As Tenley emerged from her truck, McKinney and Poppy were already running towards her. “TENLEY!!!” they were both yelling, arms open for a hug. Tenley crouched down to gather the two in her arms. “My munchkins!!” she said with joy infiltrating her voice. Her smile spread ear to ear, and she could feel their smiles on her neck as the two buried their faces into her. Tenley always had to pick up the two twin girls each day after they got out of their kindergarten class due to their parents being away most of the time, but she was always ecstatic to see their bright faces. “Are we goin’ to the lie-berry today?” McKinney asked. “Yeah! Lie-berry today?” Poppy continued. “Of course we are! Mommy and daddy had another trip to go on, and so it’s library today!” Tenley replied. She loaded the bundled and shivering children into her truck, and drove them to the local library.
“Sorry I’m late. Road was icy so I had to take my time with the girls.” Tenley said to Janet, her boss.
“It’s fine Tenley,” she said, sneaking a glimpse at McKinney and Poppy in the children’s area, “You know I don’t mind if you’re just being safe. Now, I need you to go work on the Christmas displays by the front door. Hurry off, now.” she said.
“You really must enjoy using the fact that I adore Christmas against me, don’t you?” Tenley responded.
“Absolutely. Now go. I’ll watch the girls.” Janet replied with a wink, motioning at Tenley’s younger sisters. Tenley took off towards the front, stopping to grab the decorations for the display.
As Tenley was decorating the Christmas trees on the sides of the front door, she heard someone call her name from behind her. She stopped what she was doing and started to look around to look who had called her name. Betty, the crazy cat lady; Farrah and Regina, the soccer moms; the popular kids; Brady, local lunatic. Who called me? Tenley thought while looking at the people around her. As she continued on with the display, someone called her name again. As she looked through all the people again, she noticed someone from the popular group looking at her. Once she saw the person, she realized who it was- Keegan Highland. He was one of the most “popular” guys at Yorktown High, and every girl had a crush on him- he had dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and was known as the “golden boy” that was all sorts of nice. Well, there was at least one girl who didn’t.
“What do you want Highland?” she asked as politely as she could.
“World peace.” He replied, nonchalantly and monotonous.
“Ha-ha. Didn’t I tell you I can’t be bothered at work?” she asked, fiddling with a paper angel ornament.
“Yeah, but you should know by now that I don’t care,” he said, grinning, “But really, I was wondering if you could help me.”
“Help you with what?” she asked.
“School. I need help in English. And you have to help me because if you don’t, I’ll just have Mr. Kiffner make you my tutor and so you’ll just be saving us both some time. So, whaddya say, Young?” he said, a hint of joy invading his voice as he could tell she realized she couldn’t get out of it.
“Whatever. You know you’re a jerk, right?” she said, teasingly.
“Ah, but a very cute jerk.” He replied with a wink.
“You wish Highland.” She said while chuckling.
As Tenley turned back around to proceed in her decorating, she continued speaking as well. “Well, I work here after school from 3-8, so you can drop in anytime between then. Unless you feel like waiting, don’t come until after 3. I can probably talk Joan into giving me and hour-and-a-half to help you out, 2 hours if I’m lucky. Unless I tell you otherwise, only Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays can I tutor you. That sound good to you, Highland?”
“Um, yeah. But why would I have to wait if I came before 3?” he asked curiously.
“I have to pick up my little sisters from school and that usually takes me an extra 20-30 minutes. Now, feel free to go back to your nice little posse and let me work.” She said politely but sarcastically.
As Keegan walked back to his friends, he looked back at Tenley. She had gone back to working. He had hoped she’d still be looking- maybe then he could admire her dark, violet eyes or her obscenely bleach-blonde hair. He let out a little sigh as he came back to reality. If only she knew he thought.
Tenley started to hum Christmas carols unknowingly as she continued to decorate with a precise image for what she was going to do. She continued to hum and decorate, until she was actually doing a slight dance to the carols. When she topped the trees with the antique stars Janet had found in her basement, she stepped back and smiled at her work.
