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Death and those who feel its wrath

by chrissyjoy


She always knew when death was coming. The faint smell of stale cigarettes wafting in the air, mixed with an almost sour, humid air. A chill that ran through her body, teeth chattering and goosebumps enveloping her. She learnt not to be afraid. After all, it is only human. She thought it was fair. Everyone had to die. Young, old, rich, broke, famous, infamous, loved, or unloved, they all came to the same fate. Death felt like home to her. She’d felt it long enough that it came to be familiar to her. Almost comforting.

Sometimes there was no warning. A sudden raincloud drenching her and that smell lingering around her for days-on-end. And other times, it took days. Families hovering over a loved one’s deathbed. Prayers unanswered, and tears ever streaming. She didn’t mind. After all, there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t stop it. So, she accepted it. Welcomed it, almost. Brothers, mothers, sisters, misters. All of them, who might have meant something to her, became worthless. She couldn’t bring herself to care. Couldn’t let herself get close. Because they would die. They would all die. Death was everywhere. So, she pushed everyone away. Folding in on herself.

She walked the streets at night, longing for that feeling that only she knew and recognised. Grief-stricken families, black hearses, the limousines of the dead, grey, black, and white swirling to create the portrait of her life. One where she never gave in to the feeling of love or joy. All hope of bliss, pleasure, and life was sucked out of her. A black hole of an individual became her persona. Clouds of thunder, rain, and lightning hovering over her every move. She was beautiful like a rose. Prickly thorns covered her outside, scaring all away. Who would dare come close to her? No one would ever try. But inside, she was covered in flowers. Someone who had once known love and kindness. Forever doomed to never experience it. A childhood that had been wrenched away from her in the form of a dark hood and a scythe. Taking lives all around her. Friends, families, classmates, loved ones. Gone in the blink of an eye.

So, she gave up on love and her future and chased the darkness that stole her heart. Gloom, despair, hopelessness, everything that she grew up with. She wanted it to have control over her own life, to stop the grief and regret she lived with. She became a shadow, a side character in her own story. Never one to look up to the sky and bathe in sunlight, but one that watched from the sideline, jealous and bitter of the life she could never live.

Resentful as she was, she became hardened from a lack of joy. She relished in the last breaths of loved ones, life draining out of their eyes, face and body turning pale and grey, eyes closing for the final show. It was everything that gave her comfort. She waited for her time to come. For her final grains of sand to fall into the hands of Death himself. She did everything she could think of to speed up the process. Walking through the highway, blindfolded and ready to be struck, drinking rat poison, swallowing pills. But it never came. Guardian angels constantly looked after her and kept her black soul on earth.

So, she stopped. Stopped trying, stopped caring, stopped watching. Day in, day out, she waited. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks passed, and still she sat. Cheeks hollowed, body consisting only of skin and bones, as a result of not caring to her body. She waited. She had all the time in the world. Relaxation and a feeling of euphoric happiness filled her bones and brought a shimmer of warmth to her body when she smelt it. Cigarettes, cadaverine, and death. She would become one with darkness, one with the earth, and one with the sky. She let out a sigh she didn’t know she had been holding.

“Thank you,” she hoarsely whispered.

And finally, the darkness consumed her, the peace she always dreamed of.


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Tue Jun 18, 2024 11:56 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


First Impression

Well this was quite the tale. A real deep dive into the idea of death and someone so deeply affected by it and having lost so many friends and family that she just wants it to claim her too. Quite a powerful premise.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

She always knew when death was coming. The faint smell of stale cigarettes wafting in the air, mixed with an almost sour, humid air. A chill that ran through her body, teeth chattering and goosebumps enveloping her. She learnt not to be afraid. After all, it is only human. She thought it was fair. Everyone had to die. Young, old, rich, broke, famous, infamous, loved, or unloved, they all came to the same fate. Death felt like home to her. She’d felt it long enough that it came to be familiar to her. Almost comforting.


Well this is quite the start, immediately establishing quite the environment there with how deeply this person associates with death and how comfortable she appears to be with it. Really showcases what kind of life she must've lead up to this point.

Sometimes there was no warning. A sudden raincloud drenching her and that smell lingering around her for days-on-end. And other times, it took days. Families hovering over a loved one’s deathbed. Prayers unanswered, and tears ever streaming. She didn’t mind. After all, there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t stop it. So, she accepted it. Welcomed it, almost. Brothers, mothers, sisters, misters. All of them, who might have meant something to her, became worthless. She couldn’t bring herself to care. Couldn’t let herself get close. Because they would die. They would all die. Death was everywhere. So, she pushed everyone away. Folding in on herself.


