Published October 3, 2011
If I could write a letter to myself,
Send it to a parallel version of me,
and entail how you could make me feel,
I would wait on your love forever.
For you are my moon,
And your glistening light only helps
To illuminate each of the stars.
You are the waves
That crash against my beach,
and erase the harsh touch
Of footprints on my sand.
You are the rain
That holds me with your song,
Hiding my tears
In blanketing drops of your own.
And even though I have to wait
To be in your arms,
and every minute apart from you
Tears my beating heart,
I would still write that letter to myself.
Because your love is like the sunrise:
Only the first chapter
To another perfect day.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
This was a very touching poem, that was easy to envision.your second to last stanza was my favorite, it gives the imagery that the rains washes your slate clean and washes the tears away. I Iike the fact you wrote this to yourself kind of like a self-love kinda thing, which is a different take on loves poems that I like very much
. Very good read-keep at it!
Hi there,
This was so amazingly sweet- I loved it!
The overall tone of your poem was great;flowy and soft, which sets a romantic feel. Your use of metaphors is also superb- it doesn't make your writing appear cheesey or cliche like it might in other cases.
Now...
-I see that you also mention writing this letter to yourself at the end... I like that element, but what I'm not so thrilled about is just the feel of this portion of this stanza. It's kind of confusing- mainly because this is a love poem and you're writing a letter to yourself...? And then 'and entail how you could make me feel,' is a nice idea but you've worded it very awkwardly. I like what you're trying to say in this stanza, but maybe a few tweaks could make it better?
-This is my favourite stanza. The imagery, and the metaphor... it all fits perfectly together, and it's the kind of thing that you're expecting from a love poem. It almost has a Romeo and Juliet feel... it's beautiful.
Grammar and spelling looked good to me, so good on you for that!
Overall, this was cute and enjoyable to read. A few edits on some of the wording could make it a little less awkward to read, but other than that, awesome work here!
Thanks for the read, and happy writing
-Briggsy