You told us EVERYTHING in this poem and left nothing implied. It doesn't pull our emotions into the poem, it merely tries to tell us what emotion is in a "black and white" sort of way. It doesn't work very well.
I know that everyone here has been beating this poem up, and I really don't want to add too much to it. So I should probably stop now, but I really wanted to encourage you to keep trying. Everyone starts out with something like this, and then they slowly learn what they need to put in and what flows and what sounds right to the read and such. Keep working at it.
Points: 2340
Reviews: 447
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