Oh dear. Her life just seems to be steadily worse and worse there the more that we learn about her. Just many many nights of fearing the worst, death surrounding her in every way and leading to the worst outcomes the deeper it goes.

She walked the streets at night, longing for that feeling that only she knew and recognised. Grief-stricken families, black hearses, the limousines of the dead, grey, black, and white swirling to create the portrait of her life. One where she never gave in to the feeling of love or joy. All hope of bliss, pleasure, and life was sucked out of her. A black hole of an individual became her persona. Clouds of thunder, rain, and lightning hovering over her every move. She was beautiful like a rose. Prickly thorns covered her outside, scaring all away. Who would dare come close to her? No one would ever try. But inside, she was covered in flowers. Someone who had once known love and kindness. Forever doomed to never experience it. A childhood that had been wrenched away from her in the form of a dark hood and a scythe. Taking lives all around her. Friends, families, classmates, loved ones. Gone in the blink of an eye.


Oh wow, looks like she wasn't even spared in her younger days, its just all constant death following after her with no remorse whatsoever, only seeking to cause all sorts of harm and chaos on every step of the way.

So, she gave up on love and her future and chased the darkness that stole her heart. Gloom, despair, hopelessness, everything that she grew up with. She wanted it to have control over her own life, to stop the grief and regret she lived with. She became a shadow, a side character in her own story. Never one to look up to the sky and bathe in sunlight, but one that watched from the sideline, jealous and bitter of the life she could never live.

Resentful as she was, she became hardened from a lack of joy. She relished in the last breaths of loved ones, life draining out of their eyes, face and body turning pale and grey, eyes closing for the final show. It was everything that gave her comfort. She waited for her time to come. For her final grains of sand to fall into the hands of Death himself. She did everything she could think of to speed up the process. Walking through the highway, blindfolded and ready to be struck, drinking rat poison, swallowing pills. But it never came. Guardian angels constantly looked after her and kept her black soul on earth.


Oooh interesting. I mean naturally with something as terrible as that you would expect the person to enter a bit of a spiral there in this fashion to a moment where they feel this way and try to have some relief from it but it seems she's strangely blessed to never be able to die either.

So, she stopped. Stopped trying, stopped caring, stopped watching. Day in, day out, she waited. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks passed, and still she sat. Cheeks hollowed, body consisting only of skin and bones, as a result of not caring to her body. She waited. She had all the time in the world. Relaxation and a feeling of euphoric happiness filled her bones and brought a shimmer of warmth to her body when she smelt it. Cigarettes, cadaverine, and death. She would become one with darkness, one with the earth, and one with the sky. She let out a sigh she didn’t know she had been holding.

“Thank you,” she hoarsely whispered.

And finally, the darkness consumed her, the peace she always dreamed of.


Well looks like after she sort of gives up on actively searching for it and lets it come to her it does in fact come, in its slow destructive nature now giving her that one thing she wants most of all. It makes for quite the ending here.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall its a powerful piece reflecting on the powerful mental impact that this can have on a person and how far it drives this person despite the universe itself trying to keep her alive for her just wanting that sweet embrace. Its a tale that leaves you thinking quite a lot.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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Tue Jun 18, 2024 5:17 pm
Coffeewriter wrote a review...



Hello dear person! Coffee here to leave a shadowed review for you to enjoy!!

First of all, love this story it’s really freshly written and very interesting. It’s quite sad as I wished I could reach through the screen and give her a hug, tell her that she could escape this never ending maze and discover the things she unknowingly longed deeply for.

“ So, she gave up on love and her future and chased the darkness that stole her heart. “


That’s a great thing though, isn’t it? If make the reader feel like that the author has accomplished their work! The emotion is thick and you can really interpret how the character feels and thinks throughout her whole life. It’s amazing how we as writers, can interpret and describe years and years of life through a simple few paragraphs. Beautiful. I’m glad she found peace.

“ Never one to look up to the sky and bathe in sunlight, but one that watched from the sideline, jealous and bitter of the life she could never live. “


That really hit deep. I wanted to scream and tell her what had she done to deserve that?! She had done nothing and those who truly got to know her would be heartbroken and unimaginably sorrowful if they saw what hellhole she devoted her life too. Tell her she deserved to lead a happy life and she didn’t need to live like this. She had nothing wrong.
It wasn’t her fault.
She has cocooned inside herself, unable to reach the freedom right under her nose, right at her fingertips. Waiting for her. She died in vain it seems but at least she got her happy ending.

