it is the middle of Winter and lightning and thunder are at war. I walk on oblivious, to these things. Fear rids my body of every emotion, but i keep walking. I know what i am doing is right, but in this world right and wrong are mere phrases. I study the ground as i walk following the lines of the now cracked pavement. The road turns and i finally look up. Beyond the deep mists that surround the shrubs and cracked pavement of the ancient roads is a figure. I walk on towards the figure fear slowly numbing as i look into the gruesome killers face. I pay attention to the numbness now. Surely dying is all right if it's in the place of someone you really love?. What if living had lost it's meaning altogether and death was the only option? With a jolt i brought my self back to reality and sighed, as I stared up into then gleeful face of my killer.
Death was so close
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Looks like we've got ourselves a pretty dark start here with this one, oh well, there's certainly just a general vibe of all things dark and evil permeating through this piece here and it looks like that is the kind of effect that you were going for here...it certainly makes you think quite a bit this one.
I really like description in this piece, it really creates this dark and dangerous sounding atmosphere quite well, and with the additions of the feeling of fear and the sound of the howling wind, it really all comes together to create a powerful sense of this scene and it really makes this piece that much more powerful here.
The end there where it almost seems like the character here has somewhat given up on life and is marching towards death is another powerful especially cause while I think this is talking about an actual killer of some sort that's here to assassinate this person perhaps, we also almost get the sense that this person is also marching straight towards Death itself...and that's gives it a new level of awesomeness here at the start.
Overall, a very intriguing piece here, definitely caught my attention and it seems like something that I'd continue reading here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi there!
Emily pointed out a few typos and grammos, but I'll do the full service, seeing as I have so much time
I'll just paste it in here, so I can type corrections directly.
The wind howls, scattering leaves in its wake. It is the middle of winter and lightning and thunder are at war. I walk on, oblivious to these things. Fear rids my body of every emotion, but I keep walking. I know what I am doing is right, but in this world right and wrong are mere phrases. I study the ground as I walk, following the lines of the now cracked pavement. The road turns and I finally look up. Beyond the deep mists that surround the shrubs and cracked pavement of the ancient road is a figure. I walk on towards the figure, fear slowly numbing me as I look into the gruesome killer's face. I pay attention to the numbness now. Surely dying is all right, if it is in place of someone you really love? What if living has lost its meaning altogether and death is the only option? With a jolt I bring myself back to reality and sigh, as I stare up into the gleeful face of my killer.
Death is so close.
You mixed your tenses at the end and suddenly swapped to past, where it was present. You had some unsuitable comma usage and a few mixes with apostrophes. You also forgot to capitalise your Is. I don't agree with Em about the "surely dying is all right" part. I think it makes sense, but recommend that you remove the "the" as I have done in the grammar check. This does clarify it.
These spelling and grammar mistakes are the only thing wrong with your piece. I am mystified by this. If it were the start of a novel, I would simply have to read further before putting it down. you kept the tension going and the imagery is very good.
The title? Why Knight Riders? Perhaps you meant Night Riders? Knight already encompasses Rider, so I would suggest reviewing that.
Now it only remains for me to say welcome to YWS and may your stay be a long and happy one! You have great potential as a writer.
Keep the ink flowing!
barefoot
Hey, just a quick review:
Spelling and Grammar:
‘The wind howls, scattering leaves in it's wake, it is the middle of Winter and lightning and thunder are at war.’ ‘it’s’ should be ‘its’ since when we’re saying that ‘it’ owns something, we do no put in an apostrophe.
‘What if living had lost it's meaning altogether and death was the only option?’ Again, ‘it’s’ should be ‘its.’
‘With a jolt i brought my self back to reality and sighed, as I stared up into then gleeful face of my killer.’ ‘my self’ is one word.
‘Surely dying is all right if it's in the place of someone you really love?.’ This sentence doesn’t make sense: either you meant place should be presence, or someone should be somewhere. I hope that’s what you meant it to be anyway.
Great work on the imagery, it’s a nice short little piece. Not sure if it’s meant to be a prologue or not. If it’s a chapter, I reckon you could probably add a little more in, you know, add action. How did they die?-and such. If you’re meant to find out later in the novel, then well done.
Anyway, overall, I really liked this. You never lost my attention or anything.
From Em
By the way, welcome to YWS. If you want to request reviews from people, click on forum, and click on 'Will review for food' and ask someone in there to review. (You don't have to if you don't want to! No pressure! Just trying to be helpful)
Hey can you tell me if you like it?