E - Everyone

Technology: Great Contributor

PreviousNext

Is this technology really important? We are consuming it and we don’t think if these things could have important roles in our life. Millions have survived without technology yet they are satisfied. Millions died without using such technology. Now, many things have changed in the life of people by creating different gadgets for their leisure. Technology has affected society and its surroundings in a number of ways. There is the development of our economy and the progress in the environment. There are different contributions to the people that help in the efficiency of their work, and lessen their loads. There was great improvement in communication through the invention of the telegraph, telephone, radio, and television. Machines were invented for human to have less work. Different products are used to cure different diseases that help extend the lives of people. I could say that technology plays an important role in our life in terms of communication, industry, and medicine.

According to Jakub Macek and Monika Metyková (2007), “Rise of communication technology has lessened barriers to human interaction and, as a result, has helped spawn new subcultures; the rise of cyber culture has, at its basis, the development of the Internet and the computer.” Having such invention helps us to be happy when we’re alone. The gadgets invented were used for a variety of purposes, including keeping in touch with family members, conducting business, and having access to a telephone in the event of an emergency. Different functions for these gadgets were created for better communication. Text messaging is for people to talk to each other without speaking. Calling is a way for people to talk to each other at distant places without seeing each other. After calling and text messaging, video calling was the next and its function is to talk to other people and you can see him/her. I may say that these products of communication really help us in our lives.

According to Wise, George (1985), "New products, new industries, and more jobs require continuous additions to knowledge of the laws of nature. This essential new knowledge can be obtained only through basic scientific research." Machines in the industry had a very important role in the business of people and their work efficiency. As these things grow, more and more people have been replaced in their work and that is not a good thing. Hand in hand working of people without using machines can be as slow as a snail but when you use machines in your work, then that is better. How great that these machines can help people but as days passed by, there were inventions that re unnecessary. These were very important to each and every one of us because they help in making our work easier. I cannot say that humans are not good at doing work because they were the one who invented machines so if machines could do those things, and then human can do better.

During the medieval time, technology has brought innovations such as open-heart surgery and later stem cell therapy along with new medications and treatments. That’s why it has been a great help to those who are suffering from diseases. There are different medical equipments such as x-ray, ultra sound, ECG, digital thermometer and others who have help doctors save the lives of those with diseases. Having those instruments can avoid us to worry about ourselves when we got sick because we know that they could help. The best thing that these things could do was it can save a life. As long as these are used for the good of others then I would love the way these things were invented. With such instruments in a hospital will guarantee the best for the patient. I can say that technology is very important in medicine because it helps in extending the life of those who have diseases.

“Everything is made for a reason.” Every invention made has a role to play in this world and this is how they are important. Through the mobile phones, technology has helped people communicate properly to each other. Machines invented were the treasures of those businesses and the key to the efficiency of life to people. Medical instruments are a good help to those people with diseases because they help extend the life of those with diseases. Having such a great gift to humans must be thankful to God because he gave us what we need to give us what we need and to give us our contentment. I can say is technology is just like matter, “Technology is everywhere.” I can say that technology can never be taken away to humans because it is already part of their lives.

Comments & reviews · 30
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Hey there! I'm Onyx and I will be reviewing your article today. :) Sorry this review is later than expected! :(

Comments
Why do you have some lines underlined? If you are trying to tell the reader that it is the main sentence, I don't think it would be purposeful. I believe that you should make the sentence stronger by words instead of telling the reader what it is. Again, that is just my opinion on it. Good job over all, I like how the paragraphs are well set. Though why do you always say the word "I" at the end of each paragraph in a sentence? Just something I have never seen, which is interesting. So here are the comment, again this is just my opinions and you do not have to go with this.

According to Jakub Macek and Monika Metyková (2007), “Rise of communication technology has lessened barriers to human interaction and, as a result, has helped spawn new subcultures; the rise of cyber culture has, at its basis, the development of the Internet and the computer.”

Great job quoting the people of their words! Some people do not do this because they assume the reader will know what they are talking about. Great job here, I am glad to see you have quoted it. Though why is "Monika Metykova" bolded? Is there a significant meaning? I like how you added the words with a hyper link so someone can click on it and understand what you are talking about. Very nice!

As these things grow, more and more people have been replaced in their work and that is not a good thing. Hand in hand working of people without using machines can be as slow as a snail but when you use machines in your work, then that is better.

How is this better? If you can give an example of how it is better to use a machine would be nice. As well as tell the opposite side of the argument as well.

[b] Over all [/quote]
Neat job! I am liking this a lot! So I hope you keep on writing and if you ever need anything else reviewed. Send me a message, again sorry this review is later than expected. Thank you for your time,
~Onyx

User avatar
RachelLescano
Review

There are no major mistakes that had been seen in your essay. Simplicity of the words used made your article to be easily understood by everyone. Certain points were properly explained and organized. I think only some editing may be applied to produce more pleasing piece. But this one is already good and has good content. Keep up the good work! :)

User avatar
Hannah
Review
Hannah wrote a review · Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:04 pm

Hey there! You requested, and here I am.

I have some advice about the foundation of this essay that I hope can help you for essays in the future.