The trees were covered with decorations made by the kindergarteners at McKinney and Poppy’s school, candy canes Freddie brought in just for her to decorate with, old Christmas lights from Janet’s basement, and some ribbon she had found at the craft store she thought would accent the tree perfectly, which it did. As she stood glancing at her work, Janet crept up behind her and let out an admirable sigh.
“Oh, Tenley, it’s gorgeous! You have an amazing eye for making something beautiful.” Janet said, admiring the two trees while walking around them.
Tenley smiled and chuckled slightly, “Janet, it was already beautiful. I just helped the beauty show itself a little bit more.”
“Oh whatever you say, Tenley. Now if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to go put all of those books back.” Janet said, smiling while still admiring the trees.
“You got it boss.” Tenley responded.
Tenley made her way to the returns counter, loaded all of the books onto the cart, and made her way to the stacks. As she put the books in their designated sections, she started to hum Christmas carols unknowingly again. She put the books away while doing a small dance, when she heard slight chuckling from somewhere near her. As she began to investigate, Keegan came from around the corner. “You should know it’s slightly weird when you zone out. But, slightly cheerful.” He said, grinning while holding back a chuckle.
Tenley scoffed. “And when exactly did I ask for your opinion on that matter?” she said, hoping her cheeks weren’t as red as she felt them.
“Calm down. It was entertaining,” he began, “and slightly cute, you prancing around like that humming. You’re really good.”
“You don’t mean that,” she said, and she knew her cheeks were burning as red as Rudolph’s nose, “and I don’t mean to do it. I just get into the spirit and I start doing it without knowing. I guess it is pretty weird.” She said, chuckling.
“I do mean that. But, I should probably tell you that the librarian’s looking for you. I guess she saw us talking and saw me heading back here and told me if I saw you to tell you to go find her. Then I heard you humming and, so, here’s the message.” Keegan said. Tenley noticed that he had a strange tone to his voice, one she’d never heard before.
“Um, thanks Keegan. I’ll see you later?” she responded.
Before she could wait for his reply, Tenley took the cart back to the front desk. “You called for me?” she said to Janet as she approached her.
“Ah, yes. Just the Christmas wiz I was looking for. I need your help,” Janet said, “Freddie got sick, and he was about to decorate outside. I know it’s cold out there, and I know you probably are freaking out because of this and I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’ll pay you extra. Please, please say you will.” Janet pleaded. Tenley started to giggle.
“Oh Janet,” she said, still giggling, “Of course I will! And you don’t have to pay me extra. I love working here, and McKinney and Poppy love it here and I would do anything you’d ask because I know you love this library like I do. Plus, it will make everything a bit more festive, and how could I say no to that? Now you just get yourself home and I’ll go put up the lights and stuff.” She said, already taking off towards the basement to get the lights and other decorations. Once she had them, she took off towards the front.
Tenley took all the decorations to the front of the library over a course of an hour and a half, when she realized she had forgot to get the ladder. When she spun around to go get it, she ran straight into Keegan, knocking her down. “Oh, I’m so sorry Keegan! I guess I wasn’t paying a lot of attention.” She said, scrambling back up.
“Not a problem, Young. But, I don’t think you’re going to be needing that ladder.” Keegan replied, becoming drearier as he spoke.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Um, look out the window.” He said, pointing to the windows. Tenley walked over to one, oblivious as to what was happening and looked outside. She gasped at what she saw. A blizzard must have begun while she was distracted with her work. Tenley groaned as she watched the snow sweep through the parking lot, covering everything it touched with its bright white snow, leaving nothing in sight left in a non-white state. “Sorry to break it to you.” He said, walking up behind Tenley as she stared out into the snow, flying faster and faster each second.
“I just wanted to put up the lights. And it’s almost time for me to get off and the munchkins need to eat and go home to sleep. And Janet left! This is just great.” She said, becoming worried of McKinney and Poppy.
“Well, we’re stuck here, and I think I might have an answer to solve all of your problems.” Keegan replied with a smirk, and pulling Tenley up straight as her expression changed from sullen to curious. “Let’s go.” He said, dragging Tenley to the door leading to the basement.
