She Learned to Bleed Without Screaming

⚠️ Content Warning – She Learned to Bleed Without Screaming This story dives headfirst into the haunting aftermath of suicide, the quiet violence of trauma, and the chaos of living with Tourette’s and dissociation. It includes vivid depictions of self-harm, grief, emotional numbness, mental health crises, and psychological distress. These are not just topics — they are the wounds your characters carry, unflinching and unfiltered.

Please read with care. If you feel overwhelmed at any point, it’s okay to pause. You are not weak for stepping away — you are human. And you're not alone.

The rain had been pounding on the windowsill for hours, but at 7:30 pm Celeste's parents were walking upstairs to go and have a simple chat with her older sister, Blair. But little did Celeste know that her whole life was about to change. When her parents got to Blair’s room they opened the door and the seconds that followed was a reverberating scream that echoed through the whole house like a gunshot.

Celeste walked out of her room visibly annoyed that her parents were being a little too loud — louder than the usual chaos — while she was trying to perform a quiet exorcism. When Celeste walked into Blair's room to see why her parents were screaming which is when she locked eyes on Blair's dead body and an empty bottle of pills lying in the middle of the floor with her parents crying hysterically beside Blair. Even though Celeste doesn't feel empathy or emotions this event is something that will change the course of Celeste’s life and her views on the world permanently. The next few weeks for Celeste were a mix of existential chaos of planning the funeral and letting everyone know and it being all a blur of being in denial that the only person who actually ever understood her is gone for good. Those next few days after Blair’s funeral were the worst because since Celeste is emotionless and doesn't feel any empathy amongst other things a bunch of the kids at the school were calling her crazy and also calling her heartless and saying other remarks such as a few kids have told her “ She must be so happy her sister is dead or she doesn't care about her sister.” Celeste just walked past the kids who were whispering about her, but right as she walked past her forensics class she hears her teacher talking about the lesson they are gonna do today her teacher Mrs. Richardson mentions they are gonna be presenting their projects on death and Celeste quietly chuckles to herself but the four girls by some of the lockers take notice and stare at her including the new girl who has hazel colored hair and is wearing an oversized gray hoodie with these bruises on her wrists. Without saying a word Celeste walks to her locker and unlocks her locker with this almost practiced but still yet eerie and steady precision. Celeste grabs her forensics project on death but along with it she secretly slips a note into the new girl Anastasia’s locker and then just shuts her own locker with her project in hand and just walks into her forensics class 5 minutes early so she can start preparing her project. A few seconds later Mrs. Richardson looks up from her computer screen and with this soft natured expression she walks over to tell Celeste that she is sorry for her loss and mentions in this hushed tone that she is here if she ever wants to talk but once the teacher walks back to her desk Celeste just rolls her eyes and mutters to herself “ They don't actually mean it they just give their FAKE sympathy which i find weird and irregular.” A few minutes later Mrs. Richardson starts the presentation day by having Celeste present first. Celeste grabs her presentation notes and walks up to the front of the class and starts off the presentation with this emotionless flat creepy tone in her voice by saying “ Death is not just a thing or an event but its a psychological and physical process some people die peacefully while others die in pain and in agony and some parts of the process includes your mind trying to wrap around the thought of going to the forever sleep and also your body decomposing naturally or being burned for cremation.” But it wasn't what Celeste said that sent chills down people's spines, it was how she said it with this eerie calm and with this somehow calculated accuracy almost like she had been studying the topic for way too long. Celeste walks over to Mrs. Richards desk and sets down her notes while walking back to her desk Celeste says one final thing “ Death isn't the scary tragedy but it is more of what happens after once your brain goes dead.” The bell rings with this empty sound that filled the halls and students grabbed their things but once they bolted out the door, when Celeste tried to leave this voice she knew all too well it was the voice of Mrs. Brown with her soft and delicate voice says “ Hey Celeste can you come with me for a few minutes we need to have a little chat.” Celeste knew better than to go with Mrs. Brown but she reluctantly followed Mrs. Brown down to her office once Celeste walked into the room Mrs. Brown followed suit and shut the door behind her and said “ So do you know why I might have wanted to have a chat with you?” Celeste with this flat emotionless tone and facial expression unreadable answers “ When have I ever said yes to that question.” Mrs. Brown with this knowing look on her face and with gentle encouragement offers Celeste a pen and asks her “ Celeste can you please fill out this mental health assessment. It is not anything too difficult, it is just for us adults to see how you are doing.” Celeste just blankly stares at the assessment and then glides the pen swiftly across the paper filling it out very quickly

Question 1: Have you recently felt that you’d be better off dead? “Not recently. Always. Since I knew what it meant.”

Question 2:Have you recently had thoughts about ending your life? “Once when I was eight. Then again and again. It’s not really a ‘thought’ anymore. It’s background noise.”

Question 3:On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your mental health? ➤ 2

“But only because zero wasn't an option.”

Question 4: Have you ever intentionally harmed yourself (e.g., cutting, burning, hitting, etc.)? ➤ Yes.