Thank you for reading, sharing and have a lovely day/night! ^^ Stay healthy!!!




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Tue Jun 18, 2024 4:59 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hello there, friend! Ellie here for a review of this short story. Let's get right into it!

She learnt not to be afraid. After all, it is only human. She thought it was fair. Everyone had to die. Young, old, rich, broke, famous, infamous, loved, or unloved, they all came to the same fate. Death felt like home to her. She’d felt it long enough that it came to be familiar to her. Almost comforting.


First comment, I believe 'lernt' is used in British English, but if you are writing in American English this word should be 'learned'. Totally up to you though, depending on which one you normally use. I greatly enjoyed the opening paragraph you used in this. The listing strategy was nice the plot was clear from the start. Your words are simple but deep.

So, she accepted it. Welcomed it, almost. Brothers, mothers, sisters, misters. All of them, who might have meant something to her, became worthless. She couldn’t bring herself to care. Couldn’t let herself get close. Because they would die. They would all die. Death was everywhere. So, she pushed everyone away. Folding in on herself.


I really liked this part. We really see the blessing and curse that this ability has blessed her with. Due to the overwehlinging ability she has, she begins to withdraw. You do an incredible job at catching the increasing despair she feels being surrounded by the feeling of death. I would love to see even more of this decline.

Prickly thorns covered her outside, scaring all away. Who would dare come close to her? No one would ever try. But inside, she was covered in flowers. Someone who had once known love and kindness. Forever doomed to never experience it. A childhood that had been wrenched away from her in the form of a dark hood and a scythe. Taking lives all around her. Friends, families, classmates, loved ones. Gone in the blink of an eye.


Another great job right here ^^. Part of this paragraph almost reminds me of this TV show episode I watched where a man gets addicted to the feeling of pain and death, as near as he can get. I sense that she, in your story, may feel some sort of longing, but also despair from this ability. You did a wonderful job writing this development.

“Thank you,” she hoarsely whispered.

And finally, the darkness consumed her, the peace she always dreamed of.


Does this end with her ending her life? Getting that darkness she felt bits of, her whole life. I like this idea a lot. It's almost like a death fascination or obsession. I want to know so much more about how she grew up with this ability and what exactly it is. Overall, lovely writing. Keep writing more!!

Your friend,
Ellie

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Tue Jun 18, 2024 9:27 am
Isbah wrote a review...



Hello chrissyjoy!! I’m here to review this hauntingly beautiful piece. I love how it’s philosophical and thoughtful. I hope it’s not inspired by personal experiences though. The starting is really strong and the way you describe death as “the smell of cigarettes” is amazing.

Sometimes there was no warning. A sudden raincloud drenching her and that smell lingering around her for days-on-end. And other times, it took days. Families hovering over a loved one’s deathbed. Prayers unanswered, and tears ever streaming. She didn’t mind. After all, there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t stop it. So, she accepted it. Welcomed it, almost. Brothers, mothers, sisters, misters. All of them, who might have meant something to her, became worthless. She couldn’t bring herself to care. Couldn’t let herself get close. Because they would die. They would all die. Death was everywhere. So, she pushed everyone away. Folding in on herself.

This about how she ended up embracing death in an effort to avoid pain and grief. It’s also about the fleeting nature of life and how everything dies in the end. The thing which I found interesting here is how you describe everything that’s dead as “worthless” I get that this is her mindset and I love the way you’ve managed to express it so well. Don’t you think that death is what makes human life so noble? Because you have a limited time and you have to make it worth it?
In the the third paragraph, you have this line
Friends, families, classmates, loved ones. Gone in the blink of an eye.
I think this is similar to the line you use in the previous paragraph,
Brothers, mothers, sisters, misters.
Just a suggestion, maybe you could change this a little so it doesn’t feel repetitive?
Resentful as she was, she became hardened from a lack of joy. She relished in the last breaths of loved ones, life draining out of their eyes, face and body turning pale and grey, eyes closing for the final show. It was everything that gave her comfort. She waited for her time to come. For her final grains of sand to fall into the hands of Death himself. She did everything she could think of to speed up the process. Walking through the highway, blindfolded and ready to be struck, drinking rat poison, swallowing pills. But it never came. Guardian angels constantly looked after her and kept her black soul on earth.

There’s an interesting thing about the story. Does she love death because it’s and end to the fear of death? She wants to live a joyful life but she can’t help worrying so all she wants is to stop the worrying? So at the end, death is peaceful for her.
That’s all I have to say. Stay safe!





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