DUDE! You finally posted something! Okay, If you chance Vienna's name to kaylen, then it should be the same throughout the whole piece. In the last paragraph, you went back to calling her Vienna.
*Pouf!* Just so you know!
z
Part 1
Kaylen sat at her desk, sliding her calculator in and out of the cover. she leaned back, listening to her teacher drone on about their upcoming EOC (end of course). They were going over the practice test, which everybody bombed. She was totally off in her own world, constanly checking the time. All she could think about was why she felt so miserable. She had a super hot boyfriend, was queen of the "populars" and was bestfriends with the most popular girl in school. Oh...that's why. Kaylen constanly felt inferior around Bridget.
Bridget was absolutely stunning. Her golden hair cascaded down her back, stopping at the waist. It had hundreds of completly natural highlights. She also had vivid blue eyes . Kaylen on the other hand had chocolate brown hair with spirals that fell to her shoulders, side swept bangs and boring brown eyes. Her skin was as pale as a porcelain doll.
Kaylen sat up and placed her head in her left hand. Her cheek was soft and warm. She sighed, examining her freshly manicured hand. She squinted at what looked like a small scratch and frowned in disapproval.
"Do you know what the hell is going on?" Bridget asked, leaning over her arm rest. Her fair fell onto Kaylen's desk as though to mock her. Kaylen glared at Bridget and shook her head in reply. She looked over at Connell, who was intently staring at the board. Ever since they...you know...had done the nasty everything was really awkward. Kaylen was sure he was the one she had been saving herself for, but was she right?
The thought of it made Kaylen's empty stomach churn. She swallowed and felt her stomach lurch. Before she knew it, she was squeezing between her and Bridget's desk and out the door. She heard her teacher calling out for her but she ignored it, making her way to the girls bathroom. She ran into a stall, slamming the door behind her and then she lost it.
Bridget had followed closely behind and entered the bathroom to the sound of Kaylen retching. "Kaylen?" She called, her voice echoing through the empty bathroom. Kaylen's head quickly rose, the sour taste of vomit burning her throat. She was used to it though, it was her dieting specialty. She dug through her purse for a mint and stuck one in her mouth. Maybe Bridget hadn't heard her. She got off her knees and walked out of the stall on shakey legs.
"Aren't you going to flush?"
Kaylen blushed furiously and spun around. When she emerged from the stall, once again, Bridget wrapped her up in a huge hug. Kaylen's arms hung limply by her side. Yeah, she could hug her back, but why would she want to? When Bridget finally let Kaylen go, she handed her a water bottle from her purse. Kaylen took it thankfully and flashed a grim smile before taking a sip. She loved Bridget just as much as she hated her... it was a jealousy thing.
Bridget pulled out her phone and flipped it open, her eyes wandering the screen, "Connell wants to know if you are okay." She said abruptly.
Kaylen felt her chest well up with hate again, why didn't he just text her?! Why Bridget?! Oh, maybe because he was in total lust with her. Bridget raised her newly waxed eyebrows, waiting for a response.
"I'm fine." Kaylen snapped, rinsing her mouth out. She looked in the mirror and grimaced. Her brow was creased with sweat and she had a pimple growing. She quickly re-applied her foundation and when she was done, Bridget grabbed her hand.
[thanks everyone for your awesome reviews & critques]
DUDE! You finally posted something! Okay, If you chance Vienna's name to kaylen, then it should be the same throughout the whole piece. In the last paragraph, you went back to calling her Vienna.
*Pouf!* Just so you know!
I really don't like how this is stereotyped, nothing is interesting and original. Why does the most popular girl has to be blond with blue eyes, and another girl is jealous, I mean it's too predictable and simplistic...
sorry for the harsh comment, it's just that so many things that I read so far are about the same thing, nothing exciting.
Hello-Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you continue it. The beginning really kind of leaves you hanging. I'm excited to find out what happnes next.
BTW-very well written
Hey!
I just wanted to let you know I changed your title to lowercase. Uppercase letters hurt people's eyes, and are annoying. ^_^
Hey there.
A few things:
she leaned back
All she could think about is why she felt so miserable.
I mean, she had a super hot boyfriend, was queen of the "populars" and was bestfriends with THE MOST popular girl in school.
Bridget asked, leaving over her arm rest.
She looked over at Connel, who was intently starting at the board.
Ever since they...you know...had done the nasty; everything was really akward.
The thought of it made Kaylen's stomach empty stomach churn
Vienna snapped, rinsing her mouth out.
The only thing you need is a name to go with the storyline. Like usual I can't find any grammer errorrs or punctuation so I'm not much help there sorry. I like the calcualtor thing. I do it all the time when my teacher gets of topic or decides to teach us something. Keep going with this and I did mark the "yes" for the poll so I don mean it
Church
Points: 890
Reviews: 42
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