“That’s such a vague question. Physically? Emotionally? Socially? All of the above?”

Then below that, she writes in tiny letters: “I like bruises. They prove I’m real.”

Question 5: Have you recently experienced a loss or trauma? ➤ Yes.

“My sister died. She swallowed silence and it stayed down. They call it an overdose. I call it an ending.”

Question 6: Do you feel physically and emotionally safe at home and at school? ➤ No.

“At home, I’m a ghost. At school, I’m a target. Neither feels like safety.”

Mrs. Brown gently grabs the assessment from Celestes hands dread washing over her face the further she reads each answer more disturbing than the last. When Mrs. Brown looks up from the paper and she manages to say “ Celeste is this stuff true?” Celeste looks up from her phone with this unreadable expression on her face. Celeste just blankly answers “ You wouldn’t want me to lie, would you Mrs. Brown?” Sometimes the truth is just disturbing.” With this cold expression she just stands up and walks out of the office. Mrs. Brown just sat there in stunned silence trying to process the information she just heard.

Later that night Celeste creeps into Blair’s room nothing had been touched everything was left the same from the night Blair had committed suicide. Upon walking into Blair’s room in an attempt to find her cat, Violence. But when Celeste walks over to the bed to look underneath not only does she find her cat, Violence she also finds Blair’s journal. Celeste gently grabs the old worn out leather journal from underneath the bed, her hands gently opening the journal and opens it up to an entry.

Journal Entry #34 — Two Weeks Before Death

Dear Journal, It’s just another day of people acting like I’m crazy. Like I’m some sideshow freak.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I’m not. They’ve all made up their minds about me already.Today, Katrina—yes, that Katrina—put an actual knife in my locker. There was a sticky note on the blade. It said:“Why don’t you just leave already?” I didn’t cry. I just stared at it. I think that scared me more than anything.

I didn’t even feel anything.

Celeste just stares at the journal analyzing Blair's every word with this heavy regret of not asking for help when she was alive before Blair let her mental disorders consume her. A few moments later Celeste hears her parents footsteps coming towards Blair’s room and Celeste makes the split second decision to hide the journal behind her back and just as Celeste gets up to leave her parents walk in and with this skeptical tone of voice ask “ Celeste what are you doing in here?” Celeste coldly replies “ Nothing much just looking for Blair’s kitty, Violence.” At 3:00 am Celeste sneaks out of her room and creeps into Blair’s room in hopes to find some kind of sign of a note or letter. After a few minutes of searching through Blair’s closet Celeste finds 1 envelope addressed to her. Celeste with her trembling hands with this calculated but yet cautious precision slowly opens the envelope and inside was this small piece of folded paper labeled open me any time after my funeral once I have successfully committed suicide.

CHAPTER 2

Celeste crawled into her cozy little cubby space that's in her room complete with these dim fairy lights and pillows along with blankets and this pitch black curtain over the entrance so no one can see inside with the smell of her vampire candle looming through the air, the scent reminding her of Blair. Celeste slowly removes the letter from her coat pocket, opening it with this careful precision. Celeste starts to read the letter, each line hitting harder than the last but before she can suppress her tic a small involuntary whistle escapes her lips sharp against the emotional weight from the letter and the silence that followed was almost deafening. Celeste curls up into a tight ball while reading the letter. A small but noticeable meow slips from her lips “ Shut up.” Celeste hisses under her breath to herself with the silence slowly lurking in as her eye twitches ever so slightly. Celeste curls herself tighter into a ball right as Celeste reads one more line. “I didn't cry. I just stared at the knife.” Her breath snags in her throat, then she tics, “ I don't like you have a cupcake.” The words tear through the silence like a bullet — absurd,violent, and completely out of her control. Celeste flinches at the sound of her own voice, hands over her ears thinking that it will undo what just happened. Her body jerks Celeste's hand punching herself in the chest not once but twice fast and hard. Then everything goes completely silent and still, almost too still, but before she can stop her tic she blurts out “I’m spiderman.” Then a small little involuntary whistle follows like cracks in the window from a bullet. Then silence, her mind racing, but her eyes wide and unfocused.

Chapter 3

Blair wakes up on the day that she would later take her own life. When all of a sudden she heard this familiar sound she knew all too well the sound of metal cutting through human flesh coming from Celeste's bedroom. Blair sprints into Celeste’s bedroom when she opens the door the scent of fresh blood hitting like a wave. Blood dripped from Celeste’s arm and onto the floor, with a knife dangling from her right hand that was smeared with blood while rocking back and forth and going in and out of consciousness, eyes distant, her lips parted but silent for a few seconds. Celeste just stares at her notebook with blood splattered all over the cover then her voice barely above a whisper tics “They don’t see the ghosts.” Before she can stop herself another tic slips Celeste screams “Knife!” not once but twice the second time sounding broken like there is a glitch in her brain

“Knife!” A few seconds go by and the silence was deafening Blair runs to Celeste and grabs the knife out of her hands.