First, I know that you were given a topic in the assignment, which is the last line of your first paragraph. But your instinct is showing. The very first line of this essay is what you really wanted your essay to be about: what you wanted to prove. So go with it! You can make your essay stronger with strong direction. With every aspect of your assignment (communication, industry, and medicine), you can analyze based on current events/statistics whether this type of technology is really important. You'd have to do more research, sure, but it would be a way more compelling essay because of such strong direction. People love to read something potentially controversial. No matter what your position is, there will be people who oppose it, and that makes for an interesting time. haha

Another thing I noticed is your habit of starting new paragraphs with quotes. Quotes are awesome to use in your essay, it's true. But your essay is meant to be your individual creation. Yes, you use sources, because you want to your readers to know if this information didn't spring from your personal experience. Still, this is your creation and YOUR words need to carry it. Opening paragraphs with words of other people is kind of like letting them write your essay. Find the confidence to dive into new topics with your own strength!

Lastly, I want to say that with such a broad topic, you should try to play to specifics. Imagine trying to explain all of linguistics or all of your language in ONE ESSAY. You can't do it, right? So you can't explain all of technology, even all of these three aspects in one essay. But you can give a general idea if you give specific examples. More than just listing inventions, you want to mention why they're important and what evidence proves your point. I think more valuable than listing all the medical inventions would be taking the time to explain specific effects through statistics. Like how many deaths did a specific vaccine reduce, or something like that. :)

Hope all of this is helpful to you!
Good luck with your project, let me know if you have any questions, and I hope to see you around again soon!

Random avatar
Raymund Comment

another great pro technology essay keep it up :D

User avatar
kedjil
Review
kedjil wrote a review · Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:01 pm

"Millions have survived without technology yet they are satisfied." - You may add an instance wherein people survived without a single use of technology.

"Millions died without using such technology." - If your topic is about the advantges of technology, I think this is not that relevant, but if you really want to state it in your introduction, you can merge it with the sentence before it.

Your introduction is good because you supported your claim that technology is really a necessity in a man's life.

"I may say that these products of communication really help us in our lives." - You may omit the "may" if you want to make it sound more authoritative.

You've exhibited good use of resources and research in your essay. Also, you're able to defend your statements with your supporting details.

“Everything is made for a reason.” - This can be a very catchy hook.

Your conclusion is good and well-thought of. Overall, the essay is good. Good job, keep up the good work!

Guest Avatar
neryl nario Comment
neryl nario commented · Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:41 am

this is a good one.,.you really tried to discuss everything regarding your topic.,. good job.,. I'm sure you'll be able to improve this more in some time.,. :)

Guest Avatar
neryl nario Comment
neryl nario commented · Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:37 am

this is a good one. you really tried to discuss everything in your own way.,.

User avatar
nadinefampo
Comment

I got your point that Technology contributed a lot especially to us, humans. Check your grammar and proper usage of words. Just put on some revisions will do. But, your ideas can be understood, nice job.:)

User avatar
Celdover
Review

Hello there. I am Celdover, and I shall be your reviewer this fine eve. I haven't reviewed in a while now, so do bear with me.

First, let's start off with the good. I can definitely sense that you have a clear direction with this essay, and you have a clear understanding of what your thesis is and how to relate your body paragraphs back to your thesis. You also provide examples of how technology has benefited society, which is also good.

However, there is room for improvement. Much.

Let's start here.

Millions have survived without technology yet they are satisfied. Millions died without using such technology.


I am going to pick out these two sentences and use them to highlight a problem that affects your entire essay. When writing an academic paper, it is important to be specific. On everything. In the case of the sentences above, which "millions" are you referring to? Can you list specific cultures or nations? It does not need to be an exhaustive list, but something more specific than "millions" is needed in order to give your essay any credibility. Apply this zealously to all statements you make. There are a few statements in this essay that say that technology has benefited us, but do not follow up with examples. Here are some more, if you're having trouble finding them.

Now, many things have changed in the life of people by creating different gadgets for their leisure.


What kind of gadgets, and how did they affect people?

Machines in the industry had a very important role in the business of people and their work efficiency.


What kinds of machines, and when?

Medical instruments are a good help to those people with diseases because they help extend the life of those with diseases.


What kind of diseases and what kind of treatments?

Supporting these points with examples is also going to help your audience understand exactly what frame of reference you're using when you use the word "technology." The word "technology" is an incredibly broad term, even when it's defined within communications, industry, and medicine. You can write vastly different essays by changing the time period, culture, or subdivision of technology you're analyzing, so establishing some frame of reference is crucial.

Moving along.

As these things grow, more and more people have been replaced in their work and that is not a good thing. Hand in hand working of people without using machines can be as slow as a snail but when you use machines in your work, then that is better.


I noticed that this part is where you bring up a counterargument to your thesis. However, you do not address it. Usually when an author brings up a counterargument in their essay it is with the purpose of refuting it. But this just sits here. You say that it is "better" that machines replace human workers, but don't exactly elaborate why, at least not in a way that the audience can understand. This is probably an issue of phrasing, because you imply that technology replacing human workers is better because it's faster. It's just phrased really weird, which makes it hard to understand. I'd recommend rewriting this section.

