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Never

by christinaLoves


Damon couldn't think.

All he knew was that he had to get away. He couldn't take it anymore. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight that his knuckles were starting to turn white. It was raining and his car was getting harder to control.

He stared forward, trying to ignore the urge to turn around. He was driving so fast he could barely see the city lights as they flew by, disapearing in the rear view mirror. He could feel anger and adrenaline boiling through his veins. He knew exactly what would happen next.

Damon reached over to turn on the radio. Heavy metal flooded out of the cars speakers and overwhelmed his ears. But he didn't care. He found himself thinking about all he had to deal with in his life. Every crack in his bones. Every stitch in his skin. Every image he could have lived without.


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12 Reviews


Points: 904
Reviews: 12

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Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:42 am
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River wrote a review...



Hmmmmm.....Well what you have so far is good. It's a fast start and that can be tricky because eventualyy you will have to slow the story down and that is something that must be done with great grace. I like the part were you said "Every stich in his skin." I thought that was original. I encourage you to keep at this story. I am intrested to see where it goes.




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563 Reviews


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Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:34 pm
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Stori says...



Just one thing- that apostrophe in "cars'" should be moved. I doubt anyone can drive two cars.






Thank you. I don't think anyone can either :)



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202 Reviews


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Sun Jun 03, 2012 9:51 pm
Blues wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here to review this for you. This will be short, however.

Nice, but short. It was a bit too short for me because I didn't really understand what was going on, however. Where was he going? What was happening? Expansion on that would be very useful.

One thing that'd really help this piece, I believe, is a tad more showing rather than telling. All it is, is just instead of saying, "He said, feeling embarrassed." is when you say, "he said, his eyes darting around the room unsure where to focus while avoiding her gaze. He could feel his cheeks burn." Then you don't feel like you're saying "he did this and that" which makes it boring. Showing makes it more interesting when you do it at the interesting bit.

So here, for example, you could say that he "could feel his hands yearning to rip out the smug look on their face, itching to watch the blood spill." See how it's more interesting that way?

Nitpicks:

Damon reached over to turn on the radio. Heavy metal flooded out of thecars' car's speakers and overwhelmed his ears. But he didn't care. He found himself thinking about all he's he had to deal with in his life. Every crack in his bones. Every stitch in his skin. Every image he could have lived without.



Okay, so that's it from me! I hope I helped you out and that I wasn't too harsh ;) Feel free to message me if you've got any questions!

Keep writing,

Blues.






I appreciate your help! Thank you, so much. I'll try to be more "show not tell" in my work.




Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
— Ann Landers