“What are we doing? Why are we in the basement? Will you just answer me?! KEEGAN!” she shouted. She pulled her hand away and stood still so Keegan would face her.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“What?” she asked irritated and annoyed.
“Just answer me. Do you trust me?” he said.
Tenley sighed. “Of course I trust you Keegan.”
“Then shut up, and come on.” He said joyously. As Tenley sighed, Keegan grabbed her hand again and continued to pull Tenley throughout the basement. “FOUND IT!” Keegan yelled when he finally found the ladder.
“Um, are you forgetting that there’s a blizzard going on?” Tenley said, oblivion hinting in her voice.
“I thought I said no questions. But since you won’t listen, we’re going to be hanging lights, just not outside. Now help me get this upstairs, and then I’ll tell you how I’m going to solve your problems with McKinney and Poppy.” He said. Tenley sighed, but proceeded to help Keegan. “You’re really starting to annoy me Highland.” Tenley said as the 2 were struggling with the ladder.
“Oh, if only you meant that Young.” He said while chuckling. After an exhausting and tiresome 30 minutes of maneuvering the ladder up the stairs, the 2 succeeded in bringing the ladder up. “Okay, now just set it down over here and follow me.” He said while grabbing Tenley’s hand yet again. She groaned, but didn’t hesitate. Keegan pulled Tenley to the back of the library, where the vending machines were located.
“I have a feeling that you’re going to have us buy a dinner for us and the munchkins, and I’m guessing my feeling’s right.” Tenley said. Keegan just shook his head, and grabbed a plastic bag full of quarters and some dollar bills in it. “Great. Let’s give the already hyper kids food to make them even more hyper.” Tenley said monotonously.
“We’ll get the potato chips and apple juice for the munchkins. You can get whatever, my treat. I, however, will be treating myself to some coke, skittles and cookies,” He said, becoming more ecstatic as he spoke, “After they eat, we’ll go ahead and put them to sleep.”
“Sounds like a plan Highland. Can you get the stuff? I’ll have a Dr. Pepper and starbursts. I have to go look for something real fast.” Tenley said.
“Yeah, sure. Go on your mysterious hunt for your mystery book for your mysterious reasons. I’ll meet you at the children’s area.” Keegan said.
Tenley chuckled, “You’re ridiculous.” She said while walking away. Tenley made her way through the stacks to the front desk, where all the duplicate-donated books were stocked in case of emergencies. She crouched down to the very bottom and skimmed through the shelf, when she saw it. “Gotcha!” she accidentally said out loud. She held the book close and made her way to the children’s area.
“TENLEY!” the children said, running towards her while entering the room. Tenley knelt down and grabbed the girls close. “There are my girls! How was your day?” she asked the 2. “I played with Anna with the tea set and dolls.” Poppy said. “I played with Peter and the trains. I love the lie-berry Ten!” McKinney said. Tenley chuckled as she stood up, only then noticing Keegan looking over with the food laid out on the play table.
“So, you going to tell me why you left me to get all the food?” he said, eyeing the book in Tenley’s hand. Tenley held up the book so that he could see what she had grabbed- The Night before Christmas. “You’re such a dork.” He said laughing.
“It’s a classic, and my favorite book. Now, be quiet so I can handle these two.” She said, pointing at the two girls clinging to her legs. “Okay, my munchkins. Get off so you can eat.” The two jumped off Tenley’s legs and made their way towards Keegan.
“Okay, so we have some potato chips and apple juice for you guys. That okay with you?” he asked them.
“Mm-hmm.” They both answered simultaneously. The two took their food and drinks and sat down and began to feast on their tiny dinner. Keegan and Tenley looked at each other and started to chuckle silently. Tenley came over and sat down by Keegan as he handed her the food.
After all the food was finished, the two munchkins began to yawn and their eyelids started to droop. “Okay, munchkins, let’s get you two to bed.” Tenley said as she grabbed Poppy who was half-asleep and brought her to the giant chair in the corner of the room. Keegan followed Tenley’s actions and brought McKinney over to the chair. Tenley took her coat and draped it over the girls, and Keegan followed the exact same way. Tenley sat down in front of the chair, got comfortable, and opened the book. “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…” Tenley read. She read through the book until she was positive the munchkins were asleep. She stood up and motioned for Keegan to follow her as she crept away from the sleeping children.
“You’re really great with them you know.” Keegan said as Tenley sat on the couch in the lounge area and Keegan was positive he could speak. He took a seat in the recliner diagonal from Tenley.
Tenley hesitate slightly, but continue to say, “Well, they’re sort of my responsibility.”
“What are you talking about?” Keegan asked her confused.
“My parents travel a lot because that’s their job, so it’s usually just us 3. I skip lunch to drop them off at their afternoon class, pick them up when they get off, and bring them to work with me. Then I bring them home, make them diner, and then tuck them into bed so I can start my homework. Janet watches them while I’m in class, but their school is a couple miles from here, and Janet has to come here so I’m in charge of them with school.” She explained, still hesitant at first.
“But you’re only 17! Isn’t that a bit much? And what’s with your parents?” Keegan asked, surprised by Tenley’s responsibilities.
“Dad’s a pilot. Mom’s a flight attendant. They travel internationally. When they’re home, it’s like they aren’t even there. Their heads are somewhere else, and McKinney and Poppy try to bond with them really hard, but there’s always work to do or emergencies to fix. Someone’s got to step up. Oh, and get this- they won’t be home for Christmas. Living the life, huh,” she replied, becoming slightly upset thinking about it, “No one really asks about how we are anymore. They don’t really care. They usually just ask about my parents or something like that. And I just smile and lie. It’s actually a routine I have mastered.” She continued, becoming more comfortable as she proceeded.
“That’s really got to suck.” Keegan said, seeing tears develop in Tenley’s eyes. They sat in silence- Tenley fighting back tears and Keegan thinking. “Wait. So, you used to have like a big group of friends but got excluded a couple years ago when you stopped hanging out with them, right?” he asked. Tenley nodded. “So, you got excluded because you had to take care of McKinney and Poppy?” he questioned. Tenley nodded her head again, a single tear falling down her cheek. Keegan stood up and walked over to where Tenley was lying and moved her head so that it was lying on his knee.
The two laid there for an hour or so, until Tenley sat up. “You know, we never hung up the lights.” She said, wiping the water from beneath her eyes and looking at Keegan.
“Oh crap.” He said rubbing his eyes. The two started to chuckle, then got up and walked over to where the lights, ladder and decorations were left. “Shall we?” he asked.
“We shall.” Tenley said slightly chuckling.
All night through the blizzard, which slowly died down to a slight shower of snow, the 2 decorated the library with all the lights, wreaths, holly and some hidden mistletoe here and there, unknowing of the blizzard’s dying down. As the two put everything away and walked back up from the basement, did they truly see all of their work. They had created a winter wonderland throughout the library, and it was simply amazing.
The two made their way across the library to the front door’s to see the aftermath of the horrid blizzard. They walked out just as the sun was rising, and the way they saw the scenery made it seem as though it was all a dream. The sun made the snow sparkle, and everything was covered in inches of snow. The snowplows already plowed away throughout the small town, and you could just smell the beginning of a new day.
Keegan and Tenley stood out, admiring the view when Keegan realized Tenley was shivering. Keegan took off his coat, and draped it over her shivering shoulders. “Th-thanks” she said, stuttering from the cold. He chuckled slightly, gazing out at the view. “R-really- thank you so much for last night. It really means a lot to me. The two watched the sun rise and snow fall, until they retreated back inside when they saw Poppy walking around.
“Back to reality.” Keegan said, forcing a smile.
“Not a problem.” Tenley replied with a smile. But, the smile was one no one saw very often. It was one that wasn’t forced, wasn’t to pretend that she was fine. It was one meant from the bottom of her heart, and she could feel it starting to reflect her old self- the one who was truly happy.
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Thanks so much for telling me this! I really want to try to make this as realistic as possible, and truly appreciate this. This will really help me with making it that way. Thanks so much again
Hi Clark! The title of your piece attracted me to it, so here's a review. I'll try to go bit by bit in order, so here it goes.
In the first paragraph, the way you wrote it made it sound like the two girls were Tenley's daughters, the way you said "my munchkins" and "mommy and daddy" and things like that,many it was a little confusing. I would suggest maybe hinting at their true relationship earlier rather than later. Then later on, I thought that they might be Janet's daughters, because she said "my babies". Then I realized that they were Tenley's sisters, and Janet was her boos, and Tenley's parents had a trip, and it clicked. Also, just a little side note, I found it distracting how the two little girls were constantly called "munchkins". It was a tad annoying, but fixable. I mean, if you think about your average popular boy, he's not going to be saying munchkins very often. Unfortunately, the world has become so shallow, that if even the simplest of words sound weird, they aren't used anymore. So, it's not really a you-thing, but a world-thing.
Also, I would try and find a new word for "laughs" other than "chuckles", because I noticed that it was used quite often, and some variety would help to not make the piece sound repetitive. At the beginning, I thought you did a really nice job of portraying an accurate character personality for the popular boy, Keegan. But, as time went on, I couldn't help but pick up on some little things, that just make it unrealistic. Like how he openly asked for tutoring in front of his posse, and kept...almost stalking Tenley as she went about the library. Every two seconds, it seemed like he was right behind her. Also, Tenley said that she didn't have any sort of crush on him, and didn't really seem to know him all that well, but she was totally fine with telling him her life story, and letting handle the "munchkins" and kissing him? I don't really know, seems kind of fishy.
I have to say, I was a little disappointed that there wasn't more focus on the blizzard itself, and how people had to stay in because of all the snow (3 inches...hm.). Maybe you should rethink the title, because this was more of a love story than an epic tale of how a diverse group of people tried their very best to outlast the biggest storm of the century, and how they would find a way to make the food last, and two people of roughly the same age happened to hook up along the way.
Now, for some praise. I thought you had a really nice way of wording some of the sentences. I especially liked how you want about describing the new day at the end. The plot was nice too, just some of the details I mentioned made it seem a little glossed over and not real, but it was a really good effort, and don't stop writing, because this has real potential!
Hope I was helpful, and not too hurtful!
~Caterpickle
Hey, Annie here for a review! I may do a little nitpicking in some parts, but I hope it helps you.

My first suggestion is to make sure that you start a new line after each dialogue unless it is the same character speaking, and even then starting a new line can diminish confusion.
There was also some confusion where you wrote ," Janet replied with a wink, sneaking a peek at Tenley’s younger sisters." This makes me think that Poppy and McKinney are her sisters though up until this point I had thought she was their mom based on how she treated them. Just maybe make how she's related to them a bit clearer in the beginning.
Here, "Now if you wouldn’t mind, would you please go put those books back on their shelves please?” Janet said please twice and it sounds repetitive.
I love where you used the simile ,"as red as Rudolph’s nose." In general I just love creative similes, so you did a great job there.
Though another issue is that Janet is way too polite and pleading. It just feels extremely unrealistic as no boss, even the nice and polite ones, are that polite. They don't ever ask you to do something, they tell you to do it because it's your job. Just a small tip.
Also, blizzards take longer to form than the amount of time that Tenley spent in the basement. And they only last about 3 hours max.
And I'm pretty confused about why you keep referring to McKinney and Poppy as munchkins... Just that I don't really hear many people refer to kids as that. Also, Poppy always struck me as more of a boy's name rather than a girl's name.
I also felt like the relationship between Tenley and Keegan progressed a bit to quickly. At first she seemed to hate him and then suddenly she's allowing him to comfort her then show her more affection and reciprocating it. She also seems like an independent type of person and someone who feels abandoned because of her parents. Someone like that wouldn't be so open to a relationship or getting close to someone. They would be much more likely to push people away, so it just seemed really out of character and unrealistic based on the circumstances.
However I did find the story to be very cute and I liked the plotline With some work this could become a great story! Hope my review helped at least a little.
thanks so much! this is really helpful!