I also have an issue with your conclusion in that the sudden mention of religion contrasts with the historically based argument your entire essay has been using until that point. The examples of technology benefiting society have so far been based in historical or modern examples (when present), so suddenly invoking religion at the end is highly out of place. I do not understand why this was necessary when you could have concluded your essay by restating the examples you already had. Furthermore, religion does not relate to your thesis in any obvious way, so it is even further out of place in the conclusion. If you really want to include religion in your paper, then try to make it consistent throughout instead of placing it on the end. You would also likely have to change your thesis to incorporate religion, which would likely end up in you writing another paper entirely, so do keep that in mind.

These are just a few things you can do to improve upon your essay. There is a solid foundation here, but at the same time there is also a lot of room to improve, namely through providing more specific examples and making your conclusion more cohesive with your essay. Keep at it!

Feel free to PM me with any questions or comments.

-- Dover

Thanks for the review. I agreed a lot on your terms. :D

Guest Avatar
yma Comment
yma commented · Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:10 pm

Nicely made. Good selection of words. :)

User avatar
RachelLescano
Review

There are no major mistakes that had been seen in your essay. Simplicity of the words used made your article to be easily understood by everyone. Certain points were properly explained and organized. I think only some editing may be applied to produce more pleasing piece. But this one is already good and has good content. Keep up the good work! :)

User avatar
kingteejay8 Comment

I love it. You've made an excellent essay. Job well done. :D

User avatar
DreamWork
Review

Hi christiantiquis,DK here with a few comments on your essay :)

The essay and your writing style is so satisfying. No problem, I just need to insert what you overlooked here.
1.Grammar.

There are different contributions to the people that* help in the efficiency of their work, and lessen their loads.

*Try:people who.
The rest is good!Keep it up.
Good luck :D

Thanks for the review. Big help for my project. :D

User avatar
kriselleabby Comment

You have a point on your essay. Keep up the good work! :D

User avatar
ValenciaAndrea Comment

I agreed with your title. The essay you've done was great but some little corrections. But in all it is nice and interesting.

User avatar
akosisab Review

I like your conclusion, it really gives an answer to your articles.

“Everything is made for a reason.” - i like this, is this a quotation?or you're the one who make it? i agree with that that everything is made for a reason, reason to be successful and lot of more.

I just confused if what you are gonna say on your first paragraph.

But overall your essay is good, and I agree with your points.
Good Job. Keep it up.. :)

This was interesting to read. However, I was confused about what you were going to say at the first part of the essay because you seemed to state the opposite of your topic, but then, it went more clearly as I read along. Also, you seem to be using similar phrases specially in the underlined words like "I may say" or "I can say." But over all, it was a good read.
Keep up the good work! :)

what a wonderful essay very well said! keep up the goodwork! :D

Guest Avatar
Christine Joy Latag Comment
Christine Joy Latag commented · Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:48 am

It's vivid. The whole idea is there. Facts are well presented as well as your opinions. Overall, it's nice. Good job. :-)

Random avatar
mitian06 Comment

Your essay showed recognition of the complexity of the issue. The ideas are fully explained and supported with more details. It's clear. It's good. It's nice. Continue your good work. :)

User avatar
OceanGirl
Review

Heyy there! This is SapphireFlames for the review!
seriously what's up with the technology articles? anyway lets review!
I liked the question being posed at the starting of the article and the way you have answered it clearly.
Again I liked the way you have explained the importance of technology and also it was well- formatted.
I liked the usage of technology in the medical field:

''During the medieval time, technology has brought innovations such as open-heart surgery and later stem cell therapy along with new medications and treatments. That’s why it has been a great help to those who are suffering from diseases. There are different medical equipments such as x-ray, ultra sound, ECG, digital thermometer and others who have help doctors save the lives of those with diseases. Having those instruments can avoid us to worry about ourselves when we got sick because we know that they could help. The best thing that these things could do was it can save a life. As long as these are used for the good of others then I would love the way these things were invented. With such instruments in a hospital will guarantee the best for the patient. I can say that technology is very important in medicine because it helps in extending the life of those who have diseases''.

Anyway its good and I liked it all.
Keep it up and looking forward for more articles on different topics.
Good luck!
Have a nice day ;)

FuturAuthor,
SapphireFlames.

User avatar
glecile
Comment

It was an informative one! The topic was clearly described. Keep it up!

Guest Avatar
Ferben Africa Review
Ferben Africa wrote a review · Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:53 am

This research of technology tells about the advantages of it to our daily lives. The research was suffice enough to show that the writer is indeed stressing the changes/developments when technology came. However, I think that his thesis statement needs more support (maybe, he could have formulated a conclusion directly related to his thesis statement). But all in all, the organization of ideas is very coherent and at the same time, brief but wise.

Sir salamat po sa review. :D

User avatar
charles23mds Comment

I really like your essay. Keep it up :D

Your essay showed recognition of the complexity of the issue. The ideas are fully explained and supported with more details. It's clear. It's good. It's nice. Continue your good work. :)



Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury